It was three months ago, and I was looking at the man lying on the hospital bed.
说实话，在这之前，我从来没有把他当成一个正常男人来看待，他更像是我的姐妹，我最亲的姐妹。 But today, he has completely changed in my eyes, he has become like a giant, and I have become a small bird in his hand.
李维伤成这样，全是因为我。
I am a woman who is almost forty years old, and if you ask me what my greatest wish is after thirty-five, I would like to tell you, first, that I hope that I can reproduce asexually and asexually, and second, that I can find a partner to marry. 我没什么朋友，也不是女强人，职业普普通通，样貌也是普普通通，除了李维，我真不知道，还有谁能称得上朋友二字。
在他进医院的一个月前，李维还在活蹦乱跳的陪我选婚纱，现在，他却左胸两根肋骨骨折，轻微脑震荡，而把他弄成这样的原因，是我爱上了一个渣男。
吴北是我已经相处两年的男朋友，那年我34岁，我的爸妈像是两个手里攥着一车烂橘子的果农，只要对方愿意娶我，什么都好说，在他们眼里，35岁是一个女人的保质期，吴北就是在那种情况下，他们托朋友介绍的。
Say it and don't be afraid of your jokes, I am engaged in scientific research, maybe it is what everyone often says about the perverted female doctor or the like, in fact, I am particularly girly in my heart, and I am also particularly crazy. 我记得我第一眼看到吴北的时候，一下子就理解了那些偶像剧里女主角少女心泛滥的心情，那是多么合理的一种心情，你觉得心里有一池子水，荡啊荡啊，连身体都要坐不住了。
He has an aura that is characteristic of a mature man, and that aura can send you to the clouds. 他告诉我，他离过婚，还有一个九岁的女儿跟着他，他的这种开诚公布，更让我觉得，他是个值得信赖的人，就这样，相亲后，我们交往了。
At the beginning, everything was fine, in fact, I was busy, he still had a daughter to take care of, we didn't really have much time together, so every time we met, we got along well. Later, logically, my parents went out to negotiate a marriage with their family, and they were eager to let me get married, and I understood, although I had doubts. Because in my plan, I hope that before getting married, two people can live together for a period of time, after all, life is different from love.
Apparently, I didn't have time to do that. 他很忙，所以，我特别休了假，而李维也只要一有时间就来陪我准备婚礼的东西。 We watched wedding dresses together, picked hotels together, and picked up honeymoon locations together, which was probably the happiest time of my life.
可是，事实当然不是如此顺利的这样进行下去的，否则，李维也不会躺在医院里。
有天晚上，我接到了一个电话，号码是隐藏的，声音也是很古怪的，那个声音只是告诉我，说吴北的车停在某个酒店，然后就挂了。 I thought the prank was particularly funny, the sound was particularly funny, and it was some kind of voice-changing software. 我打电话给吴北，想跟他开个玩笑，再把刚刚的事告诉他。 However, the voice coming from the other end was a reminder of the other party's shutdown.
I couldn't sit still, like someone was pulling me out the door, and at that moment I had only one thought, and that was to go to the hotel. I grabbed a coat and called a car, and along the way my heart felt like it had been crushed by an egg beater. I don't know what I'm going to see next, I just mechanically came to the hotel, mechanically ran to the parking lot, and his Lincoln was parked there.
I was dumbfounded, what the hell does all this mean. I was completely panicked, I was too afraid of that outcome. 我冲到前台，想跟他们询问吴北是否来过，可是那些都是保密信息。 I sat in the hall all night, and that night I wanted to be alone, I thought a lot, my wedding, it was only two weeks, and although I was very disgusted by my parents' forced marriage, when it was really going to happen, I was ecstatic.
我恐怕要让所有人失望了，我的父母，还有李维。 因为我看到吴北有说有笑的揽着一个女人的腰，出了电梯，他们径直去了餐厅，而他的手，完全没有离开过她的身体。 I especially wanted to call him, to call him by his name, to make him sober up and know what he was doing, but I couldn't shout a word, so I looked at them like that, sometimes laughing, sometimes bowing my head and whispering.
"You're awake."
"Well, how long have I slept?"
"It's been a day and a night." I quickly wiped the tears from the corners of my eyes.
"That scumbag, he's quite capable of fighting." He braced himself and lifted his body.
"What are you doing?"
"What's the matter, I can't swallow that breath, this kind of person, should be beaten."
"It's not worth it." I was very grateful to him, because at that time, I always regretted that I did not give him a slap.
"What is worth it or not, I just gave us this evil breath today." Well, I still have two shots, right? He made an elbow bending motion, squeezing his eyebrows in pain.
"You see what you hurt, what do you want me to do?" Although he is my best friend, I don't know how to express my gratitude and heartache for him.
"Marry me." He suddenly became serious.
"What?"
"Marry me, what's wrong, think I'm old, I'm two years younger than him, more handsome than him, right?" The family is not less than him, right? 还少了个女儿，少了拖油瓶，你完全赚了。 ”
I have no idea what kind of mood he was in when he said this.
"But you, you, you're gay. this. ”
“我又没说我不是同性恋，你看，你36了，我呢，也38了，你想要个孩子，哦，不对，你爸妈想要个孩子，你看，我们俩呢，从大学到现在，快二十年了吧，我觉得挺好的啊。”
His words made me think, yes, what is marriage? If it's two people who are dependent on each other, then what's not to like?
"Do you remember when my first boyfriend left me," he paused, as if recalling his most memorable relationship.
"I told you, if we're all still single at 40, get married."
"Have you figured it out?"
"I've been thinking about it for a long time, but I'm afraid of wronging you."
"Me, I'll think again."
A month later, we failed.
Yes, we want to try something that we shouldn't try, because we want children, and we don't want to go through artificial technology, for fear of damaging children, so we have to break through that barrier.
That day, nothing happened, we booked the hotel and figured out how everything was going to happen, but it was only a few minutes.
"So, let's start?" He held his waist in one hand, and the other did not know where to put it, and the shirt was buttoned all the way to his neck.
"Okay, well." I took a deep breath and sat down on the edge of the bed.
He reflexively took a few steps away from the bed.
"I, I think, we should undress first." He touched the button of his shirt, but did not move.
"Good, good." I unbuttoned one, and he followed suit.
The atmosphere made me feel like we were about to fail in our decision, and I suddenly didn't want to fail because there was no one in the world better suited to spend the rest of my life with me. I closed my eyes, pulled him over and pushed him down on the bed, he rolled over and held me down, I started unbuttoning him, he unbuttoned me, two or three, I began to see a field that had never been set foot before, he also put his hand on my underwear, and we kissed. Soon, however, they separated again.
"Yes, do you have feelings?" He asked me very unconfidently.
I shook my head, "What about you? He shook his head too.
He got off me and sat down on the edge of the bed, and I got dressed again.
"It seems that I still have to help you find a man." He smiled and shook his head
"Yeah, I've got to help you find one." We both laughed, and that laughter was always haunting.
我觉得结婚的意义是：是给相互爱的人一个承诺，彼此扶持相伴到最终。 If love is detached from its form, it will become easy to lose and unstable.
When love can not go into marriage, the surrounding environment, crowds often change, it will change with it. Even men and women who enter marriage have to face these unstable factors, and some of them eventually come to the point of breaking up because of these reasons, not to mention that there is no such procedure, only by fate.
I am Blue's blue elf and share the most positive energy every day
Written for the largest number of sexual minorities!
The first person in the article is not me! I'm just used to narrating in the first person.