Sakura came to me and said, Fat Fish, I don't know when to pay attention to your public name. One day, I accidentally saw that you were also in Wuhan, and I felt very kind in my heart.
Below is Sakura's story, a story about choice, which I sorted out with her permission.
01
When I first bought the house, my husband Yang Jun (pseudonym) and I had a disagreement.
He wants to buy in Wuhan, and I want to buy in Shenzhen.
Yang Jun's reason is that Wuhan's housing prices are cheaper, more suitable for life, and education is also good. In addition, he went to university in Wuhan for 4 years, he was extremely familiar with the city, and he was from Hubei, which was close to his hometown.
But I disagreed, I said, I prefer Shenzhen, not at all familiar with Wuhan, let alone feelings.
My family is from Shandong, I went to university in Zhengzhou, and after graduating from university, I went to Shenzhen.
After a stalemate, Yang Jun finally compromised and agreed to buy a house in Shenzhen.
It was 2018, and the house prices in Shenzhen were already very expensive. I was 31 years old and went to Shenzhen for 9 years; Yang Jun was 33 years old and had been in Shenzhen for 10 years.
I was 29 years old, and at the birthday party of my college classmates, I met his colleague Yang Jun.
Before that, I had a failed relationship, and my ex-boyfriend also met after coming to Shenzhen. We were together for 4 years, and in the end he chose to return to Xi'an. He wanted me to go back with him, but I didn't agree. I like Shenzhen so much, so hard to stay here, I don't want to go.
After knowing Yang Jun, we are all older young people, we both have that meaning, and we are soon together. In 2017, we received our license. In 2018, after taking stock of the deposits we both had on hand, we planned to buy a house.
02
The combined savings of the two of us are more than 1.1 million, and the houses we can see are very limited. It is either broken or remote, and it is inconvenient for us to go to work.
Finally, I compromised a little, or bought a relatively broken small house, the house is very small, by the former owner reluctantly made into a small two-bedroom. But when the transfer was done, I was still full of joy. Because with this little home, I can stay in the city with honor and integrity.
When I bought a house, my in-laws took out all their savings and supported us with 300,000, while my family's conditions were not good, and my parents did not give a penny. My mother also said that when we got the permit, she didn't even ask for the bride price, which was already very good. Think about it, our family has big rules and high bride price.
After paying the down payment, the mortgage has to be repaid more than 10,000 per month. For us, it is also not a small pressure, basically accounting for most of Yang Jun's salary, and my salary is used for living, as well as various expenses.
A month down, the balance is very small. Thinking that we still owe a lot of money to the bank, Yang Jun and I can only save our lives again and again. He never wore a T-shirt and pants for more than $50, and I stopped buying expensive cosmetics just to save more.
Because we are not young, we have to have a child first.
In 2019, when I was preparing for pregnancy, I found that Yang Jun was getting more and more wrong. He had insomnia every night, and when he came back from work, he would rather sit alone in the corridor in a daze than enter the house. He used to be able to eat very well, eating less and less, and people are getting thinner and thinner.
When I met him, he was such a vibrant man, but now he is unwilling to do anything. It's like a withered flower, lifeless and dead all day.
In the past, when he went to work in the morning, he would get up early and make me breakfast, and now I called him to get up, and he didn't want to get up and procrastinate.
His whole being revealed a very sad state, and I thought it was his work pressure.
During that time, the new leader of their department changed, and he and the new leader did not deal with it that way. I always thought it was because of this.
03
Until that day, several colleagues were chatting in the office, and one colleague said she suspected her husband was suffering from depression. I was shocked when I heard it. Hurry up and go online to check, the more you check, the more panicked and frightened you are.
Yes, these symptoms of Yang Jun are the symptoms of depression.
That night, Yang Jun came home and looked at him with a stubborn look, unable to lift his spirits. I said, husband, I'm worried about your body, or we'll take a leave of absence tomorrow to go to the hospital. You are the pillar of our family, and our family still counts on you.
At first, Yang Jun disagreed, he felt that he was depressed, too busy and tired at work. But I pestered him for half a day, and he finally agreed.
Yang Jun was diagnosed with moderate depression, and doctors prescribed him medicine.
But he didn't cooperate, and I was helpless. As soon as I said that, he lost his temper and said that he was fine and didn't need to take medicine.
But his external state is getting worse and worse. He used to be such a clean person, but now he comes home and just lies lazily on the couch, unwilling to take a shower or change clothes, and I can't look at the sloppiness.
I was very anxious and worried about his condition, and I couldn't get pregnant. Doctors say that exercise is good for Yang Jun. Every morning, I called him out of bed and tried to take him for a run, but he didn't want to, preferring to cover his head with a cup. When I call him again, he will be impatient.
To tell you the truth, although I go to work every day, I still worry about him in my heart. Several times, I saw on the news that there were depressed people jumping off the building, and I was terrified.
In October of that year, Yang Jun's college roommate was happy to have a daughter, a child for 100 days, and invited us to return to Wuhan to gather. It was also this time that I found that Yang Jun came back with these classmates and was in a much better state. He also took me to his alma mater, which had a lot of tall plane trees in it, which I loved too.
04
However, as soon as he returned to Shenzhen, Yang Jun began to lose again, and his memory became worse and worse, and his work became more and more unsatisfactory.
I asked him to resign. He asked me, he resigned, what about the mortgage?
Yeah, we're like machines that can't stop, and we can't stop, it's all about survival.
After thinking about it for two days, I took the initiative to discuss with Yang Jun, or should we sell the house and go back to Wuhan? I'm more concerned about his physical health, and for me, he's the one who accompanies me to old age. I don't want him to have any accidents.
At first Grim wasn't too agreeable, he felt tossed. I said, if such a toss can make you easier and healthier, I am willing to toss.
Yang Jun said follow me. Next, I hung the house in the intermediary and resolutely let Yang Jun resign.
At this time, I found out that there was a thyroid problem in the physical examination of the unit, and I did a detailed examination, which was cancer. Good thing it was early.
It also accelerated my determination to go back. Even if I am not so familiar with Wuhan, isn't there still Yang Jun?
I used to think I was young and could still work hard. Wait until the moment when the body is out of condition, we understand that money is something outside the body, what are we coming to this world for?
If you can make yourself happier and less stressful, why not?
I did not dare to tell Yang Jun about my condition. Because I was afraid that it would irritate his condition.
05
It was a very torturous day, really, at night, Yang Jun, who couldn't sleep, was lying around, and I was worried about my illness. Although I know that thyroid cancer is an undead cancer, but how much is involved with cancer, I don't even have children, and I don't know what the future will be?
My girlfriend accompanied me to the operation, fortunately, the cancer cells did not spread, which is good news. The week I was hospitalized, I lied to Yang Jun that I was going on a business trip, and he believed it. And I was worried about him, so I had to let my cousin go to my house to watch him and quietly report to me about his condition.
Shortly after my surgery, my house in Shenzhen was sold. We agreed with the buyer that we would spend the last year in the house and rent for two months.
However, before the Lunar New Year, the epidemic broke out in Wuhan. We couldn't go back for a while and had to rent for a few more months.
Looking at the various reports on the news, I said to Yang Jun, husband, we all have to be well. You have to cooperate with the treatment, there is no obstacle on the road of life, after this suffering, we will definitely get better and better.
Yang Jun began to cooperate with taking medicine, and I often pulled him downstairs for a walk, and his state got better little by little.
And I also resigned, after the operation, to review, the recovery is not bad.
In June 2020, I returned to Wuhan with Yang Jun. We rented a small house near his alma mater, and although we couldn't enter the school gate because of the epidemic, it was good to feel it so close.
Yang Jun, who never exercised before, under my guidance, began to get up and run in the morning. During that time, we didn't have jobs, and we had savings to sell houses, and I said to him, no hurry.
It's okay, we also went for a ride on The East Lake. On holidays, when we have time, we will make an appointment with his classmates to climb the mountain. Those students who stayed in Wuhan have experienced the epidemic, and everyone has become more loving and cherishing life, and their attitude is slowly affecting Yang Jun.
06
By March this year, when he accompanied Yang Jun to the hospital for examination, the doctor said that he had returned to normal.
At the end of last year, we had already bought a house in Wuhan. The house is next to the lake, and every day you can see the calm lake by pushing the window, and the days are much slower than in Shenzhen.
In the second half of last year, I also accompanied Yang Jun to many cities, and we traveled around on a budget, and our feelings were better.
Yang Jun started working in May this year, his new job is close to home, riding more than 20 minutes a day to the unit, no need to squeeze the subway bus, no need to change, very convenient. The treatment is not as good as before, but the work is not as tiring as before.
I only went out to work for more than a month, because I was pregnant, Yang Jun suggested that I resign. He said that now we pay two or three thousand yuan a month on our mortgage, and we still have some savings in our hands, so we don't have to worry about life.
Now I am more than 4 months pregnant and I love the city more and more.
At one time I thought that I belonged to Shenzhen, although its pace was fast, but I ran hard, trying to keep up with its pace. I graduated from college and met Yang Jun there, got married and bought a house. Many important moments in life are done in that city.
Before Yang Jun fell ill, I never thought about leaving. But unexpectedly, because of Yang Jun's illness, as well as my illness, the pain was painful, and in the end we chose to leave.
Some friends have asked me, after leaving Shenzhen for more than a year, do you regret it?
I don't regret it.
I used to be very persistent, but now I understand that where there is love, there is a home. Only with love, no matter what city you are in, the heart is at peace.
07
Some people will ask, does Yang Jun know my illness?
He knew, and I had taken the initiative to tell him, after his depression had gotten better.
After listening to me, he hugged me and cried, saying that he was sorry for me, and that he was immersed in his own world in such a difficult moment for me, not with me.
I said, it's okay, you'll just spend time with me later.
So, since I was pregnant, every time I went to the pregnancy test, he would accompany me, even more nervous than I was.
Looking at him like this, I think it's okay.
If we are still in Shenzhen and are busy every day, in the end, maybe only busy is left.
Now, we can still enjoy life, although there is not much money, but with each other's company, our hearts are tightly attached, is there anything more important than this?
Also, I've long fallen in love with the hot dry noodles here. Every morning a bowl of hot dry noodles, steaming life, because there is Yang Jun, there are children in the belly, the days are also hot and at ease.
I love these days more than ever.
PS: It's a bit of a bland story, but I see affection in it. Perhaps it is entering middle age, and the understanding of life has deepened. Every city has its own good, and what suits it is the best. Each of us has the right to choose a happy life, cherish the present!