01
In the documentary "Leftover Women", there is a line that reads:
"I can put conditions on it, but definitely not on it."
In fact, most of the older leftover women in reality have this kind of thinking, they have been insisting on it for so many years, nothing more than looking for a man who really has feelings for themselves, if they give up, this is equivalent to denying themselves.
As a result, they searched year after year, expecting the Prince Charming in their hearts to appear, so that they missed the marriageable age and became the "older leftover women" in people's eyes.
Looking at the older unmarried women in life, although they are becoming more and more independent, they are becoming more and more difficult to choose a mate, which is a heart-wrenching fact.
From a male point of view, when a woman is over 30 years old, she is not the best marriage partner, so when a man chooses the other half, the first thing to exclude is often leftover women.
Many older unmarried women, after experiencing the double ordeal of life and feelings, begin to become more critical, preferring not to marry if they can't find a matching man.
Therefore, when they were urged to marry, entered the marriage market, and experienced several painful failures, they gradually understood that they had long lost the advantage of choosing a mate.
Those older unmarried women who are not favored by people end up paying a painful price for the arrogance of choosing a mate when they were young.
Can't they really get married? No, but they solidified their previous ideas, always thinking that they could find a better object, so they refused to give up.
Therefore, the reason why older leftover women are difficult to marry is mostly because of their own reasons and have little to do with men.
02
Jia Pingwo has a novel called "Temporary Sitting", which writes about the life and emotional experiences of a group of women, some of whom are single and some are divorced, and although they have a bright appearance, they have no really happy life.
Marriage, in their eyes, is not a union of love between two people, but a transaction of material and enjoyment, very secular.
Therefore, although these women live a carefree life, what they exude is a lazy temperament.
In the treatment of mate selection, their choice is even more surprising, some women like more money, some women are bent on marrying rich people, and some women even if they marry love, they have not escaped the end of betraying marriage.
In them, there is too much vanity and enjoyment, but they do not see the independence that women should have, they squander their youth, they also squander love, and in the end they are naturally not very lucky.
In the final analysis, there is a problem with their three views, and there is no correct orientation for marriage and love, so that they go farther and farther on the wrong road.
Looking at some women in reality, they also have such a wrong three views, they are not righteous in their thinking, they do not recognize themselves, and in the end, they are not only difficult to marry, but also live a mess of life.
Therefore, for some older leftover women, their inability to marry is not caused by men, but often their three views are not correct, and finally delay themselves.
03
In the "Tokyo Women's Picture Book", there is a girl named Aya, who originally had a boyfriend who loved her very much, but she finally chose to break up because her boyfriend had no money.
After the breakup, Aya became more realistic, and she often went to various upscale venues in anticipation of meeting successful and excellent men.
During this time, Aya made a variety of different boyfriends, ranging from local rich families to successful businessmen to really rich people, and so on.
However, after Aya interacts with them, she discovers that these men will always only be in love with her, and as long as she mentions marriage, they will leave.
Aya felt that these men were too irresponsible, and she recognized the reality more clearly, and finally, she also began to wake up to the fact that only by making herself better could she pursue the life she wanted.
So Aya began to work hard, and she devoted all her attention to work and study. Kung Fu pays off, she has indeed achieved a little, not only has her own career, but also has enough capital to live.
At this time, Aya's age no longer allowed her to fall in love, because after 30 years old, she could not afford to spend it.
Therefore, Aya began to participate in blind dates, thinking that she could marry an equally excellent man with her own excellence.
Unexpectedly, reality slapped her hard. When Aya entered the blind date market in a designer outfit, no man took the initiative to come to her blind date, because she was too old.
At this time, she woke up, and she was no longer in demand in the marriage market.
Aya regrets her squandering of love in the first place, but time has passed and everything is irreparable.
In fact, many of the leftover women in reality are like Aya, squandering love when they were young, always wanting to find a better one, but they delayed themselves and gained more than they lost.
Some leftover women, always say, if marriage will degrade the quality of life now, then why should I get married?
However, they did not think that marriage was a matter of two people, working together to run a family. If there is no responsibility, only care for their own enjoyment, do not know how to pay for marriage and family, how to get real happiness.
Most importantly, in the eyes of men, a woman over 30 years old is no longer their ideal marriage partner.
If leftover women really think they are excellent, they can find better men, which may be a false proposition in itself.
If the same conditions apply, why don't men look for younger women instead of marrying you?
04
In "Round Table Pie", Liang Wendao once said such a sentence:
"In the matter of childbearing, it is basically difficult for women to be over 40 years old, but men can still have babies even if they are fifty or sixty years old." Therefore, when women have more initiative in the blind date market, it is only ten years, missed, and it is more and more difficult to go in the future. ”
Indeed, how many years has a woman's flower appearance and moon appearance really been able to be self-congratulatory?
If you can't treat marriage with the right attitude, I'm afraid you will only let yourself be left behind, and in the end, it will be yourself who will be delayed.
In fact, in the eyes of men, women's so-called excellence is not a condition for attracting them, even if you are independent, exquisite, and tasteful, in the face of age, you will become vulnerable.
This is the pale reality.
No matter what era they are in, what men value most is women's youth and fertility conditions, without these two points, no matter how many advantages, they don't care.
Finally, an older unmarried woman is reminded that:
Don't squander young capital, don't squander love, some things once lost, can never be found.
Women's marriage events, it is best not to delay until after the age of 30, do not wait until they become older leftover women, and then be looked down upon in the blind date market, it is not worth it.
Only by having the correct three views can we not let ourselves lose what we should have, and can we pursue true happiness.
Life is like this, and so is marriage.
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I am Ye Feifei yff, focusing on the creation and sharing of the emotional field, communicating with you and my heart with emotions, willing to listen to your story, analyze emotional views, and warm each other!