Illustration: From "Kung Fu Mother-in-Law"
01.
Zhou Guoping wrote in the book "Sometimes Love is an Illusion": "True love begins from the combination of home, and everything at the beginning is only the prelude to love, thick and wonderful content, in later chapters." ”
The love phase is mostly free, because only two people are in face-to-face contact and life. We can pursue the life we want, regardless of anything else.
But marriage is different, marriage involves two families or even multiple families, is the interaction and life of multiple people.
This also dooms us to have to consider all aspects of interpersonal relationships and factors after starting a marriage.
Therefore, the real love life begins after the combination becomes a home.
Ninety-nine percent of the "difficult points" in love life are reflected in marriage.
My cousin Xinyan, at first, thought that her married life would be as smooth and beautiful as when she was in love.
Xinyan and her husband Guo Qiang, after graduating from college, ended a four-year love run and got married.
02.
Originally thought that marriage is a new starting point for happiness to go to the next level, who knows, followed by a test that has never been seen before.
Soon after the marriage, Xinyan's mother-in-law accidentally fell down the stairs, injuring both legs and having a slight concussion.
Xinyan originally discussed with her husband to hire a nurse for her mother-in-law, but her mother-in-law refused to let Xinyan take care of herself at home.
In the face of the mother-in-law with a firm attitude, Xinyan, who has no choice but to ask the company for leave, plans to take care of the mother-in-law at home first, and then slowly do the mother-in-law's ideological work, maybe the mother-in-law agrees to ask for a nurse.
During the days when she was taking care of her mother-in-law at home, Xinyan was really doing her best, and she was no worse than treating her own mother.
I had to rub my mother-in-law once a day, massage my mother-in-law's leg muscles according to the doctor's instructions, and I bought a few healthy recipes to make three meals a day for my mother-in-law according to the recipe.
Although a day is harder than going to work, Xinyan has not complained a word, she only hopes that her mother-in-law can get better as soon as possible, and she will go back to work as soon as possible.
Fortunately, all this Xinyan did, the mother-in-law saw in her eyes, and the mother-in-law was more gentle to her than in the past.
03.
However, the good times were not long, just when the mother-in-law was almost recovering, Xinyan received a call from her father, saying that her mother had suddenly had a heart attack and had been sent to the hospital.
After hanging up the phone, Xinyan, the tears could not stop falling, she suddenly felt that she was most sorry for her parents.
Parents gave birth to themselves and raised themselves with painstaking upbringing, giving themselves everything they could give, but what about themselves? After graduating from college, he was not able to do a good job of filial piety for his parents, and he married early.
Xinyan was eager to run to her parents immediately and accompany them well, and a voice in her heart said: "Go back, go back to take care of your mother, and do a good job of filial piety."
After she told her husband what she thought, he also agreed that she would go back to take care of her mother: It is not easy for my mother-in-law to go back to take care of her for so many years, for you to your heart, you should go back to take care of her, my mother here you don't have to worry, she has recovered almost, and I am here, you can go back with peace of mind. ”
Xinyan was touched by a mess, she really did not look at the wrong person, whether it was in love or after marriage, her husband supported his decision as always.
However, the heavens did not go according to people's wishes, and Xinyan's decision was resolutely opposed by her mother-in-law.
04.
Xinyan suddenly felt cold, although she had already given up patience to explain to her mother-in-law the reason why she wanted to go back, but her mother-in-law still had a firm attitude and did not let her go back.
Xin Yan, who was on the verge of collapse, shouted to her mother-in-law for the first time: "Why don't you let me go back to take care of my mother?" She had a heart attack and I don't know which time I saw her might be the last. ”
This was the first time that the mother-in-law had seen Xinyan like this, and to be honest, she was a little frightened, but she still pretended to be calm and said: "What do you say?" Just because you are my daughter-in-law, if you leave, who will take care of me? ”
Coincidentally, Xinyan's husband came back from outside, saw that the atmosphere was not right, and after understanding the reason for the matter, he looked at his mother with some anger: "Mom, what are you doing?" Mother-in-law is sick, Xinyan should go back to take care of her, don't you want to be unreasonable? ”
The mother-in-law knew that she was wrong, her mouth moved, and finally she did not say a word.
When Xinyan left, her mother-in-law handed her a bag of things: "This is for your parents, it is a little bit of my heart, yesterday's thing is that I am not right, I only care about myself, ignore your feelings, you don't get angry with me." ”
Seeing her mother-in-law like this, Xinyan's anger would have long disappeared: "Mom, I am not angry with you, I am not at home, you have to take care of yourself." ”
05.
There was not much contradiction between Xinyan and her mother-in-law, and this incident made their relationship even better.
Xinyan's husband's approach is very right, he understands and supports his wife, he knows how to understand his wife and feel his wife's feelings, which is why the marriage between them can always remain happy.
Sometimes, empathy is really important, between the two subjects of transposition, you understand his heartache, he also understands your difficulty, which is the most effective way to alleviate contradictions and promote mutual understanding.
Most of the contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law stem from not understanding, sometimes not understanding, sometimes unwilling to understand.
At this time, if you can put yourself in the shoes of empathetic thinking, then many contradictions can be solved.
They are all women, and women and women should be more able to understand each other, rather than tit-for-tat.
It can be difficult to ask the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to understand each other at the beginning of contact.
For all understanding is the act of empathy that arises only after understanding.
In fact, there is something that the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law do not understand at the beginning, which is very normal.
06.
Everything has a process of change, in which the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law should see the advantages and sadness of each other.
Then slowly think with each other, experience each other's difficulties, and move forward with mutual support and understanding on the road to the future.
There is a TV series called "Kung Fu Mother-in-law".
Ren Xiaoxian was on his honeymoon with her husband Huang Lezong, but Huang Lezong suddenly disappeared while surfing.
Mei Chaoying, a mother-in-law who did not know the truth of the matter, was deeply shocked, and suspected that Ren Xiaoxian had deliberately let Huang Lezong disappear in order to seize the family martial arts business.
For this reason, the mother-in-law hated the incumbent Xiaoxian and tried everything to drive away the xiaoxian.
However, in the face of every deliberate difficulty of the mother-in-law, XiaoXian survived, and also used his sincerity and kindness to accompany the mother-in-law through one difficulty after another.
In the end, in the relationship with Xiaoxin, the mother-in-law was gradually touched by Xiaoxin's strength and sincerity, and also understood that she was truly human and treated her like her own daughter.
Finally, he also pretended to be amnesiac in order for Xiaoxian to pursue his own happiness, which promoted the marriage between Xiaoxian and Chu Guanyi.
07.
Between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, the most difficult thing is to compare hearts to hearts, but the most important thing is to compare hearts to hearts.
There is generally no contradiction between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law who know how to compare hearts to hearts.
On the contrary, there are often contradictions between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law who only care about infinitely magnifying their own pain and completely disregarding the difficulties of others.
Because they lose their most basic empathy ability, they focus on their own emotions and ignore the emotional needs of others.
The problem of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not big, it is not small, everyone has their own experience and understanding, and each family also has its own way of solving.
But either way, comparing heart to heart is the first step in solving the problem of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Because only when the emotional resonance can we further affect the thoughts and behaviors, and can the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law always develop in a benign direction.