Source: Qianjiang Evening News
Among the key projects of the Hangzhou Federation of Social Sciences in 2021, there is a survey on intergenerational education, and the results show that
Today, the doting of grandparents on grandchildren is weakening
Self-learning upgrade and educational ability are significantly enhanced
Reporter Chen Suping
Recently, the reporter found a very interesting survey in the key projects of the Hangzhou Federation of Social Sciences in 2021: a study on the parenting of children aged 0-6 years old. Recently, the written investigation report for the 3-6 age stage in this project has been released, which focuses on the educational concepts, contents, behaviors and emotional experiences of the grandparents in the education of urban families in the next generation.
Research shows that today, in cities, most grandparents can understand the relationship between schooling and family education, as well as the possibilities and diversity of early childhood development. But at the same time, the complex emotional experience of intergenerational upbringing and the coordination of family relationships also make many families both hard and happy. Therefore, from a positive point of view, the generational upbringing that is constantly evolving is not only beneficial to the family individual, but also has a more far-reaching significance for society.
"With the advent of the era of second and third children, more and more families are facing the same situation, that is, 'generational rearing'. This topic is enduring. In fact, in the preschool stage, life is also an important way of education, and the participation of grandparents is very important. Shen Zhuoqing, a post-80s second-born mother, is a doctor of social psychology and a teacher at Hangzhou Preschool Normal College of Zhejiang Normal University, who has been engaged in family education research for more than 10 years, and is the person in charge of the final survey report of the Key Topic of the Hangzhou Federation of Social Sciences " Research on the Status, Problems and Countermeasures of 3-6-year-old Urban Children's Generational Rearing - Taking Hangzhou as an Example". In the investigation and research of the subject, she found that in the way of education, early childhood education should emphasize "living education", that is, education is not from books, but from life. Some individual cases in life are reflecting educational theory.
The reporter saw in the investigation report that at present, the main body of intergeneration parenting is still based on co-parenting, and women's participation in it is relatively high, and the parenting mode of the vast majority of families is that the father and the grandparents raise children together, accounting for 90.8%. What is different from the past is that in modern society, the education level of the grandparents has been significantly improved compared with the past - 77.8% of the education level above primary school, and nearly 20% of the ancestors have a college and undergraduate education level.
This also profoundly affects the quality of intergenerational upbringing and family status.
"Today, most urban grandparents will cultivate their children's self-care ability, rather than doing things instead; they will listen to their children and will not criticize them indiscriminately; they will praise their children in an appropriate way, rather than blindly praising them." In general, the ancestors generally have a high level of democratic parenting. On the basis of the data in the survey report, Shen Zhuoqing proposed that for the grandparents, taking care of the grandchildren brings complex and contradictory emotional experiences to the grandparents, and the parents should correctly view the education of the next generation, "The situation of doting is weakening." ”
Shen Zhuoqing also gave advice to her parents, saying that the grandparents were not obliged to raise their grandchildren, and even if they refused to take on the responsibility of raising their grandchildren, it was reasonable and acceptable. If the grandparents bear or share the responsibility of raising their grandchildren, the parents should try to recognize the sacrifices and hardships made by the grandparents to the family, and only when the expectations and recognition of the grandparents, the family and even the whole society for the grandparents to raise the grandchildren are increased, the stronger their willingness to raise the grandchildren. In this way, the educational ideas and concepts of the ancestors will be affected by the internal and external drive in the expectations and recognition, and the educational ability will be continuously renewed and renewed, and the educational ability will also be improved.
Grandparents should also correctly view intergenerational education, not missing but not crossing. Grandparents have rich life experience, to see their own advantages, but at the same time to recognize their own possible old concepts, wrong concepts, in the family education in the right position, parents are the "main force" of children's education, grandparents are a good "helper".
Eating, wearing, living and traveling are most likely to cause parenting controversy
These solutions are worth learning
Shen Zhuoqing found that when the early childhood period has not yet reached the school age, the difference in educational concepts between grandparents and fathers mainly exists in the daily life of food, clothing, housing and transportation, which is also the most controversial issue in intergenerational parenting.
"When parents' educational concepts are inconsistent, it is best to communicate and communicate privately, find the key to the child's problem, and jointly negotiate to find the appropriate way." Shen Zhuoqing said that there is no absolute authority in the family environment, and every family member has the right to raise children.
Therefore, based on this research and some daily typical cases, we would also like to provide you with some positive ways to raise up generations, so that grandparents and fathers can gain more understanding and consensus on the issue of intergenerational upbringing.
Some time ago, the cooling in Hangzhou was obvious, a kindergarten teacher found that the four-year-old Liang Liang (pseudonym) clothes are always worn bulging, she went to check, the result, the child wore 8 clothes, 5 pairs of pants. An inquiry, it turned out that because the weather cooled down, Liang Liang's grandmother was afraid of freezing the child, hoping that this would keep warm. In addition to wearing more, there are also fewer. Another kindergarten teacher also encountered a problem: a baby's parents divorced, the child was cared for by the grandmother, one day he came to kindergarten, the outside was a down jacket, wearing only a short sleeve inside, very afraid that the child would catch a cold. But in fact, children need to add or subtract clothes when they are active, and it is not convenient to wear and take off, but it is easy to catch a cold.
Children's metabolism is fast, and they can wear as much as adults, and sometimes even half a piece less than adults. Judge whether the child's clothes are worn enough, you can touch the back, the back is warm, indicating that the clothes are not more and no less; if there is sweat on the back, even the clothes are already wet, obviously the child needs to reduce clothes in time. At the same time, there are more activities in the kindergarten, there is a temperature difference between indoor and outdoor, and the down vest that is easy to put on and take off is a single item worth preparing. In addition, the probability of getting cold does not depend on wearing more and wearing less, but depending on the change or less, suddenly from thin clothing to thick cotton clothing, or suddenly from wearing a lot to very little, there is no transition in the middle, which will weaken the child's ability to adapt to changes in the external temperature, and it is easy to get sick.
"The doctor told us not to feed any more, saying that the baby's spleen and stomach would be damaged and would not absorb so much." Huan Huan (pseudonym), who had just entered the primary class, sighed helplessly, and her child had recently frequent diarrhea and was a little nauseous to vomit. Before the age of three, Huan Huan had to feed every time he ate, sometimes for an hour. Huan Huan's grandmother is afraid that the child will be hungry, so she chases the child to feed from time to time, and even sometimes the child is unwilling to eat, and will force a few mouthfuls of food to be at ease.
Children have the ability to control eating and perceive hunger, but when this perception is slowly deprived, children will slowly form dependence and have no concept of hunger and fullness. For babies, food is the best teaching aids, and the process of eating allows children to better practice fine movements and exercise the ability of children's hands and eyes to cooperate with each other. At the same time, let the children do it themselves, you can have more time to identify which ones are chewable and what does not need to be chewed, starting from learning to handle food, falling in love with eating, and discovering the fun of exploration.
Kindergarten teachers sighed that as soon as the holidays came, many children's living habits changed, and they could do whatever they wanted at home, which disrupted the regular living habits established by children in kindergartens, such as going to bed early and getting up early, napping on time.
There was a grandmother in Hangzhou who did this, but was praised by the kindergarten teacher of her granddaughter Kiki (pseudonym). Every weekend, get up early, breakfast, outdoor activities, lunch, nap, afternoon tea... Grandma Kiki still requires the children according to the kindergarten schedule and cultivates the children's regular living habits.
In a family environment, parents should make their children have a sense of routine. The so-called routine is to help the child understand the parents' expectations, and at the same time to give him a sense of security in this environment. For example, what should be the order of life in a day, so that you can develop a good habit of life. At the same time, for the development of young children, the consistency of family education is very important.
In the past six months, Dodo (pseudonym) mother felt that her son was particularly difficult to get, "Going to kindergarten, he must be the first to arrive at school, once the car broke down halfway, fortunately not late but not the first in his class, unhappy all day." When I came home from school, I had to press the elevator, and once when I pressed my hand almost well, he broke down and cried. How could this five-year-old be so inexplicable. ”
All children experience such an order-sensitive period in the early stages of growth, which generally occurs when the child is 2 to 4 years old. Children at this age do not know how to express emotions maturely, and can only solve problems through crying, shouting, beating and other behaviors. In this process, parents should rely more on and encourage, listen to respect, communicate patiently, do not deny the child in words, and help the child to pass this period smoothly. On the contrary, choosing a tougher way to discipline children, or even using suppressive education, is very inappropriate, and it is easy for children to feel denied, become inferior and unconfident in the future, and have interpersonal difficulties and emotional instability.