The main story of "Home on the Slope" is that Mizuho suffers from postpartum depression and drowns her daughter.
Looking at the whole story, the tragedy is related to the way her original family and husband and wife get along.
The way to get along with her original family: her parents control everything in the name of "love" and have been in a state of "denial" and "suppression", which has formed her inferiority and rebellious psychology. Insecurity, lack of parental care, extreme lack of self-confidence.
The way husband and wife get along: if they can't get the love of the original family, they pin their hopes on their husbands and fantasize about getting love in a perfect marriage. In the face of the change in the husband's attitude after marriage, instead of taking positive measures to talk openly and honestly, he blindly wronged himself to obey the husband.
Blaming her husband's inaction on her own lack of "goodness", drilling into the tip of the bull's horn of self-doubt, causing emotional instability, negatively consuming herself, becoming positionless, and pushing herself to the brink of collapse.
Reflection: Home is a place of love, not a place of reason.
As parents, they often educate their children in the way of "people who come over", because they are afraid of taking a detour, they manipulate everything they have with one hand, the original intention is for their own good, but in fact, they break the wings of their growth.
Under the protection of parents, children have formed a sense of dependence, not independent, not confident, blindly obedient, just like the flowers in the greenhouse, can not adapt to the outside wind and rain, no resistance, which is also the cause of many children now have psychological diseases.
The manipulation of parents will also make children have a rebellious psychology and rush to get rid of the shackles of the original family. In order to prove themselves, the common means is to fight against their parents, deny all the suggestions made by their parents, and often retaliate against their parents with excessive behavior, which is actually to destroy themselves.
As Gibran's prose poem "Your Child, Not Your Child" says:
Your children are not your children. They are children born out of life's desire for itself. They came into this world through you, but they did not come because of you, They are by your side, but they do not belong to you. What you can give them is your love, but not your love, Because they have their own thoughts. What you can shelter is their body, but not their soul, Because their souls belong to tomorrow, to tomorrow that you cannot dream of, You can do your best to be like them without letting them become like you. For life does not go backwards, nor does it stay |.
As a parent, the parenting of children should be accompanied by growth
Companion education, parents are very important to their own positioning, neither can there be no freedom, nor can there be freedom without rules, it is best to be a "captain type" parent, full of love for the child, but the bottom line is clear and can be clearly expressed.
Captain-type parents must first do their own thing, use their own actions to set an example for their children, and subtly influence their children.
People can't be perfect, so don't ask your child to be perfect, understand your child's needs, and guide your child to express your needs.
A qualified captain must be concerned about the distance, from the course to the preparation of materials. Similarly, raising a child should be based on the present, but also look to the future. Don't do everything for your child, develop his hands-on ability and self-thinking ability, as well as the ability to solve problems independently.
The most important point is that children must learn to be grateful, and gratitude can cultivate children's sense of value. The child's ability to survive must be developed.
In any kind of emotional relationship, the most important thing is two words: self - see yourself, accept yourself, and love yourself.
It is to see their own value, and be very sure of their preciousness, not to be bothered by the evaluation of the outside world.
You must first love yourself, in order to have the ability to love others, to have the ability to make others value you.
Your evaluation of personal value should not be based only on the other person's evaluation. The comments, praises, and pampering given by the other party are additional blessings, but they are not the only criterion.
Those mature lovers care about each other's feelings and do not disregard their own value.
Only when you really understand yourself, you know how to make choices, accept yourself, and only then do you know how to work hard, so that you will not panic because you don't get it.
Gillian Flynn wrote in The Vanishing Lover: "Marriage is about compromising with each other, managing hard, then managing harder, communicating and compromising, and then another round of business." Whoever enters this door, please do not take any chances. ”
Marriage is not as simple as two people forming a family.
If the husband and wife want to support a home, they must face and bear the ups and downs of life together, they are more like a cooperative relationship, only by working together can the family sailboat go smoothly. The absence of either side will only derail the sailboat and may even hit the reef.
As Shu Ting's "To the Oak Tree" says:
I must be a kapok near you, Stand with you as the image of a tree. Roots, clenched in the ground; Leaves, touching in the clouds. Every gust of wind passes, We all greeted each other, But no one understands our words.
"To the Oak Tree" expresses a concept of love that is independent, equal, interdependent and supportive, understands the meaning of each other's existence and cherishes its own survival value.
Especially between husband and wife, they should be rooted in the same foundation, share weal and woe, rely on each other, care for each other, and support the family together. Unequal love and unequal giving will only tilt the scales of the family, which will eventually lead to tragedy.
The great psychologist Alfred Adler once said: "Lucky people are cured by childhood all their lives, and unfortunate people are cured of childhood all their lives." ”
But what I want to say is that since we have no way to choose our own birth, no way to change our parents' educational concepts, we can only change ourselves, reconcile with our parents and maintain the distance of "a bowl of soup", care for each other and be independent of each other. The past can only be an experience, not a stumbling block on our way to growth.
Husbands and wives must have equal status, stand on the same starting line, and run the family with love.
Home is a place of love, not a place of reason.