01
Yishu said: "The only person who hates more than the other person's relatives may be our own relatives." ”
Because of marriage, we have a special kind of interpersonal relationship - family.
The two families, which were originally unrelated, were involved together for the happiness of their children. Originally, the people who met were all fate, but some relatives began to quarrel when their children had not yet held a wedding feast. Dowry money can easily become the fuse of contradictions.
After the children get married, the discipline of the grandchildren, the arrangement of confinement, the domination of work and income, the quarrels of the young couple, as long as there is a difference of opinion, will make everyone unhappy.
If you don't pay attention, you will fall out between your relatives and families. The little couple is caught in the middle, in a dilemma.
02
In the TV series "Tiger Mother and Cat Father", Bi Shengnan married Russell, one hoping that the child would succeed as soon as possible, and the other hoping that the child would grow up happily. Different ideas and concepts, so that the couple often have contradictions, coupled with the discord between the parents of both sides, the child Rosie Xixi forced to a depressed state.
Bi Shengnan's mother-in-law, Sun Yaxian, is a person with a hot personality, who must be strong and competitive in everything.
One day, Sun Yaxian and her husband Luo San province were shopping and met Bi Shengnan's father, Bi Daqian.
Originally, everyone passed by, but Sun Yaxian turned around and stopped Bi Daqian. She said, "Now, are you still a good grandfather?" What are you doing here? Pretending to be a ghost and running to my house, how much pressure did Sissi put? The contradiction between you and me adults, do you want to smash on the child? ”
Bi Daqian apologized vigorously.
Sun Yaxian was unforgiving, threatening to divorce her son and scolding Bi Shengnan as a madman. After the scolding, he grabbed the clothes on Bi Daqian's chest and wanted to beat people with his hands.
The bi sheng male couple who heard the news rushed to the house, and it was difficult for the two parents to pull apart, but they were scolded fiercely by Sun Yaxian.
In fact, it is all for the sake of "granddaughter Sissi is good", everyone's goal is the same, but good wishes have become a farce of chicken and dog restlessness. It's a shame.
03
In fact, contradictions between relatives and families are inevitable. How to deal with it? We recommend that you do the following three things.
First, learn to be tolerant: the family is not a "family", and no one needs to "pick" anyone.
Pro-family, also the first time to be a pro-family, has no similar experience before.
The two original families have different living habits, surrounding environment, family education, and economic level. If you want to be picky, you can definitely pick out a lot of faults.
For example, when the daughter-in-law is in the mother's house, she is a petite woman and rarely cooks. When you arrive at your in-laws' house, everything has to be re-learned, and the taste of the meal will certainly not be too good. Even if it is a shrewd and capable daughter-in-law, the meals she cooks will not necessarily satisfy the in-laws, after all, everyone's tastes are different.
The mother-in-law is picky about the daughter-in-law, and the mother-in-law is picky about the son-in-law, so that they will feel that the original "marriage" is wrong. They all feel that they have suffered losses.
Especially the wealth gap, the rich side will feel that it is financially damaged. If the bride price is very large, in the eyes of the in-laws, it is "blackmail".
As a family, we must tolerate the "differences" between families and strive to seek common ground while reserving differences. Even in a pro-poor marriage, there is no concept of "hierarchy". Believe that husband and wife are in the same heart, and their profits are broken. As long as the two little ones have a good relationship, everything will be fine.
04
Second, learn to be grateful: children can become a family, inseparable from the credit of "two parents".
As a member of the mother's family, think back to how anxious my heart was when my daughter was not married. Always thinking, find a good family, marry your daughter off, don't have to ask too much. Especially those older girls, really let the parents heartbreak.
As an in-laws, we must understand that the mother-in-law raised her daughter-in-law and trained her to study, which cost a lot of money. If the daughter-in-law goes to college, at least hundreds of thousands of dollars are spent in the mother's family.
For this marriage, everyone has made efforts.
In the hall of marriage, the two young people swore that no matter whether they lived, old, sick or died, they could not leave. Together, they then toasted together to the parents of both sides. The daughter-in-law gave tea to her in-laws, and from then on, everyone lived with Meimei.
Since ancient times, it is better to demolish ten temples than to destroy a marriage.
You don't have to lose your marriage because of family chores. If the children are divorced, as parents, how can they not be distressed? Only with gratitude can we truly achieve "generosity".
05
Third, keep your distance: there are many contradictions, and it is not clear to see.
I would like to advise you that if you get too close to your family, it will be a disaster.
Just like the "Father and Mother-in-law of Bi Shengnan" mentioned at the beginning, they all hope that Xi Qian will grow up to be talented. However, they managed Sissi's affairs too tightly, causing their relatives to get too close and intolerable to water and fire.
If, Xi Qian's affairs, let a certain party to manage, or the family does not care, let Bi Sheng and his wife to deal with it themselves, the contradictions will naturally become less.
Distance produces beauty. The two families move around too frequently, and on the surface they are very enthusiastic, but in fact, they amplify the contradictions and turn some trivial matters of life into the fuse of contradictions.
Children and grandchildren have their own children and grandchildren. Wise parents, who do not interfere too much in the small family of their children, are quarrels between the two children, and they are also waiting and seeing.
Calm down for a while and everything will be fine.
06
Conclusion.
Goethe said: "Although we can grow up under the protection of our parents and relatives, rely on our brothers and friends, and be happy because of our lovers through the help of our friends, in any case, in the final analysis, human beings are still dependent on themselves." ”
Anyone must learn to rely on themselves and strive to achieve a better self. In the meantime, leave others alone.
Spur yourself a spirit, spur others is nerves.
There is really no need to use your own ruler to measure others.
When you treat everyone as an individual, you will find that there is something worth learning from your family. Even if the family is at fault, it has little to do with themselves.
The contradiction between relatives and families is actually a process of "accumulation over time", and the exchanges are becoming more and more frequent, and the accumulated grievances will also increase. When the contradiction reaches a certain level, it is necessary to find a way to resolve it.
It is best that during the New Year's Festival, the two families still exchange ceremonies, and at other times, they will be fine.
The family is originally two families, when there are many contradictions, take a step back from the sea and the sky, and endure the calm of the wind and waves.
Author: Cloth coarse food.
Follow my words and go into your heart.
The illustrations in this article come from the Internet.