How to make the Italian people quickly have a feeling of "seeing each other and hating the night"?
Have you ever had the experience of meeting someone and immediately feeling, "This person and I have a lot of common languages"? Attraction arises quickly, the sensation of electric shock appears instantaneously, and intimacy sprouts in an instant, and you immediately fall in love with the person.
Conversely, you may also meet someone and feel, "This person seems to be from another planet!" Then there is a sudden loss of interest in this person, and alienation and coldness immediately occupy your heart, and you are immediately full of rejection of this person. Whenever you first meet someone, the feelings you have are between the two extremes. You don't know why you feel this way and not that way, they just happen so naturally.
Maybe you don't care, but how these people make up words does greatly affect your impression of them. In the same way, your choice of wording also exposes many of your personality traits to the eyes of the people you care about. Our language exposes our thoughts, and our words put us into different social classes. The words we utter can hint at our professional status, ideological tendencies, hobbies, and even our views on life. The phrases we use when we speak may seem careless, but in fact reveal the way we feel about the world.
In some European countries, people often speak five to ten languages or multiple dialects within the same language. If two people who speak the same dialect meet somewhere outside of their hometown, they hug each other warmly to express their recognition of the same background.
To establish a sense of similarity, you can use a subconscious language technique that is simple but to the point. Just by choosing the wording cleverly, you can make the person you want to feel like you're part of his or her hometown.
Words that can make the person you want to feel similar
Similar people use similar language. Family and friends use the same words to communicate with each other, and company colleagues or club members speak in the same style. Everyone you meet has their own language and subconsciously uses it as a criterion to distinguish themselves from outsiders, grouping family, friends, and co-workers into their own intimate circles.
You may not be paying attention, but your crush has a unique way of speaking, connecting it to his friends and family, professional circles, and attitudes toward life. In order to make your crush subconsciously feel that you two are the same kind of person, you can repeat their common vocabulary in an "echo" way. All you need to do is listen with a little concentration.
The same words have different meanings for different people. We know from elementary school that the immediate meaning of a word refers to its literal meaning, and the extended meaning refers to its specific meaning in different contexts—that is, the feeling that the word gives us. In order for your crush to feel intimate with you, you have to use the exact same language as them.
Gentlemen, let's say your friend just introduced you to a charming divorced lady. During the first meeting, she might use the words "child," "baby," "toddler," "little one," or "little thing" when she talked about her child. Maybe everyone in their family uses the same vocabulary, so when you talk to her, be sure to use the same words as her to refer to the little friend. When you repeat her usual vocabulary, she immediately develops a kind of intimacy in her subconscious—as if you've become part of her family.
My doctor was a young mother. When we first met, she mentioned her newborn in a chat. I know what "newborn" means, but I don't use it very often; in fact, I never use this technical term in everyday conversations. But I asked her, "When you go to work, who is at home to take care of your newborn?" She smiled at me. I felt that when I used her word "newborn," she immediately developed a warm connection with me.
Ladies, suppose you chat with a gentleman at a party. He's talking about his job, career, project, or mission. For example, if he's a lawyer, the word he uses should be "career." If you use the word "errand" to chat with him, he will resent you. But if the handsome guy you're talking to is a construction worker and you call his job "career," he may think you're being sarcastic.
When different influencers talk about their workplaces, they use different words: lawyers go to work in "firms," hosts work in "desks," architects go to "design institutes," and people in the publishing world like to talk about their "publishing houses." The "echo" technique is critical when talking to each other about work or hobbies, because if you use the wrong words, you will immediately label yourself a "layman" – a casual person who has no connection with his (or her) world, etc. When people meet people who know nothing about their lives, they generally instinctively turn their heads and leave. Given that your wording reveals how familiar you are with their world, don't inadvertently use the wrong words.
"Work" or "single" can also be used to refer to work. Gentlemen, if you're talking to a fashion model, you'd better use the word "single" so that the beauty can keep her interest in you. Ladies, if you're talking to a pop musician, you'd better use the word "work" or the guy will think you're rustic. As long as you use the wrong word, you will be on the verge of being out.
Remember my little Phil? Once the two of us went to a party. He was not far from where he stood, so I could hear what he was chatting with a beautiful actress. The actress was happily recounting a show she had just been on, and I heard her tell Phil that she really enjoyed rehearsal. Sounds like they had a great chat.
"Oh," said Phil, "how often do you train?" ”
Oops! Because I have a lot of friends who are stage actors, I know they don't like to hear the word "training." Sure enough, the pretty actress left Phil shortly after hearing this question. My friend, that technical term is called "dress rehearsal," not "training."
Tip 25 "Echo" trick
In the budding stage of the relationship, you still know very little about the person you want, and you don't know the other person's values, life attitudes or interests, but you can hint at the other person that you like everything about him (or her). Listen carefully to the random words in the other person's speech and repeat them over and over again. Sometimes there is really no reason. Of course, actors need to be trained before they can take the stage, but these stage workers never use the word "training", they only say "rehearsal". If Phil knew so little about her world and used layman's words like "training," how much interest could the actor have in him?
Within ten minutes, Phil was back in a state of conversation, this time with a group of people. A beautiful woman who looks exactly like Claudia Silver [inset] is speaking excitedly, saying that she recently bought a ski holiday home in the mountains. "Yes," said Phil, "where is your cabin?" ”
Her smile disappeared, along with her fondness for Phil.
I was dumbfounded, and I had to remind him later: "Phil, why did you humiliate her by calling the 'holiday home' a 'log cabin'?" "What do you mean by that?" Phil asked, his face full of confusion. "Chalet is a lovely word. My parents have a very nice cabin in Cape Cod, so every time I say the word 'chalet', I feel very kind. "Okay, but the tall skier didn't like the word. (Perhaps, now Phil doesn't like the word either.) ）
A budding love affair is like a bud waiting to bloom. Saying the wrong word can cause the whole plant to die immediately, never to be able to flower again
"Even the [body] language of both of us is very similar."
While the vast majority of people can't be graceful and comfortable in conversation, there are countless unmistakable messages in conversation that can reveal your cultural background.
Generally speaking, it only takes a few minutes of chatting, and people's backgrounds are exposed. People who grew up in different families certainly have very different ways of talking and dressing very differently. But have you noticed that people are actually very different from each other?
While giving lecture tours across the U.S. states, I met a woman named Genie Polo Cyrus on many occasions. Genie is an energetic brown-haired beauty who hosts a controversial but glamorous talk called "How to Marry a Rich Man" all year round. (God bless our freedom of speech!) ）
Genie told me a story. Once, a TV reporter followed her to Las Vegas for an interview, and on the way, the other party endlessly asked her how to judge whether others had money. "Oh, it's easy." She answered confidently.
"Good!" The reporter challenged, "Please find the richest man in this casino." ”
Genie immediately began scanning the tables with her keen gaze, and it wasn't long before her swift gaze stopped at a young man in jeans and a half-used plaid shirt. Like a well-instinctually and experienced hound, she immediately pointed her slender red fingernails at him: "This man is very rich." ”
The reporter was taken aback and continued to interrogate her in disbelief: "Why? ”
"His movements are at first glance from an aristocratic family."
Yes, male and female hunters, depending on the movements of people, you can indeed tell who is an old nobleman, who is an upstart, and who is a poor egg. In order to capture the hearts of the people you want, please regulate your behavior according to the way they behave.
Back in college, I found that people of different identities behave differently. My roommate was a TV fan at the time, and the never-ending sound of the TV often upset me. Later, when I couldn't do anything, I bought her a pair of headphones, hoping to buy time to concentrate on studying or enjoying peace. But the flickering electric box seemed to have a magic force, and my eyes were always sucked into the quiet little screen. Since I couldn't hear sounds, I paid more attention to people's movements, and I soon became acutely aware that people walk and do things in different postures, and even different people have differences when they sit down.
For example, if the actor's character is a lady of noble birth, she will bend her knees slightly, then gracefully lower her body, land on the front edge of the chair, and slide her body to the back of the chair, while the girl from Beverly Hills will sit in the middle of the sofa with a big grin.
For some people, "birth" is an important part of their love map. Here we do not discuss whether this preference is right or wrong, nor do we study how our times will change. The Bible says, "Love your neighbor," and many people say that as long as that "neighbor" lives in the same class of neighborhoods as them, they will follow the instructions of the Bible. For some people, neighbors who don't live in the same neighborhood become their lovers. But they never intended to get married, because they were still more comfortable with people from the same background, who were smart people. Scientific studies have shown that marriages between men and women of similar backgrounds are more durable and enjoy more happiness than cross-class marriages [illustration].
When I first graduated from college, I decided to travel as someone else paid for while broadening my horizons. So I worked as a flight attendant at a multinational airline, and passengers called us "flight attendants" and we called them "air rangers." My best girlfriend, Sandra, is also a Pan Am flight attendant and she is energetic and charismatic. After working for a while, we found that many air strays were not as "bad" as people thought.
We both enjoy working in first class because first class is really more comfortable on a long flight. Sandra and I often stood in the aisles or sat on the wide armrests of the seats, chatting with the passengers. Once, two very elegant single gentlemen flew to Paris in first class. They asked if we would like to go with them to dinner at one of the top local restaurants when we arrived in Paris.
"Yes!" I say.
But Sandra hesitated. She walked to the bathroom and motioned for me to follow.
"Sandra, why don't you want to?" I closed the bathroom door and asked, "They look pretty good." ”
"Well," she explained, "I don't feel very comfortable with that kind of person. ”
"What kind of person?" man? I asked.
"No, you know," she said, "rich man. Sandra went on to explain that she felt comfortable talking to them because airplanes were where she worked, but going to a fancy restaurant with them scared her.
I was shocked. Although I didn't grow up eating caviar and drinking champagne, I thought at least everyone would be willing to try it. I was wrong! Many people only feel comfortable if they are in a relationship with someone with a similar background.
By the way, Sandra's later story. A few months after declining an offer from "high society," she resigned from Pan Am and married a chef at a fast-food restaurant in Queens, New York.
Also, the last time I spoke to her on the phone, she was still very, very happy.
Technique 26 Imitate the behavior of the other person's class
Male and female hunters, the pursuit of high status of the italians, compared to the pursuit of wild cats in the forest, the way of nature is very different. People in polo shirts and pants and people in bowling T-shirts and drink beer have very different body language. Observe how he walks, how she sits, how he turns around, and how she raises a glass, and then train your demeanor to resemble your crush.