The Buddha said, "In this life, no matter who you meet, you are the inevitable person in your life, you have a reason, you have a mission, it is not accidental, this person will definitely teach you something." ”
Those who appear in life, some to warm you, some to train you, some to disappoint you.
The more people I met and the more things I experienced, I slowly understood:
Not everyone can accompany you to the end, and not everyone is worth your sincere efforts.
There are always some people, no matter how hard you try, how to please, or can't impress his heart;
There are also some people who don't need too many words, too much to give, can get along very comfortably.
At a certain age, you will understand:
The best relationship between adults is to get along comfortably.
01 "Comfortable relationship, no need to cater, no need to please"
Zhang Ailing once wrote such a sentence:
"When she saw him, she became very low, very low into the dust, but her heart was joyful, and flowers blossomed from the dust."
When I was young, I was always moved by such emotions.
I also thought that loving someone was like this, that I could humble him to the dust, that I could disguise myself as he liked, and that I could please him infinitely and please him.
But you don't understand that tiptoeing to love someone, in the end, the only one who can hurt is yourself.
Because, people will get tired after a long time, and love will break their hearts when they hollow out.
And the people who really love you don't need your deliberate flattery, don't need your caution, and don't need your grievances to seek perfection.
What he loves is what you are, not that you pretend to be humble and pretend to be what he likes.
It's also a comfortable relationship in the adult world: no pandering, no flattery.
After all, wishful thinking, trying to please the flattery, in the end what you get is never sincere, but disappointing.
Just like the heroine in the Japanese drama "Calm Leisure", in order to please her boyfriend, she secretly got up an hour early every day to pull her curls into straight hair.
Not only that, the boyfriend didn't like her to drink, so she pretended that she wouldn't drink, and she would get drunk if she drank a little.
But what about the result of such desperate pandering and hard at flattery?
It is that the boyfriend is more and more disrespectful to her, and even ridicules and ridicules her with colleagues.
I've heard the saying, "Any relationship that requires you to try to accommodate it is wrong." ”
Because every time you pander, every time you please others, you give up a position that you hold on to inside.
In the end, even you yourself will hate such a humble, flattering, self-denying self.
You know, a comfortable relationship is never to lower your posture and blindly please each other, but to simply and truly do yourself.
So, instead of thinking about who to please, it is better to try to be true to yourself.
Not humble, not pandering, not flattering, you are you, the best you.
02 "Comfortable relationship, intimate and intermittent, familiar without overstepping"
There is a term in psychology called: "out-of-limit effect":
Refers to the psychological phenomenon that people are stimulated too much, too strongly, or act for too long, thus causing extreme impatience or rebellion.
Many people are like this, thinking that the relationship with each other is very familiar, they lose their original sense of distance, and thus unscrupulously invade each other's boundaries.
But even if the relationship is close to two people, if there is no due sense of boundaries and proportions, the final end will still go to a strange road.
Because people get along with each other, close and interpersonal, familiar with not excessive, such a relationship is the most comfortable.
Have you ever had an experience with a good friend of many years?
I have.
The cause was a very small matter, and she wanted me to cooperate in completing an interview.
But at that time, I was too busy at work and refused.
Then, she complained about me, was cold to her friends, didn't care about the friendship she had, and refused to help.
I didn't explain anything, just silently deleted her.
From many years of friends to the current strangers, it is impossible to say that you are not sad.
But man is a very strange emotional animal, too far away will miss, too close can hurt.
I couldn't stand the trifles she shared with me every night about her and her husband because I was sleepy to death;
I also couldn't stand her occasional sudden calls, just reminding me to help her cut a knife and give her a boost;
What I couldn't stand was that she threw a tantrum at me for no reason and apologized to me afterwards...
In this relationship, I am tired and feel more and more uncomfortable.
I think it's time to put an end to this friendship.
Zhou Guoping once said: "A sense of proportion is a sign of mature love, and interpersonal communication must know how to abide by the necessary distance between people." ”
The best relationship is not entangled, but intimate and interrelated; the best relationship is not between you and me, but not overkill.
Life is like a ruler, there must be a degree; feelings are like faces, do not cross the line.
A comfortable relationship must be at an appropriate distance, neither deliberately distant nor overly intimate.
Just the right distance to get along longer and more comfortably.
03 "Comfortable relationship, know you cold and warm, understand your sadness and joy"
Gu Cheng wrote in a poem:
"The grass is bearing its seeds, the wind is shaking its leaves, and it is very beautiful for us to stand without speaking."
Whether it is love or friendship, we all hope to meet a person who understands you, understands your implications, understands your desires and stops, and understands your sorrows and warmth.
You don't want to say, I won't take the initiative to mention it; you're sad, I'm silently waiting.
The most comfortable relationship between people may be like this: know that you are cold and warm, and understand your sorrow and joy.
In Romeo and Juliet, there is a description like this:
"She wanted to stop talking, but her eyes were already telling her heart."
In this life, it is a kind of luck to meet a person who knows you and understands you, and it is also a kind of happiness.
In the show business circle, the most envious thing is the friendship between Chen Kun and Zhou Xun.
Many times, Chen Kun will hold his grievances in his heart, not knowing where to start, and not knowing how to bring them up.
Zhou Xun did not rush to ask questions, but silently accompanied him, using silent silence to resolve the sadness in his heart.
As Chen Kun said in an interview:
"Because I don't need to say much with Xiao Xun, I'm a little bad, so let's drink a little bit, listen to music, two hours have passed..."
Life comes and goes, meet a person who understands you, have their own dependence, have a yearning and expectation for tomorrow.
I once asked my girlfriend, why is he so determined, and it will be him in the future?
The girlfriend smiled and said:
"Because he knows me best, understands where I mind, understands my emotional breakdown points."
With him, I would feel comfortable and wouldn't worry about being ridiculed or having to explain too much.
When I think about this, I want to laugh, and the future becomes clear. ”
Life is easy to find a companion, but it is not easy to find a person who is comfortable with.
So, when encountered, be sure to cherish.
The rest of my life is so long, I believe that we will eventually meet such a person, understand your hard work and efforts, know your warmth and sorrow.
You don't have to say, I understand, this is the most comfortable way to get along, but also the best fireworks in the world.
04
I like this sentence:
"Comfort is like the april wind and the September rain, which makes people feel comforted and at ease."
Although there is no uniform law of human interaction, there is a distinction between comfortable and uncomfortable.
Comfortable relationships, no need to pander, no need to please; uncomfortable relationships, careful, too humble;
Comfortable relationships, intimate and interspersed, not excessive; uncomfortable relationships, tied too tightly, physically and mentally exhausted;
Comfortable relationship, know you cold and warm, understand your sadness and joy; uncomfortable relationship, no words, no words to say.
Life is already very tired, so don't force yourself to maintain an uncomfortable relationship.
People are all seeking advantages and avoiding harm, and for the rest of their lives, giving up the uncomfortable and embracing the comfortable is the correct way to get along.
Finally, may you not be flattered, may you not be strong, contented and motivated, gentle and determined.
Life is so vast, don't let uncomfortable people or things block your vision, to run a comfortable relationship, to enjoy the scenery farther.
Share.