1, the kitchen year-end summary meeting, the cup first spoke: "This year, I am a cup. ”
Chopsticks thought for a moment: "It seems that only I can hold it here and put it down." ”
Rags jumped out and scolded, "I rub! ”
2. In the evening, take your girlfriend to eat hot pot with your family. Mom enthusiastically picked up meat such as beef balls and fish balls and said to her girlfriend at the table: What you like to eat can be taken to the pot and rolled.
As a result, the girlfriend replied strangely: It's okay, auntie, you guys roll!
3, you must be careful when riding at night, if you see a person and a dog, you must not pass through the middle, because they may have a chain in the middle...
4, double eleven this day my girlfriend is very obedient, after eating very early to sleep, is not awake until now, called no response. I'm worried if it's too many sleeping pills...
5, there is a beauty and plastic surgery hospital has been sending advertising text messages to me, now big data know who is ugly, right?
6, only the weak will cry and cry when breaking up and beg him not to go, we strong people are kneeling on the ground and holding each other's thighs to make it difficult for him to move.
7. Before my son would shout "Daddy", the cumulative number of times I shouted "Daddy" to my son should exceed the number of times he called me in his life.
8, friends borrow money is used for turnover, turnover is divided into rotation and rotation.
When a friend asks you to borrow money, it is a rotation, and you must borrow it within one day, but when you return the money, it is a public transfer.
9, the strangest thing in the world is: my mother took my father's salary card, but let me learn to be smarter and not to give the salary card to my future wife.
10. Sun Wukong asked the Eight Precepts of the Pig: Why were you relegated to the mortal world?
The Eight Commandments looked at the moon helplessly: The Jade Emperor asked me to complete my daily tasks, and I misunderstood...
11, cat A: "Why did you tear the caught mouse into pieces?" Don't you think it's cruel to do that? ”
Cat B: "But the rat slices are really delicious." ”
12, drinkers are really blind, said that the zodiac consistently drink a cup, the result of a chicken a genus rabbit, the leader said that the chicken rabbit in the cage also have to drink a cup...
13, in the field of home cooking, the wife is an artist who can raise cooking to the philosophical level. Because the food she makes often make me think about who I am, what I'm eating, why I want to live, and so on.
14 Every security guard is a philosopher. Every day they ask the three ultimate questions of philosophy: Who are you? Where are you from? Where are you going?
15, I went swimming with my wife, she wouldn't, and then I taught all kinds.
After a while, she suddenly said, husband I seem to be full.
16, my wife only recently finished watching the "first drop of blood", I told her that there is a second part, asked her to search online.
Half an hour later, my wife said that I couldn't find the sequel played by Stallone, and I looked over and searched for "second blood".
17, a classmate of mine, when choosing a major in college, made it difficult, his mother wanted him to learn media, and his father wanted him to learn marketing.
In the end, he fulfilled the requirements of both parents at the same time and entered the pyramid scheme...
18, accidentally saw a name, Li Yiliang, and then began to frantically loop a lyric in his head", "Unity is Li Yiliang!" Unity is Li Yiliang!
19, want to travel, open the street view for two hours, close the computer satisfactorily, and give this month's travel plan a correct number.
20, the girl I have a crush on lost a book, I found it and returned it to her: "Dear, your suicide note." ”
21 In my life, it is a blessing to meet my wife, the love of my life, and the mother of my son.
And the unfortunate thing is that today the three of them met.
22. Yesterday, I saw a public service advertisement calling for care for the elderly left behind, and I felt endless sadness
Why do they have more hair than mine?
23, go out with others for a day, you will find that when you go home, the remaining power of your mobile phone is directly proportional to the degree of liking for this person!!!
24, is it to have more confidence in their own dishes to make a restaurant not even have Wi-Fi!?
25, my two female classmates in front of me quarreled, a female classmate said that you were kicked in the head by a donkey. Another female classmate said that you don't know how to kick a little lighter...
26. Q: How can you suddenly pop out a sentence and a half of foreign language while talking, which will seem more foreign?
A: Don't BB.
27, just now the buddy said," "You get married soon, I can be a groomsman, while I still have hair", this is the reason why I have heard that it is really difficult to refuse.
28, statistical experts say that the death rate of bar fights first is 85%, which is a clear data deviation. Those who survive will definitely say that the other party will do it first.
29, you ask your sister for a phone number, if you think that your sister gave you a fake phone number, you change a few numbers and read it again. If the girl corrects you, then it means that the number is real, new skill!
30, has always had an idea, if the hairdresser and fitness coach locked in a room, who will be the first to get the card?