Shame is a feeling that everyone has experienced; shame is probably the last thing everyone wants to experience. What is shame? In layman's terms, it is humiliating and faceless. When people feel a strong sense of shame, they are eager to hide themselves, drill into the cracks in the ground, and see no one. How does shame affect a person? How to face shame? In the fourth day of the second session of the Satya Model Sculpture Workshop, Teacher Hao Zongyuan led the students to explore the topic of shame. This article may give you the most comprehensive picture of shame.
shame
The "lethality" of shame is enormous
SHAME。
I was very bad
I don't deserve it
Shame was described as "near death, severely destroying physical and mental health."
In the Hawkins energy level, the last two are guilt and shame. The energy level of guilt is 30, the energy level of shame is only 20, and the energy level of love is 500.
Why does shame affect people so much? Because the sword of shame is pointed directly at a person. When I feel ashamed, I feel that I am not good as a whole, which is a denial on the human level and the deepest degree of negation that a life can experience.
Shame is not the same as guilt. Guilt is the negation of things. When I feel guilty, I feel like I'm doing something wrong.
Since ancient times, there has been a saying that shame is death. Especially in feudal society, those women who lost their virginity before marriage felt that they had no face to live in the world, and many chose to tie their lives.
Because shame is a deeply hidden emotion, many times people often experience its "close relatives": shy, embarrassed, embarrassed, ashamed and angry.
In life, some parents also use shame to educate their children. For example, scolding and humiliating children in public, so that children should not do certain things. The negative impact of this is profound.
Teacher Zong Yuan used an analogy, if the original main theme of life is compared to a sine wave, it is soft and quiet; but there are often murmurs that interfere with people hearing the sine waves directly, and shame is one of the biggest murmurs. Because it is a judgment about "who I am," it is a fundamental denial of the self. Under a strong sense of shame, people will feel that they are terrible, that they are not worthy, and that they do not even deserve to live.
Where does shame come from?
Before conducting in-depth exploration, Teacher Zong Yuan first led the students to deepen their understanding of shame from theory.
Shame comes from many aspects:
Origin: This involves social class. Farmers, for example, may be ashamed of their origins.
Poverty
Educational attainment
Region: For example, people in small towns may experience shame when facing people in first-tier cities.
Gender: In China, many women are ashamed of their gender.
Sexuality, sexual orientation
Trauma: Especially trauma caused by sexual assault.
Physical disability
Appearance, body shape, appearance
Occupation
Ethnicity, race
Personality defects
Divorce: Some divorced singles are ashamed.
Abandoned
Rejected
Betrayal
Compare
Parental conflict
Physical and mental illness of the family, including mental illness
Privacy is exposed
Humiliated in public
Physical abuse, verbal aggression
Isolated, excluded, and discussed
Loss: This includes the death of a loved one
Teacher Zong Yuan explained that all these factors that may be related to shame are not caused by the event itself, but the way they are treated and judged in this event make people experience shame.
Among them, a very interesting phenomenon is that different people will experience different degrees of shame in the same event, which is closely related to everyone's sense of self-worth and self-esteem.
Do you dare to face your own shame?
Seeing heals
Turns out, all I need to do is hug myself.
Before starting the inner journey, Teacher Zongyuan asked everyone with a hint of humor: "Are you all ready?" ”
Everyone raised their hands, and everyone knew they were about to face a "hardest bone to gnaw."
"Do you feel that even if you just say something shameful, it makes people feel ashamed?" As soon as Teacher Zong Yuan's voice came out, the students nodded their heads.
In the next "Warrior" session, the two trainees are in a group. Teacher Zong Yuan first invited everyone to write down the shame events they had experienced in a notebook according to the source of the shame they had just described.
Before starting the recording, Teacher Zongyuan guided everyone to connect again, "Regarding shame, we will work together as a group, it is very safe here, first connect with your partner, thank each other." ”
This journey of inner exploration also means that everyone has to touch the most painful place in the depths of their hearts, which requires a lot of courage and trust.
The group began to practice, and with the notes on the paper, everyone had embarked on a difficult but meaningful path of self. With the initiation of the inner, some students have already experienced the most unbearable feelings in the past in the process of writing, and some have shed tears.
"Now, everyone takes the written list and tells each other the shameful events in turn, ten minutes each."
This is a great challenge for everyone, especially for those "secrets" that have been in the heart for decades, or even decades, and the process of exposing them to privacy that has never been revealed to anyone is very difficult; and the process of healing has begun.
Many students, looking at the ground, were embarrassed to look at each other, and slowly said those unspeakable events word by word, word by word, tears welled up, and their hearts churned with great rivers. At the end of this session, many students were already in tears.
"Next, the teaching assistants will give each person two pieces of paper, and everyone will draw with colored pens."
In the first round, everyone chose a shame event that they most wanted to see, drew it on paper, and focused on showing their inner feelings, rather than the real scene that happened at the time.
Many students choose dark colored brushes to start painting: black, brown, dark blue...
After the painting was completed, under the guidance of Teacher Zong Yuan, everyone began to have a dialogue with the painting:
Stand in the position of the protagonist in the picture and see what she wants to say? What do you feel inside? What she wants...
Stand in the next character position in the picture and think about his situation? See what he's going to say...
Everyone looked at their own paintings and began to express themselves. Between the opening and closing of the lips and teeth, the deepest pain of the soul is slowly being seen... Anger, grievances, sadness, despair, shame, clinging out of the basement of the soul...
"If you feel anger, you can clench your fists, squeeze the anger in the palm of your hand, imagine throwing it out like throwing it into the sea. You can also do whatever you want. ”
In the venue, everyone continued to express: some people stomped their feet hard, some people struggled to punch, some people pounded the floor fiercely...
This is the cry of the heart, the deepest view and liberation of a person in the innermost after a few years.
When everyone exposed the most injured softness, Teacher Zong Yuan guided everyone to open a meditation:
It turns out that it is possible to say shame; it turns out that seeing itself is healing; it turns out that all I need to do is hug myself...
In meditation, almost everyone cried: this time, it was a different kind of tear - heartache, touch, joy, love...
At the end of the meditation, Teacher Zongyuan invited everyone to paint a second picture: at this moment, look at the shameful event that you just painted to see if there is a different expression.
Everyone started to get warm color pencils: pink, red, yellow, green...
The picture of life has been rewritten. Everyone has transformed their own sense of shame.
Some students have previously painted ten thousand arrows piercing the heart to express their feelings at that time; in the second painting, the arrows are gone, and a complete heart has finally returned, and next to the heart is the free flowing river of life...
Some students have previously painted themselves bound and entangled by countless ropes, and they are not seen by the outside world, which is very frightening; in the second painting, the rope is gone, and the child finally shows his own appearance, and also blooms a smile, basking happily in the sun on the grass...
The Satya model holds that every life is a unique manifestation of cosmic energy, with countless resources and self-sufficiency. This is the main theme of life. Shame is the murmur of life, not life itself, and when you are willing to summon up the courage to pick up the most unbearable corners of your heart, to see, listen, respect, and understand, change will happen. The murmur will slowly recede, and you will hear the main theme of life again: love, peace, joy, gratitude, tranquility...
Teacher Berman once said: You are not the pain of living; you are the miracle of walking.
At the end of the fourth day of the course, many students experienced: I am a miracle of life; I am a unique treasure.
Despite the pain, the pain was not me. I have a choice, I used to hide my pain; now, I can choose to free my pain and give myself freedom.