How do I get along with my parents?

Originally published in China Youth Magazine, No. 19, 2021

@Wen/ Wang Li

At seven o'clock in the evening, I sat at my desk on time with a pen and paper, and my battery mobile phone was quietly waiting with me for the hotline to ring.

I am a volunteer on the "Going to The Rescue" psychological emergency hotline. I'm often asked, what does a psychological first responder do? My answer is: the psychological first responder is a companion. Accompany those whose hearts are in pain and listen to their voices.

Most of the people who call for help are young people, who often encounter setbacks of one kind or another in their lives, do not know how to communicate with others to solve problems, and do not know how to resolve stress. Some people can never forgive their parents because of something growing up, and some people turn love into a heavy mountain on their shoulders...

A few days ago, a senior boy called and said that he had an argument with his parents because of a small matter, and said a lot of gambling words, and no one paid any attention to anyone. Now he regrets it, he is about to start school, he wants to apologize to his parents, but he doesn't know how to open his mouth, afraid that his parents will not forgive him, and wants to ask himself what he should do. There are many calls like this, and the common denominator is that they do not know how to communicate with parents, do not know how to say and how to do it, and worry about not being understood and not recognized.

In this regard, I give the following advice:

Sincere communication. After constant emotional friction, the relationship between children and parents in some families may become tense, but there are still expectations of communication between the two parties. At this time, it may be easier to break the deadlock by taking the initiative to open the mouth of the children. In daily life, you can also carefully observe your parents' hobbies or habits, try to say more heartfelt words to them, and try to find your common language.

Try to understand. From the perspective of teenagers, communicating with parents must adjust their mentality, not to be affected by the bad mentality of parents, but to influence them through our words and deeds. If you think about it, some children will always be influenced after being insulted by their parents, and then do irrational things. But let's think about it again, what is the original intention of parents, they must want their children to be good, but there is no good choice in ways and methods, so although it is difficult, you can also try to understand them and forgive them.

Make a difference. At home, if you have not done housework, you can share some small chores for your parents, washing dishes, sweeping the floor, etc., believe me, your small changes parents will definitely see. I believe that most of the children at home are dealing with mobile phones and computers, some people can even play with mobile phones and computers all day, but think about it, doing some housework for the family is at most half an hour, and it can increase the warmth between family members. A lot of bad emotions and bad communication will be slowly dissolved in such warmth.

Add interactions. If you think about it, whenever our parents want to ask us to go to the supermarket or go out together, many of us respond with "I don't go anywhere, I'm going to stay at home" and "I'm going to go on your own." I used to be like this, but then I found out that staying at home wasn't as happy as I thought. Try to go out of the house, accompany your parents to see, cherish the time with your parents, because as you grow older, the time allocated to your parents is destined to be less and less, and one more minute of companionship will have more steadfastness and warmth.

The most difficult communication between children and parents is to understand each other. Whether it is for children or parents, it is recommended that everyone think differently. Empathetic thinking can help you objectively examine this matter, so as to make more rational thinking, say the right words, do the right things, and not add fuel to the fire when the other party's emotions are at their worst. To put it simply, if you want to have a good relationship with your parents, turn them into good friends who don't talk about anything, treat them sincerely, less emotionally, more sincerely, sincerity is more effective than all language and skills.

Finally, I sent two lyrics of the song "Tick" to my young friends: Sort out the mood and start again, and someone will worry about you!

I hope that every child can get along with their parents in harmony and everyone can have a beautiful and happy family!