He's by my side, but everything about him has nothing to do with me

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Every night at 10 o'clock, I am waiting for you here

He shouldn't be right to you and pros and cons after

The straw Caught in the panic

01

There is a question on Zhihu: "Marry someone you don't like, what happened to them later?" ”

Someone replied: He is by my side, but everything about him has nothing to do with me.

Colleague Da wen and her husband met at a blind date party, Da Wen is excellent in all aspects, the boy's emotions are in the empty window period, and the two people naturally come together.

But in fact, Dawen is not the type that boys like. She is beautiful and excellent, but her strong personality is not acceptable to boys.

To this end, she deliberately changed herself according to the other person's preferences, becoming a little gentle in order to be able to stay with him for a longer time.

At Dawen's urging, they got married.

It seems that many people are like this, finding a similar person at the same age, the future days are not about whether they are impressed or not, but all aspects are appropriate.

After marriage, Dawen's husband did everything a qualified husband should do. Take the initiative to do housework, pick up and drop off on rainy days, never return late, no bad habits, and do not have ambiguous contact with the opposite sex.

But he still didn't love her enough.

They were together, and there was very little conjugal life, and it was often her initiative, which may be just a routine for him.

But Dawen was pregnant.

She was happy to learn the day she was pregnant. In her opinion, the birth of this child will make them have a deeper connection with each other, and maybe one day, he will truly fall in love with himself.

After pregnancy, Dawen's husband took good care of her, pushing away the outside socializing and business trips, washing and cooking, and accompanying her every pregnancy check-up.

Just when Da Wen thought that life was driving on a good trajectory, Da Wen's husband cheated.

Da Wen later said to us: In fact, I understand his cheating, after all, with a person he doesn't like, in the days to come, he can only make a scene.

After the child's first birthday, the two divorced.

Many people are like this, deeply afraid of getting zero points under this examination paper of love, so they made a choice in a hurry, but the final gain, more is to harm others and harm themselves, after all, the gamble of marriage, not everyone can afford to lose.

02

At the age of 30, his parents asked his friend CC to return to his hometown, honestly married a local civil servant, and under the introduction of relatives, he had his current husband.

After dating for a while, I won the lottery only once without doing security measures. Your parents say that you are 30 years old, and since you are pregnant, get married quickly.

Afraid of the obvious belly, so set a closer day, in this way, CC and her husband married, back to their hometown to raise a fetus.

One day when talking about the topic of marriage, the "people who came over" CC inevitably complained:

"I think back to the past few years, I want to buy a bag of thousands of dollars to treat myself, but he told me to pay off the mortgage and ask me not to spend money indiscriminately."

When renovating the house, we had a disagreement because of picking the sofa, he was a bit macho, the sofa he wanted to buy leather, but I wanted to buy fabric, that day he was directly in the furniture company, sent his selected pisha to the house.

Outsiders have always only looked at consummation, just like this sofa, in this marriage, there are many unsatisfactory.

In the third year of marriage, my mother-in-law complained that I did not care about my family and quarreled with me, and my husband did not stand on my side, only left a sentence of 'can live, can not live away', at that time I really considered, do not want to live with him.

But I can't, because in my hometown, there are too many two people who can't get by, but no one dares to take this step, after all, people are terrible, and those gossip will crush a person.

People often say to me, it's so good, you are married to a civil servant husband, life is stable, and there may be shortcuts for future children. ”

But only I know the pain, because I don't want to worry my parents, because I can't let my child become a single parent, because after divorce, I am afraid that I will never find someone who is good to my children. We can only avoid friction, control our emotions, and make our marriage not worse.

Some time ago she said to me, "Don't marry someone you don't like, you think getting married is living together, you think you can endure all the grievances and bear any misfortune, but I tell you that marrying someone you don't love is a long torture, torturing your mind like the devil."

Marriage without love is like a birdcage, you are like a bird trapped in a birdcage without freedom. Because there is no love as a basis, considering each other and even naturally hurting each other is what needs to be "acted" with life.

03

When I watched "The First Half of My Life" before, there was such a passage in it that I remembered deeply:

People live a lifetime, there is no next time, this life can not be made up, will be ah, it is not like going out to eat a meal, this time this restaurant is not delicious, just make it up to eat, the next time to change one.

The reason is understood, but all people are in place, just like this, will be in place, live a lifetime. "

Although marriage should be the closest to the hero's fantasy in our lives, many people walk in the door of marriage, and the principles initially adhered to are weakened or even worn out.

Love should not be desperate to let go, but should be a rare tacit understanding, true permanence, solemn determination, he is not the straw caught in the panic after your rights and pros and cons.

May the story no longer hurt and the sunshine remain warm after many years

A rational and nostalgic healing guy

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