It is the 157th original content released by Chenma in 2021
The full text totals 2100 words and takes about 2-4 minutes to read
In a class on systematic psychology that year, the teacher did a temperament type measurement for us, and the moment I saw the test results, I was stupid! I always thought I was a gentle and generous little sister, who knew that the test results showed that I was actually a bile of the Zhang Fei type!
Temperament type
Thinking about it again, I am indeed an extremely angry person, but I always thought that it was because I was too busy and had too many things to get angry.
Look, not knowing yourself is the first, giving reasons to yourself is the second, and the misunderstanding of consciousness is real in each of us.
Since that test, I began to consciously control my emotions, "there is no panic, nothing is not chaotic" This sentence I often chant in my heart, adult emotional management is a lifelong thing, the more busy the more you should manage your emotions.
The result was, of course, good, and the friends and colleagues around me felt obviously that I had become softer.
Change comes from within
The biggest beneficiary is the son who spends time with me day and night.
I remember him carefully asking me why I suddenly changed my expression when I was a person, at that moment my heart was full of guilt, he repeatedly confirmed to me that my change was not a whim, but really wanted to change my irritable temperament type, for this change in my cognition, he was very happy, "Finally no longer have to worry about the moment to face the mother who may erupt at any time like a volcano!" ”
There is a saying on the Internet that the mark of maturity is whether you can control your emotions, but for people like me who are born with bile, emotional loss of control is instinctive, and we need to fight with our irritable constitution for a long time.
Managing Rage cover
Toda Hisami, director of the Japan Anger Management Association, has been popular in Japan for many years, and after watching his video online, I found his copy of "Managing Anger.".
Kumi Toda, president of Adot Communication Co., Ltd. Graduated from Rikyu University. He has been a lecturer for 27 years and has been a lecturer for 220,000 people in large enterprises and government agencies. Based on mutual trust, the teaching targets have carried out seminars and lectures on "anger management", "interpersonal communication", "complaint response", "demonstration", "lecturer training", and "female leadership training" in many places, based on mutual trust and with the theme of "communication and communication". His books include "When Angry, You Can Calmly Express Your Talents", "High Emotional Intelligence Communication: Adler Tells You That High Emotional Intelligence Is Talking", "Encyclopedia of Communication Skills to Reverse Results" and so on.
In this book" Managing Anger, Toda Explains How to Manage Anger and How to Deal with Anger from several aspects, including the impact of anger on the workplace environment, the source and direction of anger, the composition of anger, the practice of dealing with anger, the coping methods when involved in anger, the guidance method, and the method of reprimand.
directory
I agree with the point he conveys in the book: it is not necessary to be angry, but to aim for anger that does not regret, and to make communication and communication between people smoother and more harmonious by mastering the skills of managing anger.
This is a typical Japanese method book, very easy to read, with a large number of cases to detail the 7 methods and two training modes of coping with anger emotions, relying on 5 methods to change the irritable constitution.
The 7 ways to deal with anger are:
Expressing anger in numerical form (quantification technique)
Imagine things that put you at ease (the repetitive effect)
Count in order
Stop thinking
breathe deeply
Using the Five Senses to "Land"
Add words to express anger
This is an extremely effective set of methods.
Inner page
The first quantitative technique can express anger in numbers, from 0-10 points, the more points indicate the more serious the level of anger.
In the process of quantification, we can find that some anger is mild, not enough to pose a danger to us, and should not be.
After quantifying, give yourself 6 seconds to count, but also let your brain calm down 6 seconds of time.
If you still can't restrain your anger after 6 seconds, try to stop thinking, the more you think in anger, the more likely you are to be biased. For example, try to block out a blank piece of paper when you are angry, give yourself a behavioral cue and complete pressing the pause button at the same time.
Taking a 4-second inhale, 8-second exhale, and let yourself breathe deeply at a frequency of 4-6 times per minute is also a good way to restore your inner peace again.
Increase the sensation of hearing, smelling, touching the five senses, use mindfulness to calm yourself down, stop anger, and pay attention to other feelings.
Finally, add words to express anger, use multi-dimensional words to describe your anger, and further experience that anger is amplit.
The 5 ways to change your irritable constitution are:
Record anger
Manage anger with a problem-solving attitude
Try to distinguish between what can be changed and what cannot be changed
Take constructive action
Don't worry about things you can't solve anyway
These five ways to change irritability are very practical.
For example, in the request to record anger, he asked to record it on the spot, and recorded it without any analysis. If the scene is not convenient to record, then you should also write it down before you forget it.
One of the biggest benefits of keeping a rage record is that it allows us to be more clear about what our anger patterns are, figure out what we're angry about, and naturally be able to better reflect on why we're angry.
Find the cause of anger, naturally is to deal with the problem in the attitude of solving the problem, to actively change the things that can be changed, not to do more entanglement in the things that cannot be changed, and to see yourself naturally has a lot less reasons for anger.
gentle
Mature emotional management has never been to avoid emotions, correctly look at each emotion, rationally sort out the reasons for each emotion, and make changes that you can make, which is the correct way for a truly mature person to treat his own emotional management.
"Managing Anger" book is very thin, there are many cases, the method is also very grounded, is an easy to read and easy to implement the Japanese emotional management method book, suitable for people like me who are born with bile, of course, it is also suitable for people who are easily affected by the habitual anger around them, there are methods, there are professions, recommended to you!
I hope that each of us can get along with anger and manage our anger correctly!
I am Chen's mother, a reader who reads 160 books in 2020 and reads at least 3 books a week. Focus on adolescent upbringing and self-lifelong learning, and share my reading, education and psychological knowledge. Like my original text welcome to follow, like, retweet and comment! Please contact me for reprinting, thank you!