Missed true love

Text/Shi Jingyun

In the quiet pine forest of the central island of Taoranting in Beijing, two white jade tombstones standing side by side are particularly eye-catching. That is the tomb of Gao Junyu and Shi Pingmei.

In the chaotic world of the Republic of China, there are many beautiful people in the chaotic world, and many beautiful people are destroyed. In the eventful autumn, no matter how gorgeous you are, it is like a rose in a cage, fresh and dazzling but easy to wither. They have loved and hated, tried to live out the true colors of good daughters, and tried to break through the chains of bondage. Some of them were whipped by the old system, some broke through the shackles and were reborn, they are all very remarkable, but many have been forgotten, including the love story of Shi Pingmei and Gao Junyu that I want to tell you today.

Shi Pingmei, along with Zhang Ailing, Xiao Hong, and Lu Yin, is one of the "Four Talented Women" of modern Chinese literature. She was passionately pursued, and after falling in love, she found that the person she loved had a wife. She left with a fierce heart, but missed the love of her life.

Born in Shuxiangmendi, Shi Pingmei, formerly known as Shi Rubi, milk name Yuanzhu, pen name Pingmei. His father has long been teaching at Shanxi Provincial No. 1 Middle School, a person with a straight personality, rigorous learning, Shi Pingmei is deeply influenced by family style, from an early age versatile, skilled in writing. After graduating from the Shanxi Women's Normal School, in order to seek a deeper academic attainment, he was admitted to the Beijing Women's Higher Normal School.

When he first entered the capital, shi pingmei's father was worried that his daughter was lonely and helpless, so he entrusted someone to take care of her, and Wu Tianfang of Peking University entered Shi Pingmei's vision. Shi Pingmei, who was not deeply involved in the world, credulously believed his oath in Wu Tianfang's rhetoric, but inadvertently discovered that Wu Tianfang was a person with a family, and maliciously deceived Shi Pingmei to be ashamed and indignant, and decided to leave. What makes people speechless is that Wu Tianfang actually took a bite back, threatening Shi Pingmei to make her love letter written in him public, and saying that Shi Pingmei, a new woman of May Fourth, seduced her husband. Shi Pingmei, who encountered a scumbag and suffered trauma in his heart, has since embraced celibacy.

In the spring of 1922, Shi Pingmei and Gao Junyu met at a meeting of fellow villagers in Shanxi. Gao Junyu was an anti-Yuan fighter in middle school, erudite, courageous, and alert, after entering Peking University, he was very close to Li Dazhao, Deng Zhongxia and other teachers and friends, and was a backbone member of the Beijing Communist Party Group and the Young China Society, on May 4, 1919, led the students of Peking University to launch a student tide, this young man with revolutionary ideals and ambitions, in the gradual interaction with Shi Pingmei, gave birth to a heart of admiration. However, Gao Junyu is also bound by feudal traditional marriage, and has a wife at home who has no emotion. For this sacred love, Gao Junyu did not want Shi Pingmei to suffer the same grievances after Wu Tianfang, nor did he want to continue to fail his wife in his hometown and delay his youth, so he decided to divorce, and the two families also reached a consensus happily, so that the two victims of the old-fashioned marriage could get the freedom they had longed for at the same time.

In the face of Gao Junyu's pursuit, she cannot forget her first love that cannot be looked back, and does not dare to face the loss of purity of herself, and can only choose to refuse and escape. Not to mention, she couldn't tolerate herself stepping into someone else's marriage again and hurting another innocent woman. He pursued it bitterly, and she repeatedly refused. Her refusal made him sad, but he still wrote back to show respect for her choice and continued to be her confidant and friend, but did not stop pursuing her.

In October 1923, Gao Junyu became ill from overwork in the rush for the revolutionary cause and recovered from illness in Xishan. In the late autumn, the maple leaves were like fire, and he remembered her who often appeared in his dreams, so he picked a red leaf and sent the poem to Shi Pingmei.

"The mountains are full of autumn colors, and a piece of red leaves send love."

He used the red leaves to confide in Pingmei the long-hidden love, anxiously waiting for her response, but waited for such a sentence: "The withered flower basket does not dare to bear this bright red leaf." Pingmei wrote this sentence on the back of the red leaf bitterly, and fiercely rejected his confession. She loved him, but she didn't believe in love anymore. In fact, it is not that she does not like Gao Junyu, but that she once had a first love, which made her no longer believe in love and determined to be single for a lifetime. After dissolving the marriage, Gao Junyu boldly confessed, but was blocked by Shi Pingmei's celibacy. Despite the repeated advice of Shi Pingmei's close friends Lu Yin and Lu Jingqing, they were unable to open the door of Shi Pingmei's heart. Gao Junyu knows the crux of the matter, respects Shi Pingmei's decision, and is willing to wait for her until she unties the knot. He made a final confession: "I have two worlds, one world everything belongs to you, I am a captive that even the soul is forbidden; in the other world, I do not belong to you, let alone myself, I am only a pawn of the historical mission." ”

However, stubbornly, she still closed her heart, unwilling to accept his full of friendship, and stubbornly wrote in her diary, "I can't stand him after all!" In October 1924, Gao Junyu died nine times in the completion of the revolutionary task, but still did not forget her birthday. He bought two ivory rings, one for himself and one for Shi Pingmei: "May you bear it." Maybe you can't bear it, let it be like a red leaf fate. I respect your wishes, and I only hope to commemorate our ice and snow friendship with the white sturdiness of the ivory ring..." After combining hopelessness, he could only retreat to the second place and be her eternal confidant. As he said, "I will go to the soup to seek what you want, and I will go to the soup to stop it if you do not want it." Can't do this, how can I say I love you"!

In March 1925, Gao Junyu was hospitalized with acute cecalitis, and Shi Pingmei immediately went to take care of him after learning about it. Remembering Gao Junyu's deep friendship with her over the years, the door of her long-closed heart began to loosen, and she comforted him to take good care of his illness, and when he was well, she might be with him.

However, Wu Tianfang suddenly sent a letter: "On the one hand, I congratulate you on your success; on the other hand, I am very sad and have lost my good friend... I always feel that in this world, the only thing that can comfort me is you, so if you don't marry for a day, I will be comforted every day. The old scars were uncovered again, but she still couldn't overcome herself and repented of her agreement with Gao Junyu.

Gao Junyu fell into a deep despair, his condition deteriorated, and he urgently needed surgery. In order not to worry her, he pretended that everything was fine and agreed to see him again in 3 days. Unexpectedly, after the operation, he was bleeding heavily, and he left forever, and goodbye became never to be seen again. After learning the bad news, she fainted many times in grief, hating her selfishness and cowardice. It wasn't until he died that she realized that all the scruples and repressions were all infatuated disappointments and insults to him. She hated herself, hated herself for not breaking through her own magic barrier earlier, bravely being with him, letting him die blind, and making her regret for life. She said, "You go slowly and wait for me to come to you."

By the Taoran Pavilion, the water is shining and the green trees are reflected. Once, they walked side by side here, and now she buried him here with her own hands, along with a frame of her, with all her feelings and hopes. She rejected the pursuits of others, wandered in front of his tomb, accompanied him, confessed to him, confided in him. She has been wearing an ivory ring, while sorting out and publishing his manuscript, while appealing to his love and regret, writing a famous article mixed with blood and tears, "Ivory Ring", "DreamIng Back to the Lonely Lamp" and "Tombside Lamentations". She personally put his self-inscription poem on the photo before he died: "I am the sword, I am the spark." I wish to be born as bright as lightning, and I wish to die as swiftly as a comet. "Let people engrave it on the tombstone. Every weekend, she came to mourn rain or shine, and watered the flowers and plants in front of his grave with tears.

Three years later, on 30 September, she died of meningitis at the age of 26. She chose to leave the world in the same hospital, in the same ward, or even at almost the same moment (around two o'clock in the morning). There is a diary under her pillow, and on the title page of the diary is written two lines with a brush: "I was unable to live with each other before I was born, and I wish to be buried in the desert hill after death"! The diary also contains his portrait and the autumn leaves he first confessed. A beautiful woman who is like a song and a poem withers away prematurely. "You wait, you wait, and before long, I will go with you and stay with you forever!" Such affection became a reality. Friends Lu Yin and Lu Jingqing fulfilled Shi Pingmei's last wish of "not being able to live together before they died, and wishing to be buried in the desert hill after death" buried her next to their loving confidants.

The road to love has always been full of thorns, and dare to face possible love and hurt in order to truly achieve happiness. Before Gao Junyu's death, Shi Pingmei had been living a very tangled life, deeply trapped in worldly rumors, unwilling to love, afraid to love, "In her own words, she is not only a rebel of feudal etiquette, but also a victim in front of the world's 'fearsome words'." First love is beautiful, like a flower with buds waiting to be released intoxicating, met a scumbag, fell hard in love, leaving a deep scar.

Shi Pingmei's love affair told us that a failure in love is not the same as denying all feelings, maybe the corner is true love, let the pain of the first love interfere with your next relationship, it is really a very silly behavior. Instead, we should grow and reflect in pain. Don't be afraid to meet the wrong person, the wrong person appears by no means accidentally, it will definitely teach you something. No matter what you lose, don't lose your faith in true love and the courage to pursue happiness, in this world, there is no such thing as regret medicine, and if you lose it, you can't chase it back. A life is very short, please cherish the person in front of you, if you lose it, you can't come back, and it is always easier to leave than to meet.

Nowadays, the "Gaoshi Tomb" has become the most poignant and moving love shrine in Taoran Pavilion, which is admirable and thought-provoking.