他的小野貓（二）

{"0":{"tag":"","content":"24"},"1":{"tag":"","content":"我走了。"},"2":{"tag":"","content":"我不知道如何面對他。"},"3":{"tag":"","content":"一想到他害死了我的父母，造成了我這些年的慘劇，我就痛到不能呼吸。"},"4":{"tag":"","content":"我恨他，更恨我自己，因為我自己竟然一點也恨不起來他。"},"5":{"tag":"","content":"他可是兇手啊，我卻因為自私的感情，從心底恨不起他。"},"6":{"tag":"","content":"我罵自己沒出息，罵自己沒有底線，罵自己不分黑白，可是我也不知道怎麼辦。"},"7":{"tag":"","content":"他後來打電話來找我，一直跟我說對不起，我一個字也沒回。"},"8":{"tag":"","content":"他應該知道自己的事敗露了，才會打電話來承認，可是，那有什麼用呢，我和他終于永遠也沒法在一起了。"},"9":{"tag":"","content":"「江肆月，我們的緣分到此為止吧。」我回了他最後一條微信，徹底将他從我人生中删除。"},"10":{"tag":"","content":"「好，楠楠，照顧好自己。」"},"11":{"tag":"","content":"這是我和他最後一次聊天。"},"12":{"tag":"","content":"後來開學，經曆了一個寒假的痛苦折磨，我突然性情大變。"},"13":{"tag":"","content":"我開始勾搭不同的男孩子。"},"14":{"tag":"","content":"每天微信聊天都忙得回複不過來，似乎隻有這樣，我才可以強迫自己忘記那些不愉快。"},"15":{"tag":"","content":"室友好心提醒我不要這樣玩火，我仍舊不在意。"},"16":{"tag":"","content":"可是，白天我可以和男生卿卿我我，但到了晚上，我又整夜失眠。"},"17":{"tag":"","content":"我覺得自己病了。"},"18":{"tag":"","content":"我室友不知道從哪裡搞到了江肆月的電話，偷偷告訴了他我的近況。"},"19":{"tag":"","content":"于是江肆月開始不厭其煩地來學校找我。"},"20":{"tag":"","content":"我很煩。"},"21":{"tag":"","content":"他總是将車停在寝室樓下，透過那扇窗戶看着我。"},"22":{"tag":"","content":"而我總是淡定地從那裡路過，從未走過去一次。"},"23":{"tag":"","content":"就像是一場無休止的拉鋸戰，表面上看起來我好像赢了。"},"24":{"tag":"","content":"以前總是我纏着他，他拒絕我。"},"25":{"tag":"","content":"現在他整天纏着我，我卻一次都不給他好臉色看。"},"26":{"tag":"","content":"他也沒有後退過，就那麼在寝室樓下守着。"},"27":{"tag":"","content":"我曾跟室友開玩笑，「他有本事就守一輩子，看誰堅持到最後。」"},"28":{"tag":"","content":"「最後還是我赢，他熬不過我，畢竟，他比我老。」"},"29":{"tag":"","content":"室友隻是擔心地看着我，無話可說。"},"30":{"tag":"","content":"我不知道我怎麼了。"},"31":{"tag":"","content":"這樣下去，我遲早會走上抑郁的道路，隻怕熬不到他放棄，我就先瘋了。"},"32":{"tag":"","content":"25"},"33":{"tag":"","content":"一個男朋友，确切地說是一個剛被我甩掉的男朋友李飛約我出去玩。"},"34":{"tag":"","content":"我答應了。"},"35":{"tag":"","content":"看，現在的我就是這樣，隻要有人找我，隻要我能有事情做，哪裡我都會去。"},"36":{"tag":"","content":"李飛和他的朋友租了一輛車去山頂的滑翔傘俱樂部。"},"37":{"tag":"","content":"玩到晚上，他隻開了一間房。"},"38":{"tag":"","content":"我知道他想幹什麼，我之是以甩了他，就是因為他想我和他睡。"},"39":{"tag":"","content":"我可以親吻，可以擁抱，但睡是不可能的。"},"40":{"tag":"","content":"是以我甩了他。"},"41":{"tag":"","content":"我當着他朋友的面，自己去開了一間房，他有些磨不開面子，狠狠地盯着我，「不跟我睡，還跑來約會，你什麼意思？」"},"42":{"tag":"","content":"「跟你約會就得跟你睡？你把我當成什麼？我不過是打發下無聊的時間，怎麼，你喜歡用強？」"},"43":{"tag":"","content":"「許楠，這麼不給我面子，你确定你不會求我？」"},"44":{"tag":"","content":"「求你？」我笑着道，「做夢。」"},"45":{"tag":"","content":"很快我就知道，他為什麼會說那句，你确定不會求我？"},"46":{"tag":"","content":"因為我喝了他遞過來的水，此刻在酒店衛生間，渾身無力，全身發燙。"},"47":{"tag":"","content":"我大概查了下，知道自己被他算計了。"},"48":{"tag":"","content":"房卡在他那裡，剛才我上廁所，讓他在門口給我拿下包。"},"49":{"tag":"","content":"此刻他正站在廁所門口，低聲道：「楠楠，出來，乖。」"},"50":{"tag":"","content":"「李飛，你怎麼這麼卑鄙？」我反鎖了廁所門，不讓他進來。"},"51":{"tag":"","content":"「卑鄙？楠楠，你總是不讓我碰你，你是心理有病，我是幫你克服心理障礙。」"},"52":{"tag":"","content":"「你放屁！」"},"53":{"tag":"","content":"我聲音都變得軟了。"},"54":{"tag":"","content":"身體很難受，很難受。"},"55":{"tag":"","content":"我不想跟他廢話。"},"56":{"tag":"","content":"打開水龍頭，一直用冷水沖着自己，可是冷到發抖，難受卻一點都沒消減。"},"57":{"tag":"","content":"他開始在外面踹門。"},"58":{"tag":"","content":"我第一次感到了恐懼。"},"59":{"tag":"","content":"我捏着手機猶豫了好一會，才給江肆月打了電話。"},"60":{"tag":"","content":"「江肆月。」我用微弱的聲音喊着他的名字。"},"61":{"tag":"","content":"「楠楠……」他有些緊張，大概是聽到我聲音不對，着急地問，「你在哪？」"},"62":{"tag":"","content":"「我不知道。」我腦袋已經開始暈了，有些不能思考。"},"63":{"tag":"","content":"「發個實時定位給我，别關機。」我聽到他那邊汽車發動的聲音，他一邊安慰着我，一邊告訴我很快就到。"},"64":{"tag":"","content":"後來我難受得不再說話，就在那哼哼唧唧。"},"65":{"tag":"","content":"我不知道他什麼時候來的。"},"66":{"tag":"","content":"隻感覺自己被他抱了起來。"},"67":{"tag":"","content":"他把我放在後座，用安全帶捆着我，「我送你去醫院，你忍一忍。」"},"68":{"tag":"","content":"「好。」我用盡最後的力氣回答。"},"69":{"tag":"","content":"可是路，太漫長了。"},"70":{"tag":"","content":"外面下起了瓢潑大雨，風雨交加。"},"71":{"tag":"","content":"我聽見雨滴打在頂棚上，越來越大，耳邊的風也像是要把車子掀翻。"},"72":{"tag":"","content":"後來車子停了，好像是下山的路被倒下的樹攔住了。"},"73":{"tag":"","content":"他去後備廂，拿了工具想去把樹弄開。"},"74":{"tag":"","content":"可能覺得太費勁，太花時間，他又走回來焦急地看着我，開始打電話，一邊打一邊罵人。"},"75":{"tag":"","content":"「再難辦，你就算把工程人員給我從床上撈起來，也要給我把路面清理了。」"},"76":{"tag":"","content":"他有些氣急敗壞。"},"77":{"tag":"","content":"「江肆月。」我喊着他。"},"78":{"tag":"","content":"「我在。」他看着我一臉擔憂。"},"79":{"tag":"","content":"「我是不是要死了，我好難受。」我一邊哭，一邊想要抓到什麼東西。"},"80":{"tag":"","content":"「說什麼傻話。」他伸手握住我的手。"},"81":{"tag":"","content":"我腦袋嗡嗡的，身子一邊扭動，手不安分地就去摸他，「我好難受，如果我要死了，能不能把我埋在我父母那」"},"82":{"tag":"","content":"「楠楠……别說傻話。」他聲音有些哽咽。"},"83":{"tag":"","content":"「不是……江肆月，我錯了，我真的錯了。」我哭得泣不成聲，「可是我真的好喜歡你。」"},"84":{"tag":"","content":"說完，我感覺要難受到昏死過去了。"},"85":{"tag":"","content":"突然我被人攬進懷裡，他的吻密密麻麻地落在我身上。"},"86":{"tag":"","content":"我像是抓住了救命稻草，開始肆無忌憚尋找他。"},"87":{"tag":"","content":"……"},"88":{"tag":"","content":"第二日，正午的烈日刺得我睜不開眼。"},"89":{"tag":"","content":"我輕輕皺了皺眉頭，結果一隻手便伸了過來，給我擋住陽光。"},"90":{"tag":"","content":"我這才勉強睜開眼，擡頭便對上江肆月柔情的目光，我驚了一瞬。"},"91":{"tag":"","content":"這一秒，昨晚的一幕幕猶如電影在我腦海閃過，回憶起某些場景，我羞紅了臉。"},"92":{"tag":"","content":"他卻很淡定地看着我，對視幾秒沒忍住，輕輕一笑，開口道，「現在知道累了？」"},"93":{"tag":"","content":"聽他這麼說，我臉更紅了。"},"94":{"tag":"","content":"他卻摸了摸我的頭，「睡吧，我守着你。」"},"95":{"tag":"","content":"我心裡泛起一陣甜蜜，「好。」"},"96":{"tag":"","content":"番外一"},"97":{"tag":"","content":"這是我第二次來到這個海鮮店。"},"98":{"tag":"","content":"隻是帶我來的人換成了江肆月。"},"99":{"tag":"","content":"劉叔還是那麼熱情，隻是看到江肆月身邊站的我，有幾秒詫異，繼而是沉默。"},"100":{"tag":"","content":"「要青蟹和蝦嗎？」劉叔随即換回正常的表情。"},"101":{"tag":"","content":"大概是上次我和陳烨來，我吃了特别多這兩樣，他便記住了。"},"102":{"tag":"","content":"「好。」我小聲地回答。"},"103":{"tag":"","content":"不知道江肆月會有什麼想法，那件事過後，我和他關系有些奇怪。"},"104":{"tag":"","content":"明明已經做了最親密的事，他卻也沒有特别跟我說他喜歡我，或者愛我之類。"},"105":{"tag":"","content":"他不說，我便也不問。"},"106":{"tag":"","content":"這半個月他對我很好，可以說是無微不至。"},"107":{"tag":"","content":"隻是關于我爸的事，我們誰都還沒有提起。"},"108":{"tag":"","content":"「多添一份碗筷。」江肆月對劉叔說。"},"109":{"tag":"","content":"「好。」劉叔說着就去準備了。"},"110":{"tag":"","content":"江肆月拉着我去了包廂。"},"111":{"tag":"","content":"他站在窗戶抽煙，菜上了才滅了煙坐過來。"},"112":{"tag":"","content":"「還有誰要來嗎？」我看着多出的碗筷問他。"},"113":{"tag":"","content":"「……」他愣了一會，「一個故人。」"},"114":{"tag":"","content":"「那我們等等他。」我不知道他指的誰，内心還有些忐忑。"},"115":{"tag":"","content":"「不用，先吃。」他說着，開始戴手套給我剝蝦。"},"116":{"tag":"","content":"到最後我的碗裡堆滿了剝好的蝦和蟹，他又開始往另一個碗裡剝……"},"117":{"tag":"","content":"我詫異地看着他，一言不發。"},"118":{"tag":"","content":"盯了幾秒，他看了我一眼，慢慢開口道：「以前有個女孩，跟你現在差不多大。」"},"119":{"tag":"","content":"我心裡咯噔一下，有一種預感，他說的是那個女孩。"},"120":{"tag":"","content":"「她叫劉冉，我和她還有陳烨，我們三個是一起長大的。」他頓了一下，像是歎了一口氣。"},"121":{"tag":"","content":"「後來我跟她在一起了，我們原本是無話不談的朋友，成為戀人之後卻因為異地經常吵架，我那個時候也挺混蛋的，覺得她戀愛就變了一副樣子，我甚至在她哭鬧的時候刻意不接她電話，和朋友出去玩，我那會兒覺得，反正之後冷靜下來她都會來求饒。」"},"122":{"tag":"","content":"我聽他這樣說，大概明白了他對那個女孩的感情，我心裡并沒有不好受，隻是可憐那個女孩子。"},"123":{"tag":"","content":"「後來呢？」我明知道後來的結局，卻也忍不住想問到底發生了什麼，他這樣一個人，竟然會去為了那個女孩子輕生。"},"124":{"tag":"","content":"他剝了蝦，又開始剝蟹。看得出來情緒很低落。"},"125":{"tag":"","content":"「後來有一次，我們吵架後她再也沒有來找我求饒。」"},"126":{"tag":"","content":"「怎麼了？」我的心揪了起來。"},"127":{"tag":"","content":"「然後陳烨告訴我，劉冉死了，從海邊一直走向了遠處。」他目光望向窗外。"},"128":{"tag":"","content":"「……」我順着目光看過去，震驚得說不出話來。"},"129":{"tag":"","content":"我開始明白江肆月為什麼會輕生，他那個時候肯定很自責，很想不通。"},"130":{"tag":"","content":"「為什麼會這樣？」我不了解，為什麼會因為吵架走上那樣的道路。"},"131":{"tag":"","content":"「後來陳烨把我揍了一頓，說那天她來找我了，大半夜的，她出去遇上了幾個混混……她沒有再來找我，而是又回了這裡，在屋子裡把自己關了幾天，最後做出了那個選擇。」"},"132":{"tag":"","content":"說到這，我看見他眼眶有些濕潤。"},"133":{"tag":"","content":"資訊量太大，我也整個人蒙了。"},"134":{"tag":"","content":"空氣突然變得安靜，我們誰也沒有再說話。"},"135":{"tag":"","content":"但他仍然固執地往那個碗裡剝蟹。"},"136":{"tag":"","content":"直到剝完所有的蟹，他才取了手套，歎了一口氣，又看向我。"},"137":{"tag":"","content":"「陳烨也喜歡那個女孩？」我突然意識到這一點。"},"138":{"tag":"","content":"「算是吧。是以我跟你說了，他接近你，不是抱着單純的目的，他恨我。從那個時候開始，他什麼都想跟我搶。」"},"139":{"tag":"","content":"我突然想起，陳烨第一次見我時表現得那麼熱情，後來又離奇地消失又出現，其實他根本沒有真的喜歡過我吧。"},"140":{"tag":"","content":"我覺得有些悲哀。"},"141":{"tag":"","content":"他接着說：「我回來的那天晚上，跟陳烨大吵了一架，他怪我，怨我，我表面不在意，其實心情很糟糕，我後來一個人回了學校，然後不知道喝了多少酒，一個人搖搖晃晃去了江邊。也許是出現了幻覺，我看到她在江裡向我求救，我想都沒想就跳了下去。」"},"142":{"tag":"","content":"「楠楠，你可以怪我，我就是那個時候遇到你父母，他們在岸上呼叫，你爸爸跳下來想把我拉回去，我卻不管不顧往中央的位置遊去，眼看拉不住，一同散步的師母也跳了下來……等我在江中央終于清醒，再回頭，你爸媽已經被江水沖走了。」"},"143":{"tag":"","content":"！！！"},"144":{"tag":"","content":"這一刻，我的呼吸停止了。"},"145":{"tag":"","content":"往事被提起，大家的痛苦都被這樣攤開來，我心痛到不能呼吸。"},"146":{"tag":"","content":"「是以，你養我，是因為對我父母的虧欠？」我說這話就像是耗費了巨大的力氣。"},"147":{"tag":"","content":"太多事向我壓來，他的痛苦，我的痛苦交織在一起，我有些難以承受。"},"148":{"tag":"","content":"「是。」江肆月坦誠地看着我。"},"149":{"tag":"","content":"「是以，你也不敢接受我，怕我有一天知道真相後會恨你？」"},"150":{"tag":"","content":"「……」他突然苦澀地笑了，「你遲早會知道真相，但我不是怕你恨我。」"},"151":{"tag":"","content":"他緩了一會，歎了一口氣，「我怕你難過。」"},"152":{"tag":"","content":"「我曾經辜負了一個女孩子。後來想想，其實我和劉冉一直做朋友就挺好的，把一段友情轉換成愛情的代價太大了，我甚至不确定自己到底是不是真的喜歡她，還是隻是因為青春的沖動才會跟她在一起。」"},"153":{"tag":"","content":"「江肆月，」我叫了他的名字，「那你喜歡我嗎？」"},"154":{"tag":"","content":"我怕他說出答案，怕他說不喜歡我，又怕他說喜歡我，我内心好慌，慌到我隻好端起茶杯，想要喝一口茶掩飾自己的慌張。"},"155":{"tag":"","content":"結果，剛端起來，手一抖，杯子掉在地上，碎了。"},"156":{"tag":"","content":"我急忙蹲下去撿杯子，卻被他摁住了。"},"157":{"tag":"","content":"「别動，我來。」他按了按我肩膀，然後自己彎腰撿起地上的碎片，放在一邊。"},"158":{"tag":"","content":"我和他近在咫尺，看到他眼裡複雜的悲傷情緒，我的心突然安靜下來。"},"159":{"tag":"","content":"「江肆月，8 年了，你放下了嗎？」我輕聲問。"},"160":{"tag":"","content":"他的動作頓了一下，遲疑了一會兒，然後伸手，把我的手拉到手心，也不說話，也不看我，隻是盯着那一碗剝好的蝦。"},"161":{"tag":"","content":"看了好久，他才開口道：「以前都是她主動給我剝蝦，今天是我第一次給她剝，也是最後一次。」"},"162":{"tag":"","content":"「楠楠。」他突然盯着我，「要是沒有放下，我今天也不會帶你來這，很早之前我就想帶你來這兒了，但因為一些事，直到今天才帶你過來。」"},"163":{"tag":"","content":"我愣了一瞬間，仔細回憶了他說的很早以前是什麼時候，這才想起，是那次，我父母的祭日，他說想帶我來這吃海鮮，但我當時去找了陳烨。"},"164":{"tag":"","content":"「為什麼要來這？」我又問。"},"165":{"tag":"","content":"他擡頭看了一眼在窗外偶然路過的劉叔，「劉冉是劉叔的女兒。」"},"166":{"tag":"","content":"我更震驚了！"},"167":{"tag":"","content":"「那他知道你和他女兒……」"},"168":{"tag":"","content":"「知道。」他低下了頭，「他以前是我家的園丁，出事之後他就一直守在這海邊，開了這家海鮮店。」"},"169":{"tag":"","content":"我呆呆地轉頭去看……"},"170":{"tag":"","content":"劉叔坐在窗外的椅子上，望着大海的方向。"},"171":{"tag":"","content":"「他是看着我和陳烨長大的，跟我的家人一樣。是以出了事，他不僅沒來找我，反而托人帶話給我，讓我好好活着。」"},"172":{"tag":"","content":"聽到這兒，我這頓飯算是徹底吃不下去了。"},"173":{"tag":"","content":"我不知道，這後面還有這麼多我不知道的事。"},"174":{"tag":"","content":"我也不知道，他面對的黑暗歲月不比我的少。"},"175":{"tag":"","content":"事到如今，我又該怪誰？又能怪誰？"},"176":{"tag":"","content":"我想，如果再給我父母一次選擇機會，他們還是會選擇救江肆月。"},"177":{"tag":"","content":"再給江肆月一次選擇機會，他還是會在江中看到那個女孩後，奮不顧身地跳下去。"},"178":{"tag":"","content":"他曾經犯過錯，也是以受到了懲罰，這 8 年來都活在了悔恨之中。"},"179":{"tag":"","content":"也許之後，回憶還會一次又一次折磨他，但生活卻不會是以停下。"},"180":{"tag":"","content":"因為死去的人再也回不來，而活着的人還是得好好活着。"},"181":{"tag":"","content":"「吃飽了嗎？」江肆月的話讓我收回了思緒。"},"182":{"tag":"","content":"「嗯。」我點了點頭。"},"183":{"tag":"","content":"他站起來，伸手将我拉起來。"},"184":{"tag":"","content":"我跟着他往外面走。"},"185":{"tag":"","content":"路過劉叔，他握了握我的手，然後牽着我走向劉叔。"},"186":{"tag":"","content":"「吃好了嗎？」劉叔本來在沉思中，看見我們換上笑臉。"},"187":{"tag":"","content":"「很好吃，謝謝劉叔。」我扯出一個笑容，回答。"},"188":{"tag":"","content":"劉叔的目光卻落在我和江肆月牽着的手上，表情裡閃過一絲不自然。"},"189":{"tag":"","content":"「劉叔，忘了給你介紹。」江肆月語氣已經變得很平淡，「這是我女朋友，楠楠。」"},"190":{"tag":"","content":"我有些驚訝，這還是他第一次承認我和他的關系，或者說是第一次明确我和他的關系。還是在劉叔面前，我有些替他擔心。"},"191":{"tag":"","content":"劉叔有些震驚，随即又像是有些釋然，動了動唇道：「小姑娘挺漂亮，以後常帶她過來，劉叔給你們做好吃的。」"},"192":{"tag":"","content":"「好。」江肆月說完，拉着我慢慢地走向海邊。"},"193":{"tag":"","content":"後來我問他，為什麼非要告訴劉叔，這樣劉叔會不會心裡不舒服。"},"194":{"tag":"","content":"他說：「8 年了，我們所有人都該放下了。」"},"195":{"tag":"","content":"「江肆月，你接受我，是因為放下了，還是因為虧欠？」我仍舊沒有安全感，覺得這一切都太過突然。"},"196":{"tag":"","content":"他突然就笑了，然後低聲在我耳邊道：「要說虧欠，也是你虧欠我。」"},"197":{"tag":"","content":"「誰允許你半途就睡着的？」他伸手捏了捏我的臉，又補充道，「那天在車裡，要我幫你回憶？」"},"198":{"tag":"","content":"資訊量太大了……"},"199":{"tag":"","content":"他笑着摸了摸我的頭，「以後乖一點，鍛煉下身體，你這體力，可不行。」"},"200":{"tag":"","content":"我：「……」"},"201":{"tag":"","content":"突然想起什麼，我憤憤不平道：「你體力好，還不是練出來的。」"},"202":{"tag":"","content":"一想到他那些多如過江之鲫的女人，我就覺得自己好虧。"},"203":{"tag":"","content":"他聽我這樣說，卻把方向盤一轉，直接把車停在了路邊。"},"204":{"tag":"","content":"然後身子靠過來，低頭看着我，「怎麼練？我也是第一次。」"},"205":{"tag":"","content":"「你撒謊。」還第一次，真離譜，他以為我什麼都不懂嗎？"},"206":{"tag":"","content":"「你以前帶回來的那些女人……」我被他盯到發毛，不想再說下去了。"},"207":{"tag":"","content":"他突然坐了回去，歎了一口氣，「假的。」"},"208":{"tag":"","content":"他重新發動車子。"},"209":{"tag":"","content":"假的？"},"210":{"tag":"","content":"我有些驚訝，又有些半信半疑。"},"211":{"tag":"","content":"他卻伸過手過來握住我，「不要胡思亂想，以前是為了推開你，現在……」"},"212":{"tag":"","content":"「現在呢？」我望着他。"},"213":{"tag":"","content":"「現在發現推開了你，你還是不快樂，還不如忠于自己的内心。」他握着我的手緊了緊。"},"214":{"tag":"","content":"「後面的事，你别怕，别人說什麼。你也不要在意，把一切都交給我，我會處理。」"},"215":{"tag":"","content":"不知道為什麼，聽他說這些話，我就好安心。"},"216":{"tag":"","content":"「好。」"},"217":{"tag":"","content":"某天夜裡，我依偎在他懷裡，他在工作，而我在看他，我突然問：「江肆月，你為什麼會喜歡我？你以後會不會因為我離不開你厭煩我？」"},"218":{"tag":"","content":"他愣了片刻，然後關上電腦，并沒有回答，而是去屋裡拿了一件披風給我搭上，然後摟着我，「你覺得是你離不開我？」"},"219":{"tag":"","content":"「嗯。」"},"220":{"tag":"","content":"他笑着揉了揉我的腦袋，「沒有你，我根本走不出那一段時光，是我離不開你，傻。」"},"221":{"tag":"","content":"這一刻月色四溢，我沉浸在他的柔情中，不可自拔。"},"222":{"tag":"","content":"最後他低頭，吻住了我，那一瞬間，我在他眼裡看到了一整個銀河的繁星。"},"223":{"tag":"","content":"番外二"},"224":{"tag":"","content":"後來我在學校申請了去國外留學。"},"225":{"tag":"","content":"我想好好奮鬥一下，找到自己的自我定位，找到自己的價值。我想要有一天和江肆月能真正并肩站到一起。"},"226":{"tag":"","content":"他也很支援我。"},"227":{"tag":"","content":"隻是，最近我回家準備各種各樣的出國資料，他就坐在旁邊，安靜地幫我整理，一臉沉默。"},"228":{"tag":"","content":"「怎麼了，你不想我去？」"},"229":{"tag":"","content":"「想。」他笑了笑，又遞給我整理好的資料，「也不太想。」"},"230":{"tag":"","content":"我問他，「為什麼？」"},"231":{"tag":"","content":"他幽怨地看了我一眼，然後伸手掐了一把我的脖子，最後又變成撫摸，啞着嗓子道：「還能為什麼，怕你去國外見到那些大男孩，就對我不感興趣了。」"},"232":{"tag":"","content":"嗤……"},"233":{"tag":"","content":"看他這副模樣，我忍不住笑了。"},"234":{"tag":"","content":"誰能想，平時冷漠寡言的江肆月，最近竟然有了中年危機。"},"235":{"tag":"","content":"我繼續整理資料，噘着嘴逗他，「你以前還天天推開我來着。」"},"236":{"tag":"","content":"他盯了我一眼，無奈笑笑，「那是年少太輕狂。」"},"237":{"tag":"","content":"「現在呢？」"},"238":{"tag":"","content":"「現在……現在就想把你護照燒了，讓你哪裡都去不成。」他拿下我手中的資料，放在桌上，摟着我。"},"239":{"tag":"","content":"「江肆月，你幼不幼稚。」我沒好氣地看他一眼。"},"240":{"tag":"","content":"仔細想想，他這兩天是真的挺黏我的。"},"241":{"tag":"","content":"我剛開始不知道怎麼回事，現在才知道他竟然是舍不得我走。"},"242":{"tag":"","content":"他伸手揉了揉太陽穴，苦笑，「要怪就怪，我家小姑娘太招人喜歡了。」"},"243":{"tag":"","content":"聽他這樣說，我心底升起一絲絲甜意。"},"244":{"tag":"","content":"我坐到他身上，摟着他的脖子，與他對視，「江肆月，那你每個月都出國看看我好不好。」"},"245":{"tag":"","content":"他盯着我的唇，吞了吞口水，「還是不去了。」"},"246":{"tag":"","content":"「為什麼？」我立馬不高興了。"},"247":{"tag":"","content":"他忽地伸手捂住我的眼，不讓我看他，最後歎了一口氣，「去了我還能回得來？」"},"248":{"tag":"","content":"下一秒，他的唇就覆了上來，一隻手托住我的頭，一隻手溫柔地插進我的發絲。"},"249":{"tag":"","content":"「楠楠。」"},"250":{"tag":"","content":"「嗯。」"},"251":{"tag":"","content":"「我等你。」"},"252":{"tag":"","content":"「好。」"},"253":{"tag":"","content":"番外三（叔叔視角）"},"254":{"tag":"","content":"2019 年 9 月"},"255":{"tag":"","content":"今天，小姑娘上大學了，她很開心。"},"256":{"tag":"","content":"楠楠是第一次住校，以前我擔心她會有心理問題，家裡請了做飯的阿姨，心理醫生，她每天都回家，密切關注她的動态。"},"257":{"tag":"","content":"送她到寝室，張姨去給她鋪被子，而我等在寝室樓下，并沒有上去。"},"258":{"tag":"","content":"後來張姨下來跟我說，她同學問她張姨是誰，怎麼不是父母來。我都能感受到她當時的窘迫。"},"259":{"tag":"","content":"那天晚上我一直在等她的微信，想知道她後來有沒有因為此事傷心，有沒有被同學嘲笑，會不會一個人躲起來哭鼻子。"},"260":{"tag":"","content":"等到晚上 11 點，她終于發來了資訊。"},"261":{"tag":"","content":"她跟我說了今天發生的新奇事，顯得有些興奮。"},"262":{"tag":"","content":"但我聽不進去，我的心一直被張姨今天的話吊着，忐忑不安。"},"263":{"tag":"","content":"我問她怎麼這麼晚才給我發資訊，她說太忙忘記了"},"264":{"tag":"","content":"我一下子就松了一口氣。"},"265":{"tag":"","content":"我後來躺在床上想，小姑娘終于長大了"},"266":{"tag":"","content":"她不再像以前，隻要别人提起父母兩個字，就哭得滿臉都是鼻涕。"},"267":{"tag":"","content":"我嘲笑自己一天的緊張，終于覺得自己該放手了"},"268":{"tag":"","content":"2020 年 9 月"},"269":{"tag":"","content":"今天，我又帶了女人回家"},"270":{"tag":"","content":"因為我跟楠楠已經冷戰了好久。"},"271":{"tag":"","content":"她開始明裡暗裡表達對我的喜歡。"},"272":{"tag":"","content":"以前我沒想過這事，一心一意隻想不負老師的囑托把她照顧好，再也無心顧及其他。"},"273":{"tag":"","content":"劉冉的死讓我對談戀愛這件事有陰影，我發現我再也喜歡不上别人，更沒有和誰談戀愛的心思。"},"274":{"tag":"","content":"是以楠楠大膽的表白讓我愣住了，我想了一晚，終于意識到，這将是一場錯誤的開始，而我必須将她的念頭扼殺在搖籃裡。"},"275":{"tag":"","content":"我選擇了最直接的拒絕方式，那就是帶女人回家，那些女人我都沒碰，所幸她們演技不錯，希望楠楠能認清現實，我不可能會喜歡上她。"},"276":{"tag":"","content":"也不能喜歡她。"},"277":{"tag":"","content":"她是我老師的女兒，是我害死了我老師，她知道真相後怎麼可能再喜歡我？　　"},"278":{"tag":"","content":"有時候被她逼急了，我就想要不然直接告訴她真相，結束這一切。"},"279":{"tag":"","content":"可是一想到她失去父母那段時間的灰暗與不安，我又不忍心再傷害她一次。"},"280":{"tag":"","content":"畢竟，她現在如此信任我，依賴我，把我當成最後的依靠"},"281":{"tag":"","content":"2020 年 10 月"},"282":{"tag":"","content":"今天，和秦總吃飯。"},"283":{"tag":"","content":"他的女兒秦雨也來了。"},"284":{"tag":"","content":"飯桌上她一直在看我，有意無意挑起一些話題，我隻是笑笑。"},"285":{"tag":"","content":"這樣的情況我碰到過很多，秦總有意撮合我和他的女兒，我當然知道。"},"286":{"tag":"","content":"隻是，我對她不感興趣，更确切地說，我對女人都不怎麼感興趣。"},"287":{"tag":"","content":"飯後她裝醉上了我的車，我做個順水人情送她回去，結果她第二天就加我微信，開始表達對我的意思。"},"288":{"tag":"","content":"我本想拒絕，我還沒淪落到婚姻大事需要通過商業聯姻解決的地步。"},"289":{"tag":"","content":"可是楠楠最近的瘋狂，讓我很為難。"},"290":{"tag":"","content":"我思考了一晚上，覺得秦雨也不錯。如果非得我結婚，楠楠才會清醒，才會醒悟，那秦雨是不錯的選擇。"},"291":{"tag":"","content":"因為她夠乖，夠聽話，懂分寸。"},"292":{"tag":"","content":"我帶秦雨回了父母家，商量訂婚。"},"293":{"tag":"","content":"楠楠也在，她今天失控了。"},"294":{"tag":"","content":"看到她莽撞地表達愛意，我沒有反感，隻有心疼。"},"295":{"tag":"","content":"2020 年 11 月"},"296":{"tag":"","content":"最近楠楠拉黑了我。"},"297":{"tag":"","content":"我有些無奈，還真是個孩子。"},"298":{"tag":"","content":"我隻好派人時常關注她的最新動态。"},"299":{"tag":"","content":"這才知道她竟然開始做兼職。"},"300":{"tag":"","content":"那天的頒獎典禮我本來不想去，派去的人告訴我楠楠在那做兼職。"},"301":{"tag":"","content":"我還是去了。站在台上，看着她踩着高跟鞋，穿着高開衩的旗袍，畫着淡妝，我突然眼前一亮。"},"302":{"tag":"","content":"我才終于發現，小姑娘已經長得亭亭玉立。"},"303":{"tag":"","content":"那天的酒會我有些心不在焉，目光不自覺地總落在她小小的身影上。"},"304":{"tag":"","content":"看見她扭腳，碰到别人，我竟然覺得她真可愛。"},"305":{"tag":"","content":"我自己都沒意識到，自己竟然看着她，就忍不住嘴角上揚。"},"306":{"tag":"","content":"那晚回去，我想了很多，拼命說服自己不要亂想，腦海裡揮之不去的卻依舊是她的影子。"},"307":{"tag":"","content":"我擔心她做兼職被欺負，擔心她為了跟我賭氣不花我的錢，而吃苦。"},"308":{"tag":"","content":"後來我笑我自己，她都 20 歲了，不是小孩子了，我還那麼擔心。"},"309":{"tag":"","content":"2020 年 11 月"},"310":{"tag":"","content":"這半個月以來，她都沒有再找過我。"},"311":{"tag":"","content":"在宴會上遇見她，我很意外。"},"312":{"tag":"","content":"可是發生了一些不愉快，最後陳烨竟然帶走了她。"},"313":{"tag":"","content":"陳烨喜歡劉冉，我是知道的。"},"314":{"tag":"","content":"劉冉死後，他哭着抓着我領口的衣服，一遍又一地遍質問我，為什麼選擇和劉冉在一起，卻不好好保護她？"},"315":{"tag":"","content":"我被問得啞口無言，我也覺得自己混蛋。"},"316":{"tag":"","content":"他說早知道拼死也要阻止劉冉，絕不讓劉冉跟我這樣的混蛋在一起。"},"317":{"tag":"","content":"我這才知道，他從一開始就喜歡劉冉了，隻是後來因為我們先在一起，他選擇了放棄。"},"318":{"tag":"","content":"他或許才是那個真正喜歡她的人，而我隻是暧昧上了頭，誤以為那就是愛情，最後造成這樣的悲劇。"},"319":{"tag":"","content":"陳烨走不出來，他知道楠楠是我侄女，也知道我對她不同，他表面上說着追求楠楠，但内心卻是想報複我的，我知道，楠楠不該成為他報複我的犧牲品。"},"320":{"tag":"","content":"我找他喝酒，希望将以前的恩怨一筆帶過，他也答應我不再故意接近楠楠。"},"321":{"tag":"","content":"楠楠才 20 歲，之前被我保護太好，她根本不懂男人的那些伎倆。"},"322":{"tag":"","content":"我很擔心她。"},"323":{"tag":"","content":"2020 年 12 月"},"324":{"tag":"","content":"這本個月來，我每晚都難以入睡。"},"325":{"tag":"","content":"我總是做夢，夢見楠楠和陳烨走到了一起，然後她蹲在街角哭得顫抖。"},"326":{"tag":"","content":"我開始去她學校找她，每次都坐在車裡，透過車窗，靜靜地看她一眼才覺得安心。"},"327":{"tag":"","content":"聖誕節這天，我又去了她學校。"},"328":{"tag":"","content":"看到陳烨出現的那一刻，我的心涼得徹底。"},"329":{"tag":"","content":"最擔心的事還是發生了。"},"330":{"tag":"","content":"她跟着陳烨出去了。"},"331":{"tag":"","content":"我在宿舍樓下等了她一夜，她都沒有回來。"},"332":{"tag":"","content":"我不知道那晚是怎麼度過的，痛苦、心慌、煩躁不安，好像對所有的事都提不起興趣。"},"333":{"tag":"","content":"我甚至給我的心理醫生打了電話，他冷靜地分析了我的情況，說我喜歡上了楠楠，這是吃醋的表現。"},"334":{"tag":"","content":"我當時都蒙了。"},"335":{"tag":"","content":"我又去了她樓下等她，思考着這一年發生的所有事，去找尋心理醫生說的，我喜歡她的蛛絲馬迹。"},"336":{"tag":"","content":"結果，往事曆曆在目，她的笑，她的胡鬧，是那樣的清晰。我才發現，隻要是關于她的事，我每一件都記得。"},"337":{"tag":"","content":"如果這還不是喜歡，是什麼？"},"338":{"tag":"","content":"我喝了很多酒，一直在她宿舍樓下等，我的腦子不清醒，心跳得很亂也很快，似乎又回到了少年時，。"},"339":{"tag":"","content":"結果，她第二天才回來，這等待的時間消耗了我所有的沖動。"},"340":{"tag":"","content":"我安靜地坐在那裡，看着她和陳烨拉着手依依不舍的樣子，心像被針紮一般疼。"},"341":{"tag":"","content":"她後來看到了我，笑着跟我說，她談戀愛了。"},"342":{"tag":"","content":"那一刻，我心如死灰。"},"343":{"tag":"","content":"我心裡閃過很多複雜的情緒，那些想說出口的表白，最終都化為了沉默。"},"344":{"tag":"","content":"我想如果陳烨這次是真的認真追求她，如果她也是以感到快樂，那我還有什麼阻攔的必要？"},"345":{"tag":"","content":"2021 年 1 月"},"346":{"tag":"","content":"我一個人過着比過往還要孤寂的日子，時間仿佛都停止了轉動。"},"347":{"tag":"","content":"我以為楠楠會幸福，卻沒想到陳烨突然要和秦雨訂婚。"},"348":{"tag":"","content":"陳烨家裡人一直在争取秦雨家族我知道。"},"349":{"tag":"","content":"秦雨也早就因為我的冷落而跟我翻臉。"},"350":{"tag":"","content":"我隻是沒想到，陳烨最後竟然遵從了家裡人的意思，選擇跟秦雨家聯姻。"},"351":{"tag":"","content":"我第一時間就想到了楠楠。"},"352":{"tag":"","content":"我的小姑娘該怎麼辦？"},"353":{"tag":"","content":"我把她從街角帶回家，多久以前的夢境變成現實。"},"354":{"tag":"","content":"我這段時間什麼都不想做，隻想陪着她，陪她陪她走過這段低谷時期。"},"355":{"tag":"","content":"我們的關系似乎又回到了最好的時期，看着她臉上逐漸多起來的笑容，我也松了一口氣。"},"356":{"tag":"","content":"今年初一和情人節是同一天，我想好了在那天跟她坦白一切，然後請求她的原諒，讓她給我一次重新來過得機會。"},"357":{"tag":"","content":"隻是結局有些難，她提前發現了那個真相，離家出走了。"},"358":{"tag":"","content":"命運總是捉弄人。"},"359":{"tag":"","content":"2021 年 3 月"},"360":{"tag":"","content":"楠楠變了。"},"361":{"tag":"","content":"她變成了渣女，肆意揮霍自己的青春，每天和不同的男孩子混在一起。"},"362":{"tag":"","content":"我知道，她是在用折磨自己的方式懲罰我。"},"363":{"tag":"","content":"她的目的達到了。"},"364":{"tag":"","content":"我開始整晚整晚睡不着，隻能守在她宿舍樓下，她卻不肯看我一眼。"},"365":{"tag":"","content":"我每天都活在自責中，擔心她，心痛她，又無能為力。"},"366":{"tag":"","content":"我不知道怎麼做，她才能消氣。"},"367":{"tag":"","content":"我想就算她不能原諒我，我也接受。"},"368":{"tag":"","content":"我隻希望，她能好好地。"},"369":{"tag":"","content":"2021 年 4 月"},"370":{"tag":"","content":"我接到了楠楠的電話。"},"371":{"tag":"","content":"那一瞬間我覺得這個世界仿佛又恢複了色彩。"},"372":{"tag":"","content":"可是等我聽清她的聲音，我突然意識到她的狀态非常奇怪，像是被人下了藥……"},"373":{"tag":"","content":"我不顧一切沖了出去。"},"374":{"tag":"","content":"找到楠楠的時候，她難受得隻知道哼哼唧唧，我的心疼得都快裂開了。"},"375":{"tag":"","content":"來不及思考，我必須要趕快送她去醫院。"},"376":{"tag":"","content":"可是老天偏要和我作對。"},"377":{"tag":"","content":"外面開始狂風暴雨，大量的樹被吹倒在路上，根本無法下山。"},"378":{"tag":"","content":"我想往回走，回去的路也被樹木堵塞。"},"379":{"tag":"","content":"在如此進退兩難的時候，後座的楠楠更讓我崩潰。"},"380":{"tag":"","content":"她難受得開始尋求我的安撫。"},"381":{"tag":"","content":"後來，我真的顧不上那麼多了，即使她清醒後恨我一輩子，我也要救她。"},"382":{"tag":"","content":"如果可以，我不想在這樣的情況下，在這個風雨交加的夜晚，在這車裡，要了她。"},"383":{"tag":"","content":"可是命運作弄人，我根本沒得選。"},"384":{"tag":"","content":"楠楠，我喜歡你。"},"385":{"tag":"","content":"說這句話的時候，她已經累得昏睡過去。"},"386":{"tag":"","content":"我伸手為她整理淩亂的發絲，就這樣将她擁在懷裡，心竟然會痛。"},"387":{"tag":"","content":"喜歡一個人，靠得太近，心真的會痛。"},"388":{"tag":"","content":"我記得她總說她對我太依賴，離不開我。"},"389":{"tag":"","content":"其實這些年來，若是沒有她，我恐怕也和陳烨一樣，永遠走不出那件事的陰影。"},"390":{"tag":"","content":"其實是我，離不開她多一些。"},"391":{"tag":"","content":"是以，從今以後，我想把這個世界所有的溫柔，都給懷裡的這個小姑娘。"},"392":{"tag":"","content":"番外四"},"393":{"tag":"","content":"出國前，我陪江肆月參加了陳烨的訂婚宴。"},"394":{"tag":"","content":"他讓我别去，我卻堅持要去。"},"395":{"tag":"","content":"我并不是對陳烨還有什麼想法。"},"396":{"tag":"","content":"我隻是覺得被人耍了一圈，我需要一個解釋，或者說我要去與那段錯誤的感情告别。"},"397":{"tag":"","content":"訂婚宴上很熱鬧，整個過程中，江肆月一直小心翼翼拉着我，生怕别人欺負了我。"},"398":{"tag":"","content":"我其實有些不自在，他反倒是坦坦蕩蕩，即使别人想說什麼，礙于他如今在商界的地位，别人也不敢說什麼。"},"399":{"tag":"","content":"陳烨過來敬酒，首先看到了我。"},"400":{"tag":"","content":"我盯着他，他倒是沒有躲避。"},"401":{"tag":"","content":"未等我開口恭喜他，他反而說了一聲，恭喜我，把我弄得有些蒙。"},"402":{"tag":"","content":"後來他發資訊，讓我去陽台，說有話跟我說。"},"403":{"tag":"","content":"我跟江肆月說了，他有些不放心，想跟着過去，我拒絕了。"},"404":{"tag":"","content":"我獨自走到陽台，陳烨在抽煙。"},"405":{"tag":"","content":"「你和江肆月在一起了？」他仰頭看了我一眼。"},"406":{"tag":"","content":"「嗯。」"},"407":{"tag":"","content":"兩人沉默了一會，我直接問他：「陳烨，耍我好玩嗎？」"},"408":{"tag":"","content":"他愣了片刻，突然就笑了。"},"409":{"tag":"","content":"他又吸了一口煙，笑着問我：「哥哥什麼時候耍過你？」"},"410":{"tag":"","content":"這個時候他說哥哥兩個字，隻讓我覺得惡心。"},"411":{"tag":"","content":"「陳烨，你……」我覺得我不擅長吵架，特别是和陳烨。他伶牙俐齒，不會像江肆月那樣慣着我。"},"412":{"tag":"","content":"「既然和他在一起了，你就好好的吧。」他突然就沒了嚣張氣焰，緩了會兒又說，「他對劉冉都沒這麼上心過，這一次，我還是輸給了他。」"},"413":{"tag":"","content":"他說這話的時候有些感傷，我卻聽得雲裡霧裡。"},"414":{"tag":"","content":"「你什麼意思？」我問他。"},"415":{"tag":"","content":"「楠楠，」他忽然轉過頭來叫我的名字，「你就該活在陽光裡，我這樣的人永遠活在陰暗裡，你選擇他是對的，我沒有耍你，我隻是，配不上你。」"},"416":{"tag":"","content":"「我總算明白，當初我哪裡輸給了江肆月，這麼多年，我一直都想不通劉冉為什麼會選擇他。"},"417":{"tag":"","content":"「遇到你，我才明白，他哪裡需要費力氣和我争個輸赢，因為你喜歡的是他，我就輸得一敗塗地。劉冉是，你也是。是以，我退出。」"},"418":{"tag":"","content":"「那個畜生如果欺負你，你告訴哥哥，哥哥幫你出氣。」陳烨抽完一支煙，伸手摸了摸我的頭，然後轉身回了宴會廳。"},"419":{"tag":"","content":"回去的路上，我一直在回憶陳烨的話。"},"420":{"tag":"","content":"他說的那句，我一直喜歡的隻有江肆月。"},"421":{"tag":"","content":"是這樣嗎？"},"422":{"tag":"","content":"我望了望身邊的江肆月，陷入沉思，回想我這一年的幼稚、胡鬧，哪一項不是為了引起他的注意。"},"423":{"tag":"","content":"原來旁人都明白的事，我卻一直糊塗得徹底。"},"424":{"tag":"","content":"像是終于打開了心結，晚上回去我心裡舒了一口氣，忍不住拉緊了他的手。"},"425":{"tag":"","content":"「怎麼了？」他低下頭來輕聲詢問，「哪裡不舒服？」"},"426":{"tag":"","content":"「沒有。」我笑着踮起腳親吻了他的側臉。。"},"427":{"tag":"","content":"他愣了幾秒，幽幽地盯了我一眼，低聲道：「怕痛，還敢胡鬧？」"},"428":{"tag":"","content":"這下換我愣住了。"},"429":{"tag":"","content":"「楠楠過來」他朝我招招手。"},"430":{"tag":"","content":"「不。」我逃到一邊。"},"431":{"tag":"","content":"結果他沒了耐心，一把拎起我回了房間。"},"432":{"tag":"","content":"我欲哭無淚，他最近好像有些，貪得無厭。"},"items":[]}