接上期侯蕾著《前世今生》轉載（34）
他的節目開場時都會有幾分鐘的即興獨白(好像中國的單口相聲),獨白的内容通常是調侃時下剛剛發生的新聞和事件,以批評政府罵總統為主，非常有特點。
雖然我發現國内已經有兩檔節目在照搬他的節目形式，但效果差得遠了。以下是一些他最近的即興獨白:
According to Woodward’s new book,Colin Powell warned President Bush that if he went to war he would 'own Iraq's twenty- five million people and all their hopes and problems.’He said,'You
will own it all.’And then Cheney said,Does that include the oil wells?’(根據伍德沃德的新書,鮑威爾警告布什如果他開戰的話，他将‘擁有伊拉克兩千五百萬國民和國民所有的希望和問題。’他說:“你将擁有全部。”然後切尼說:“那包括油井嗎?")
Tomorrow President Bush and Vice President Dick Cheney are scheduled to testify before the 9/11 Commission.I guess right now they’re finalizing the seating arrangements...Should Bush sit on Cheney's right knee or his left knee?
(明天總統布什和副總統切尼将接受911調查委員會的聽證。我猜現在他們正在研究座位問題…布什是坐在切尼的左膝還是右膝上?)
John Kerry’s wife, Teresa Heinz,is on the cover of Newsweek magazine this week. They said if John Kerry is elected, she would be the oldest First Lady in American history--66 years old.But that doesn’t bother Kerry.To him, she looks like a million bucks-- rather, $500 million.
(約翰·凱利的太太,特麗莎,這禮拜出現在新聞周刊雜志的封面上。人們說如果凱利當選，特麗莎将是美國有史以來年齡最大的第一夫人——66歲。但是凱利不在乎這些。對他來說,特麗莎看起來就像百萬美元——準确地說是50億美元。)
The National Enquirer reports Monica Lewinsky wants to get 5 to10 million dollars for the movie rights to her relationshipwith Bill Clinton. Monica Lewinsky says she wants Mandy Moore to play her in the movie about her life. Mandy Moore? Michael Moore would be more like it!
(國家資訊報道說莫尼卡·露溫斯基想要五百萬到一千萬美元的關于他和克林頓關系的電影版權。莫尼卡·露溫斯基說她想要曼蒂·莫爾在影片中飾演她。曼蒂·莫爾?我看邁克爾·莫爾更像她。)
Iraq has a new flag. Yeah, like that was their biggest problem. No flag. That’s like the Titanic, after hitting the ice burg,an- nouncing they have a new chef.(伊拉克有新國旗了。Yeah,好象這是他們的大問題似的。沒有國旗。就好像泰坦尼克撞上冰山之後，宣布他們有了新船長。)
從他的調侃中不難看出一些美國大衆的心理和最關心的問題是什麼。比如戰争,比如肥胖都是他最經常提到的話題。其實美國對伊拉克開戰最初是民心所向的。雖然有些人認為是9·11之後的反恐熱潮使得政府有機會誘導群眾支援對伊開戰，但我認為大多數美國群眾支援戰争的潛意識原因還是石油。
待續……
