After being wrongfully stolen, the two children's very different behaviors exposed the difference in education 

Text | Rice grain mother

Recently, I read the news, and Migrain's mother was angry and weak.

The exposed surveillance video showed that in a convenience store in Longyan, Fujian, a little boy who had no way to fight back was pushed to the ground by the owner by the neck.

The reason for being so ruthless to the child turned out to be a "misunderstanding".

At about two o'clock in the afternoon that day, 8-year-old Xiaozhi took 5 yuan from home to buy a card.

After picking up five packs of cards at the convenience store, he put them in his pocket because he couldn't hold them, and then walked to the front desk to check out.

As a result, before he reached the checkout office, he was pressed down by the shopkeeper's lock throat that suddenly rushed out.

The owner said that he saw Xiao Zhi putting the card in his pocket at the monitoring office, and thought he was stealing something, so he came to "catch him".

But from the monitoring, you can see that Xiaozhi, who fell to the ground, clearly grabbed cash in his hand.

But the emotional shopkeeper did not give the child time to react, so he condemned him according to his own ideas.

Xiao Zhi, who was wronged, got up aggrieved and scared, faced the shopkeeper's fierce questioning, stunned and handed the money in his hand to the boss, and took out the card from his pocket to show the shopkeeper.

But the owner just grabbed the money with a brutal attitude and went back to the store.

After returning home, Xiaozhi seemed to be still immersed in the fear of being beaten, trembling and emotionally unstable.

After the parents asked the reason, they took him back to the store to seek justice and called the police on the spot.

But the owner always thought he was right and refused to apologize.

It was not until the surveillance video was exposed and public opinion fermented that they were forced to take the initiative to negotiate reconciliation.

Xiaozhi's parents thought that the other party's attitude was very insincere, and they were finally ready to go through legal procedures.

The news that the child was wrongfully stolen is not the first time that the rice grain mother has seen it.

Some end up happy, while others are irreparable.

The biggest variable is precisely the attitude of parents.

"I'm not a thief!"

In the simple world of children, being slandered as a "thief" is a very serious accusation.

Remember the "Salsa Stationery Store" incident a few months ago?

A 10-year-old girl goes to a stationery store with her classmates to buy stationery.

Unfortunately, that day, the shopkeeper found that he had lost 3.6 yuan of stationery, and he suspected that it had reached the girl's head.

The girl explained to the owner at the front desk for a while, because she was in a hurry to start class, and left without breaking the result.

However, the shopkeeper forcibly withheld the girl's stationery bag and workbook, and wrote the words "Heavy Reward, Urgent Search" on the cover of the book, and posted it at the door of the store.

The stationery store was crowded with students, and it didn't take long for word to spread at the girls' school.

Rumors of the girl stealing also followed.

The matter reached the ears of the class teacher, and the teacher quickly found the girl to talk to her, and called the parents to tell them to communicate with the girl in time.

But the girl's father left work very late, and did not pay much attention to this matter, and when he came home, he saw that the lights were turned off in his daughter's house, and he took it for granted that the matter had passed.

But he didn't know that in the bedroom next to the wall, his daughter's heart was turning upside down, and after a night of psychological struggle, the girl was completely desperate at dawn.

Early the next morning, the parents thought that the child was going out to school normally, but they did not want the girl to take the elevator straight to the top floor, and jumped down without hesitation.

A 10-year-old's life came to an abrupt end.

But the daughter's act of using her life to prove her innocence fell in the eyes of her parents, but it was a small matter that could be gently put down.

Soon after the incident, the parents chose to settle with the owner and not pursue responsibility.

In fact, the matter of being wronged is consistent with the hurtful logic of rumors.

As educator Nelson puts it, "For a teenager, the most desperate thing is not the frustration itself, but the shame caused by the words of those around him." ”

Slander without evidence, unwarranted malice, and the strange look that comes with it will make the child remember the pain of being smeared forever.

And what makes them most desperate is that after the water falls, no one cares about the truth.

A similar thing happened in Guiyang.

A third-grade homeroom teacher identified the boy in front of the class for stealing a pen, asked him to record a "confession" video, and sent it to the child's father on the spot.

Fortunately, the father did not listen to the teacher's words, but chose to talk to his son first.

The child explained that he did not steal the pen, but was curious to pick it up and take a look, and a classmate suddenly made a small report, saying that he was a thief.

After the teacher came, he indiscriminately convicted him and forced him to confess his mistake.

After understanding the situation, the father decided to seek justice for his child and petitioned the local education bureau.

Unexpectedly, the staff of the Education Bureau did not bother to accept it, but replied nonchalantly:

"Even if you wronged him, how big is it?"

The school's attitude towards this matter was even more ambiguous, not only disturbing the child, but also asking rhetorically:

"Does this matter hurt the child a lot?"

All the while, except for the father who trusts the child and shows strong concern, everyone else thinks it is just a small thing.

But for the wronged child, the sky is falling.

Trust is a powerful medicine

When a child is wronged, not all parents can give their children unreservedly like that Guiyang father.

One respondent shared his experience.

One day during the summer vacation, the respondent went out to play without a key, and waited downstairs for his mother to come home.

At this time, the neighbor's family was playing nearby, and the son kept holding the 25 yuan to buy vegetables.

Answer: The Lord waited downstairs for a long time before her mother came back, so he went to the place where she frequented to find her.

But she couldn't find it, so she had to come back alone.

At this time, the neighbor's aunt suddenly rushed to her, pointed at her nose and said fiercely:

"Did you take my 25 yuan!"

The respondent had just returned from outside, and she didn't know what was happening, but the aunt decided that she had taken the money and shouted:

"You still pretend! You must have taken my money! Where else did you just go? Be a thief with a weak heart! ”

Her voice was too loud, and soon attracted a group of people to watch, and the scene fell into chaos for a while-

Pointing around, the aunt was furious, her husband was silent next to her, and her son was crying all the time.

The respondent can also calmly state the facts at first:

"You don't want to spew blood, say I'll show evidence if I take it."

The aunt gradually became hideous:

"You must have taken it! Have the ability to let me search my body! ”

Seeing that the onlookers were getting bigger and bigger, the respondent couldn't argue, and he turned out his pocket for her to see with humiliation.

The aunt didn't see her money, so she changed her words and said that the respondent had just spent it, and she cursed a series of ugly words.

Not long after, the answerer's mother came back, and after hearing what happened, she supported the respondent downstairs and said, "You really haven't been afraid of anything, let's make it clear to her." ”

At this point, the respondent was just angry because his dignity was insulted, and he did not feel sad.

But the father who just came home listened to the rumors downstairs, and the first thing he said when he entered the door was:

"I don't know anything when I come back, you don't need to say anything, I helped you give the 25!"

As soon as the words fell, the answerer's tears could not be contained, and he cried and yelled at his father on the spot:

"I went to ask for it back, I didn't take it, why give it to them!"

Dad grabbed the respondent without saying a word, slapped it over, and said, "You still haven't lost enough people for me!" ”

The respondent felt aggrieved and angry, she ran and jumped to the neighbor's house to shoot the door, took the money back, tore it in front of everyone, and then cried and snatched the door.

She never mentioned it again, but the details were always vivid.

The feeling of being distrusted by her biological father made her instantly feel powerless to "jump into the Yellow River and not wash it".

She finally said desperately:

"It's actually nothing to be wronged by someone who doesn't matter, because no one can please everyone, but this kind of wronged person who knows you best by relatives is in ashes, really."

When a child is caught in a helpless situation that has been framed, the parents' thoughts determine the extent of their injuries.

Mother Migrain once wrote about this case: two little girls in a stationery store pierced the disguise masks of many children

A little girl was wrongfully stolen in a stationery store, and her grandfather always protected her granddaughter, using legal weapons to argue and help her get justice.

For children, the unreserved trust and support of their loved ones is their all-powerful armor against attacks from the outside world.

But just trusting the child is not enough.

Stay away from self-certification pitfalls

When faced with a false accusation, how the child himself copes is more critical than the attitude of the parent.

I saw a news some time ago, a nine-year-old girl used two routines to reverse and staged a "Jedi counterattack" after being wrongly accused of being a thief.

Routine 1: Never fall into the trap of self-certification.

When the shopkeeper insisted that the little girl had stolen something, he had a very tough attitude.

But the girl was not intimidated by the other party's bravado, but asked back louder than him:

"You said something was lost, what about the evidence?

And how to prove that I took it? Who saw it? ”

The so-called "who claims, who gives evidence", the cleverness of this trick lies in the fact that it can instantly turn passive into active and throw problems to the other party.

But in most cases, the child's first reaction is often to prove his innocence, like the little boy who bought the card at the beginning, he wanted the shopkeeper to believe that he did not make a mistake, but forgot that everything was the other party's fault.

There is a famous scene in the movie "Let the Bullets Fly", Liuzi eats flour at a noodle restaurant, and after paying, the store suddenly attacks:

"You ate two bowls, why did you only give money for one bowl?"

If you want to add sin, why is there no excuse?

In order to prove that he only ate a bowl, Rokuko opened his stomach on the spot for the store to see, but he also died because of it.

This is the "self-proof trap" - self-proof of innocence when wronged, which is no different from self-harm.

Routine two, self-protection with the help of external forces.

After all, the child is weak, and blindly choking is likely to make the other party angry, and then cause more serious consequences.

Therefore, it is especially important to use external forces to reduce damage.

This little girl is very smart, she knows that she is not weak-hearted, so she preemptively strikes by loud accusations to attract the attention of the surroundings.

"With so many people in the store, can you slander all the children when they come to buy things in the future?"

At that time, many parents in the store heard it and gathered around to speak for the little girl.

With support, the little girl has more confidence, which makes her firmly refuse and decide to call the police when faced with the unreasonable demands of the shopkeeper to search her body and rummage through her school bag.

She said to the shopkeeper righteously:

"You don't have the right to be searched! If you suspect that I can call the police, I will cooperate with the police uncle's investigation, but you can't touch me! ”

Then the girl borrowed a mobile phone from an uncle next to her and threatened the shopkeeper:

"If you don't let me go again, it's illegal, I want to call the police!"

Seeing that the girl's attitude was so tough, the shopkeeper also gave in and let the girl leave.

In fact, every time this kind of wronged thing happens, the comment area will see many netizens sharing what happened to them.

When we were young, it was easy to get confused by a hat that someone else had buttoned, and we still lingered years later.

If you have had such pain, you should not let the child repeat the same mistakes.

As parents, on the basis of love and trust, we must pay more attention to the emotional fluctuations of their children after being framed, intervene in time, guide them to express their unhappiness, and return their children's innocence in a reasonable and legal way.

Of course, prevention is just as important. After all, parents can't follow in real time, and it is always the child himself who faces the "first scene".

In life, we must teach children how to cope, so that they are not in danger, and while not following the logic of the other party, they also know how to use legal weapons to protect themselves.

Personal profile: @米粒妈爱分享 rice grain mother, American returnee, Haidian parent. Focus on learning dry goods, educational experience and further education.