After spending millions for my child's interests, I began to sit down and "settle accounts" with him...
Sophia, a mother who lives overseas with her three children, has been training her son to golf for seven years, but recently she has encountered some changes: her son's physique and skills have improved, and the expenses have also skyrocketed. Under the alarm of household expenses, her family held a family finance meeting to see how education can be "sustainable" and how to achieve maximum results, and the ideas are worth referring to most families.
This article is reprinted from the public number: Jingkids Beijing (ID: Jing-kids)
Wen 丨 Sophia Editor丨Leon
*The currency unit in this text is RMB; The article and pictures are reproduced with permission from Jingkids Beijing
After burning money to upgrade
Recently, my son Zach Sr. just returned from two golf tournaments in the United States, the results were not satisfactory, but the cost was unexpected, the two-week trip to the United States, with my father as a driver caddy, or from Mexico to and fro, actually broke 6 figures, my two sisters and I can no longer accompany as before, the reason is simple: the cost is too high.
Old Zach on his way to the United States
When the game came back to resume, he suspected that his clubs no longer matched his height - the old Zach had just entered puberty, and his height and limbs were developing unreasonably, so he immediately asked a professional to give him a comprehensive analysis of his limbs and strength.
The result: the child's strength is close to adult, no longer suitable for using youth clubs, should use adult ones, he has not been doing well recently, in part because the clubs are too soft, he "has the strength to make it".
Looking at his son's eyes shining with enthusiasm when trying out a new club, which parent can say NO ruthlessly? If you want to say it, it should have been said a few years ago, and it has avoided the cost of many years, and now it is a little "difficult to ride a tiger", and there is no choice.
The test teacher's sentence "This kid has the potential to become a first-class golfer" made Dad immediately obediently swipe the card.
When I was young, someone said that I had the potential to become a queen of England! Originally, it was enough to listen to this kind of words, but if it was about his own child, even a reasonable husband believed it.
The club, which just spent more than 10,000 changes last year, instantly became a scrap.
Even my father, who has always been extravagant, began to feel distressed, reminding me: "In the past, it was all petty trouble, and the era of real spending money has only begun." ”
The elder Zach began to contact golf at the age of 5 and a half, and now it has been almost 7 years, spending almost millions, and from now until he is 18 years old, with the rapid development of his body, he may have to change a set of clubs every year, and millions are unstoppable.
"If you want to do things well, you must first sharpen your tools", relatively good adult clubs from 30,000 up to the ceiling, plus now his results seem to have reached a bottleneck, no matter how hard you try, it is imperative to find a more suitable coach, and it may take several coaches who are good at different specialties...
The elder Zach is best at digging balls in bunkers, and he learned from special coaches
After discussing with him, we felt the need to talk to the elder Zach about his expenses and future plans.
Talk to your son about money face-to-face
Family economics has never been a taboo topic in our family, my husband and I will not deliberately avoid the children when we talk, nor will we exaggerate to create unnecessary panic, and the three children always appear as "observers".
In this way, they have a concept of the general economic situation of our family, know that the family's money is limited, can meet the necessary expenses, and have the ability to buy things they really like, but they cannot spend it indiscriminately.
The first time I talked about money face-to-face with my son, my husband and I were very cautious, trying to use a relaxed and normal tone, just like we usually talk about his homework and grades.
Golf equipment from 30,000 + membership fee 50,000 + coach fee from 50,000 + international competitions from 30,000 or 50,000 each time without capping, not counting professional clothing, shoes and hats and nutritious meals, it is already 200,000 per year, plus his school tuition, the annual basic cost is 300,000.
"If you still have the dream of becoming a professional golfer, we will always do our best to support it, but if it is purely an amateur interest, we don't have to travel around the world and we don't need top-notch equipment, so you will have less pressure to participate and the savings can lay the foundation for university tuition."
"Mom and Dad, I still want to see how far I can go in golf, so I want you to spend the education budget I gave me on golf." My son wasn't surprised that we mentioned money, but it surprised me.
"This time I visited Princeton with my father, Anya said that she dreamed of going to the United States to study in high school, but at that time she didn't know that the United States had to pay tuition fees for college, did not apply for scholarships in advance, and was admitted only to find that she could not pay tuition at all, so she had to study at the University of Copenhagen, until she became a famous astrologist, and came to the United States as a visiting scholar to realize her American college dream, so I knew that going to college in the United States was very expensive."
Anya is a famous Danish astrophysicist, and the elder Zack happened to be a visiting scholar in Princeton during the American competition, so the old Zack and his father were able to visit her by the way and get a close understanding of the famous American school.
In Denmark, children go to high school and university with government subsidies, that is, they go to school with a salary, so many children living in ivory towers do not know that they need to pay for university in other countries, and it is a lot of money, just like Anya.
That's one of the reasons why we decided to talk openly and honestly with our son about the cost now, so that he can be mentally prepared early on, rather than being caught off guard by life at a critical moment and losing an opportunity.
I try to be objective without any rhetoric or emotion, so as not to bring unnecessary pressure to him: "Now your basic golf fee is more than 200,000 yuan a year, and it will be about 1.5 million yuan in the next 6 years, and we may not be able to provide your college tuition by then." ”
I believe my son already knows that there is an opportunity cost to spending money, and that the money spent on this item will not be used to buy other items, and that spending money on golf now will greatly reduce the tuition he can pay for college.
"Mom, I understand. I have already thought about it: in the 6th year of junior high school I will do my best to train golf, and at the same time strive for full grades in academics, both pronged, should get a certain scholarship, if I can't get it, I will choose a student loan, or go to Denmark to study at university, and then find the opportunity to go to the United States as an exchange student, so that there is no need to spend tuition. ”
Looking at my son, who is calm and confident and methodical, I feel that the money spent is worth it: on the way to chase his dream, golf led him to see many scenery, absorb a lot of nutrients, and lead him on the road of "growing into the best version of himself".
If we must think of the money spent on our children as an investment, then the biggest return we expect is that he grows into a healthy, moral person, that is, the best version of himself, in the process of doing his best for what he is really interested in.
From crying and throwing clubs in tantrums at the beginning, to now if you win, you will thank the other party for giving you the opportunity to play together, and if you lose, you will sincerely send a "Congratulations, you played very well." This kind of indifference of "spoiling and not shocking" is also one of the "return on investment" that we value.
The elder Zach had some discretion over his education funding
Do what you can, start with the end
So, is it for our children to grow up to be the best version of ourselves, and we as parents can do whatever it takes?
After all, in addition to our son's golf, we still need to live, and our two daughters need the same support, so from the day my son decided to learn golf, we made a rough budget and made sure that the number was sustainable, and even made contingency plans if something unexpected happened.
Our family's economic situation is actually not very good, saying that I am the middle class I feel that I have insufficient confidence, the reason why I invest more generously in the education of my children is based on two points:
We concentrated our child-rearing budget until they went to college at the age of 18, and did not plan to provide financial help for their children to get married and start a family in the future, and the children naturally never had the idea of relying on their parents in the future.
This probably has something to do with my husband and me's experience, I haven't spent a penny from my family since the first day of graduating from college, but I send money to my family every month, and my husband has been working in his spare time to earn pocket money since he was 13 years old. It can be said that my husband and I have not spent a penny on both parents until now, including marriage and childbearing education, so we are both loyal supporters of "it is better to teach fish than to teach them to fish".
In addition to a reasonable budget, it is also important to invest in education wisely.
When the children were young, I also signed them up for a lot of extracurricular classes in culture and sports, such as martial arts, chess, Go, roller skating, broadcast hosting, dance, painting, etc. when they were more than 5 years old, but because of limited time and energy, after a year, according to their own preferences, they only kept one or two.
In the end, the son chose golf and piano, while the daughters kept dancing and piano as their specialties, and have continued to enjoy it until now.
Therefore, I suggest that parents who see Li Haotong win and learn golf, and go skiing when they see Gu Ailing win the crown, it is better to turn off social media, spend more time with their children, help them discover where their true interests are, spend money on the blade, and ensure that they can deepen their cultivation in their favorite fields in the future, which can not only avoid being "cut leeks" following the trend, but also increase the probability of "education investment" return.
Playing all kinds of chess has always been the hobby of the elder Zach
Whenever I have the opportunity, I will "take a plate" wherever I have the opportunity
When talking to children about money, I think mastering the "degree" is the key, generally children under the age of 10 have no concept of the amount of money, they mainly want to get a sense of security, there is no need to tell them the specific number, I will generally use the "comparison" method, such as an ordinary Apple mobile phone, almost equivalent to her monthly tuition, a night of five-star hotel fees, almost equivalent to our half a month's rent, etc.
Regardless of the family's economic situation, Mr. and I have never used the phrase "can't afford it", although the result we want to achieve is "don't buy", but "how to say" will bring completely different cognition and feelings to the child, refuse the child's cost requirements, we basically use the following three reasons:
"This is not in our plans and budgets": let children understand that spending money should be planned, not blindly impulsive to see what to buy;
"If you buy this, you won't be able to go to the playground next week": spending money has an opportunity cost, spending on this cannot be spent on other things;
"It's not wise to spend money on this thing, it's a bit wasteful" : There is already something similar at home, and saving money can buy other more interesting things, back to the previous point.
These can achieve the purpose of "not buying", but will not make children inferior because of "poverty", but can consume rationally from primary school, and also lay the foundation for talking to them about money in the future.
Even older children, such as the elder Zach, do not disclose a lot of information to him, such as our salary, savings, fixed assets or other people's income, wealth, etc.
When talking about fees, pay special attention to the tone without any exaggeration, the elder Zako now spends millions on golf, but does not finish in the top three in international competitions, we never use things like "spend so much money you don't win .." Put pressure on him, but carefully review with him every time, where to do well, where to improve, why others will win, and then discuss together whether it is necessary to participate in the next competition of the same level (naturally mainly due to cost and time factors).
This is probably the main reason why he has never lost interest in golf and is not afraid of failure, because he knows that "failure today does not mean tomorrow, and moving forward and constantly improving" is what we expect from him.
As Canadian psychologist Jordn Peterson puts it, "Winner is someone who never lets lose to stop them." "
I think that if you are financially difficult, simply do not "invest", if you must smash pots and sell iron and bite your teeth to pay, then swallow your crushed teeth alone, because all investment in education is basically decided by parents, and children do not force us to put knives on our necks.
Therefore, from time to time remind the child how much he "burns money" and how shameful it is to "learn nothing", transfer pressure or anxiety to the child, let him move forward in guilt, either let him completely collapse when he cannot meet the expectations of his parents, or cut off his parents' affection under certain circumstances, hide far away and become the so-called "white-eyed wolf", such things are not uncommon in recent years.
So in the final analysis, should the account of children's education be calculated? How to calculate?
I think that if parents regard spending a lot of money on their children as "a kind of fulfilling their obligations, but seeking peace of mind" to masturbate and alleviate the guilt of missing children's growth and impose on them, so as to expect to gain control of their children's lives, then it is good to settle accounts with themselves, there is no need for children to become backers, and children will not recognize your efforts;
If it is to follow the trend and is afraid that "the child loses at the starting line", then we should probably take our eyes off the child, spend money on improving ourselves first, don't even figure out where the starting line is, just pull the child to run blindly, and show how hard it is to run, forcing the child to be grateful for his ineffective efforts;
But if we understand the general environment we are in, know our real economic situation and the upper limit of our children's education expenses, set reasonable expectations of "return on investment" in advance, and the maximum risk of "investment failure" that we can bear, the answer is self-evident.
Write on the back
In the first two weeks of the new semester after the conversation, the elder Zach did three things:
1, carefully understand the assessment method of each subject, the international school assessment does not rely on the final exam results, but the synthesis of the entire semester, such as biology assessment is like this: usually the small test score accounts for 20%, the homework timely and accurate accounts for 20%, the experiment 20%, the team project 20%, environmental education 10%, the final final exam score only accounts for 10%.
This leaves room for occasional "unsatisfactory" student grades, that is, several times with bad grades, it cannot determine the final credits of the semester, so the elder Zack set a goal: full marks in all subjects in three years of junior high school, so that high school can reduce tuition, and this goal is not far away.
2. The junior high school curriculum is much more intense than the elementary school, the class time has changed from 8:00-13:00 in the primary school to 7:30-15:00, there are elective courses after school, the amount of homework is also increased, and the spare time available for disposal is very limited, so after thinking about it again, he decided to quit the school football team to ensure golf training time.
The elder Zach withdrew from the school football team in pain
3, he consulted with the golf club management whether he could help take care of the lawn of the course to earn pocket money when he turned 13 at the end of the year, and got a positive answer. He has been thinking about how not to waste time and earn pocket money, just remembered that one of his golfers in Denmark helped the course take care of the lawn, because the golf grass has a wide variety, different forms and personalities, and the maintenance requirements are very high, and the different characteristics of different grasses in different climates will determine the direction of the ball, so understanding grass is very important for golfers, if you can learn to manage the lawn with professionals and earn pocket money, for old Zach, it is definitely a two-kill beauty.
So I think talking directly to my son about the cost of his education is the right decision.
*Author: Sophia. The mother of the child is always on the road and likes to share what she sees and feels on the way.