Writer Ma Yuan was scolded for killing his 13-year-old son: the false patriarchy should have been broken a long time ago

Text | Rice grain mother

In the past few days, the friends of the rice grain mother are discussing one thing, I guess you have heard more or less, that is, an interview with a character called "Mahara in the Castle".

Let's just say that all female friends, especially mothers with children, are gritted and hate the things described in the article.

Because we see a hypocritical husband and father living in self-delusion, mentally imprisoning his wife, resulting in the early death of his son who suffers from heart disease.

People who live their own lies

Let's first briefly talk about who Xiamahara is.

A few decades ago, Ma Yuan was a popular figure in the literary world, on a par with Yu Hua, Mo Yan, and Liu Zhenyun, and the wind of that year once overshadowed the other three.

The most distinctive label on him is the pioneer of "avant-garde" novels, and his masterpieces "The Temptation of Gandis" and "The Goddess of the Lhasa River" are deeply loved by the literary youth of that era.

Later, I don't know what the reason was, I abandoned the text to engage in film and television dramas and real estate business, in short, disappeared in the literary circle.

Later, Ma Yuan was widely known because of the mysterious thing that "he suffered from cancer at the age of 55 and gave up treatment and lived in seclusion in the mountains for more than ten years of miraculous healing".

It was this incident that laid the groundwork for the early death of his son Mag.

▲ Mahara and his son Mag

In fact, Ma Yuan did not have cancer at all, and he had a tumor the size of 6 centimeters in his lungs.

But he was afraid that he would be diagnosed with cancer, and even if the result of the first puncture was that no cancer cells were seen, he insisted on no longer treatment, but chose to go to Hainan to "change water".

What is "changing water"?

According to his own words: water is the foundation of life, and the "bad things" that grow on his lungs are also brought by water. He left Shanghai, where he works, went to Hainan to "change water", and change it to good water, maybe he can take the "bad things" away.

The so-called "keep this unsolved case, at best, I am a suspected lung cancer patient", remove the poetic filter of the literati, lift the maverick veil, and the rice mother will translate it for everyone:

"If I were diagnosed with cancer, wouldn't I have to count the days and die?" It's better not to treat and give yourself some hope. Even if it's cancer, at least I suffer less from mental torture, right? ”

Is this a death out of degree? Isn't this the modern version of the taboo medicine?

As for what kind of "water change" therapy, to put it bluntly, it is just to find a place with beautiful mountains and waters, a mild climate, and away from the hustle and bustle of the city.

All his words, in the eyes of Mi Li's mother, are not like the words spoken by a mentally strong person, but more like a paranoid living in his own imaginary world.

Of course, others have no right to interfere with what kind of life an adult chooses, he himself feels happy, feels cured, feels that there are no regrets in this life, as long as it does not harm others, this is his freedom.

But on the other hand...

A woman who has dedicated half her life

Li Xiaohua is Ma Yuan's second wife, 29 years younger, who used to work as a real estate salesman in Hainan, worked as an athlete, and did not study much.

According to Ma Yuan's own account, he liked Xiaohua for the first time, felt that this girl was "comfortable and pleasant to look at", and then asked a female friend to find Xiaohua to agree.

But who can not see that middle-aged and elderly men find young and simple girls with low education to marry, isn't it to be worshiped and taken care of, and still have absolute right to speak?

Xiaohua has been with Ma Yuan for more than ten years, and almost nothing is done according to her own ideas, what Ma Yuan said, how she did.

For example, Xiaohua didn't want to leave Hainan at all, but in the end, she went with Ma Yuan to Nannuo Mountain, where she was not familiar with her life, and lived in seclusion in a self-built castle to serve Ma Yuan;

For example, she doesn't like life in the castle at all, tedious, repetitive, and tiring, Ma Yuan's quiet and leisurely life is all housework that presses on her one by one, but Ma Yuan likes it, so she can't leave;

For example, Xiaohua did not have a job, and saw Ma Yuan's friend Hong Feng's wife opening an online store on Taobao, and also wanted to try it, but Ma Yuan strongly objected, giving the reason that "once the business is done, Sister Hua has a career, but the family tranquility will also be broken", so Xiaohua returned to household chores.

▲ Li Xiaohua

Do you think Mahara will appreciate his wife's compromise?

It won't!

He will only show more hegemony, disrespecting his wife's ideas, ignoring his wife's efforts is the basis of the exercise, and from time to time, he has to suppress and reprimand Xiaohua, which is called "Ninth Uncle Training Wife".

What is "Ninth Uncle Training Wife"?

It was a column opened by Ma Yuan, dedicated to recording the daily life of himself and Xiaohua's trivial mouthful. To put it bluntly, it is the daily life of Mahara PUA flowers.

Xiaohua bought a lot of daily necessities online, and Ma Yuan accused her of "increasing the economic burden on the family, and the packaging garbage generated harms nature." But the fact is that if Xiaohua does not buy online, the daily needs of the family cannot be guaranteed;

There are a lot of chickens in the family, and sometimes the chickens will fly to the garden to find food, and Ma Yuan pointed fingers at Xiaohua, saying that the chickens she raised made a mess in the garden and ruined his good mood. But the fact is that on the one hand, the chicken is raised because Ma Yuan likes to watch the scene of chickens flying for food, and on the other hand, it can ensure that everyone can eat eggs every day.

Xiaohua didn't argue with Ma Yuan, but Ma Yuan didn't want an explanation, he wanted absolute respect and obedience. He didn't care how much Xiaohua suffered or suffered.

"Grievances? Bear with it back! ”

In short, Ma Yuan himself cannot be questioned and wronged.

Xiaohua couldn't say anything about Ma Yuan, and she was afraid that Ma Yuan would become more ill if she was angry, so every time she "trained his wife" ended with Xiaohua apologizing.

Years of hard work, mental suppression, no economic resources, far from other people to live ...

Li Xiaohua, nourishing Ma Yuan with her youth, she is Ma Yuan's driver, cook, cleaner, maintenance worker, tea farmer, but not a wife who should be treated equally.

She is 29 years younger than Mahara, but when we look at her now, sitting with Mahara, she looks like her peers.

To be honest, this is not an isolated case.

Think about Aunt Su Min who drove away, wasn't it the same before she left?

More than 30 years of marriage, hard work in exchange for the husband's natural enjoyment, financial calculations, personality degradation, and domestic violence.

Later, in order to escape all this, Aunt Su Min drove for two years, broadened her horizons, made friends, and had rich experiences and experiences, and was no longer the gray-faced, hopeless and depressed woman.

But in the eyes of her husband, Su Min is still useless, she has not seen her for two years, and the first words of her husband when he sees her are still viciously disparaging:

"You still know that you can't fool around outside."

In the eyes of this man, it doesn't matter if Su Min is doing well or not, the important thing is that this woman dares to run away from herself;

In the eyes of this man, how much Su Min earned had nothing to do with him, and he was furious that this woman had lived so moisturized;

In the eyes of this man, it is insignificant that Su Min's depression has not been cured, and it is important that he has one less "slave" who can make and breathe.

Aunt Yuki Sumin eventually decided to divorce and live the life she wanted, but not all women can be so lucky.

Many women, like little flowers, still live under the "rule" of their husbands.

Children who die prematurely due to illness

On June 1, 2022, Children's Day, 13-year-old Mag got up and went to the bathroom to wash up and fell to the ground.

Xiaohua immediately called 120 to call an ambulance after finding out, because she lived on Nannuo Mountain, and the ambulance "arrived after more than an hour."

Mag, who missed the best rescue time, never got up again.

A few days later, Ma Yuan posted a Weibo message to mourn his son, who died early.

At that time, few people knew the truth, only thinking that the child suddenly fell ill and unfortunately died.

But that "Mahara in the Castle" lets us know that this is not the case.

Mag has congenital heart disease, which can be treated and can be alleviated by a minimally invasive surgery.

But Ma Yuan was unwilling, and at first said "if you can't cure it, if you can't cure it, why bother with those gods", and continued to brainwash Xiaohua, saying "I think we can still face the disease with my 'covering our ears', 'turning a blind eye' and 'self-deception'.

Why can't it be cured?

We know that heart patients should not live at high altitudes as much as possible, because the higher the altitude, the more serious the lack of oxygen, and also try to live in a place with good medical conditions, so that it is convenient to seek medical treatment at any time.

But meeting these two points means that Mahara must give up his "romantic pastoral life" and leave the castle he built with his own hands.

He didn't want to give up, but he had to "cover his ears", "turn a blind eye", and "deceive himself".

What is even more hateful is that he does not treat his son, but actively treats his own illness, the insulin for the treatment of diabetes does not fall for a day, he has heart failure, and immediately contacts an old friend to arrange the best hospital treatment for himself.

Maybe he felt embarrassed, so he let go and let Mag go to treat the disease.

After the results, several hospitals had different recommendations for treatment, and the operation was put on hold.

Why was it shelved?

Mother Migrain guessed that this is because it takes a lot of time and effort to diagnose Mag with treatment options, surgery, and postoperative recovery.

After building such a big castle, and his wife is gone, who will serve him? Who cleans? Who raises chickens and ducks? Who grows tea for him?

Of course, you can't entrust the child to an old friend to treat the disease, which mother doesn't care about the child, maybe one day Xiaohua is too worried, and went directly to take care of her son, what will he do then?

It is better to detain your wife and son around the safest.

How selfish this is! What a domineering and cold-blooded one!

But, do you think this is the ultimate he can do?

Hehe, people have more absolute.

Ma Yuan did not feel that his son had his own independent personality, and his only mission may be to accompany him.

Instead of letting his son go to school, he "told him what I knew about the world," which is called nurturing children's knowledge.

What does he know about the world?

It is "the stars we see are illusions, the sun is not a house, Mars does not exist".

He strictly controlled the books his son read, and his son could only read the books he specified, most of which were fairy tales.

He felt that being a lawyer, doctor, and journalist was not good, so he planned to let his son become a writer or tea farmer in the future.

He enjoyed his son's worship and companionship, and did not care whether his son was lonely or had his own ideas.

If it weren't for the school at the foot of Mount Nannuo when Mag was in the fourth grade, Xiaohua insisted that her son go to school, and the child might not even have a friend of the same age.

Mother Mi was particularly disgusted with Ma Ge's attitude towards this after his death.

It is clear that he delayed the child's treatment, but he said that the child is "when the number of life is up, he should leave and leave";

Obviously the child is curious about the outside world, wants to make new friends, and wants to take the final exam, but he can smile and say that the child's life is no better: "His life is his parents, heaven and earth, the world, these beautiful places, which make people happy memories." Without experiencing being cheated on by a girl, cheated on by a friend, bullied by others, he does not have the slightest of these things in his life. ”

And what made me most disgusting was that Ma Yuan actually said: "I'm not sad that he is gone, what makes me sad is that he can no longer accompany me." ”

It was as if the child was just a container for his loneliness and hope, and almost all the rights he had to be born as a human being were deprived by him.

From this point of view, Mag did not die of a heart attack, but died of his father's arrogance, arbitrariness, control, and fantasy.

Hypocritical patriarchy

It is long overdue to be broken

Fathers like Ma Yuan are not uncommon in China.

Do you remember Zhang Yide, who committed suicide by studying in the United States two years ago?

Many people wonder, Zhang Yide's father is full of love and freedom for his son's education, why did the child commit suicide?

Yes, he gave great experience, time, money, and love for his children, but he gave his son a life that he thought was best for his son, not what he thought was good.

He quit his high-paying job and took his son into seclusion deep in the mountains, which is not so good for children:

"I hated this lifestyle as a little boy.

Once, I stepped on a bed bug barefoot in my bedroom and had to scrape it off the concrete floor while changing clothes. Those bugs often lay eggs in clothes hanging under lychee trees.

Because our roofs are metal, thunderstorms also make me feel terrible, and those moments are especially scary..."

Zhang Yide's father worked hard to cultivate Yide's hands-on ability, self-care ability, and resistance to frustration. Yes, the child does become more sensible, attentive and thoughtful as he wishes.

But the child actually rejects this deliberately hard life, but the father, who is immersed in the joy of educational success, ignores it.

With what he thinks is good love for his children, he weaves a cage, locks himself and his children inside, and is responsible for "selfless dedication" and children are responsible for "excellent to the end".

It is undeniable that whether it is Ma Yuan or Zhang Yide's father, they undoubtedly love their children, but their own will, ideas, and ideals always come first.

They are self-touched by "selfless giving"; self-absorption: "raising an ideal child"; Self-deception in "a child's life is brilliant and not in vain."

In fact, this is patriarchy, and everything revolves around the two identities of husband and father.

The property is his, the social status is his, and the wife and children are his.

Once the wishes of his wife and children conflict with his wishes, he will always find many reasons to justify himself and force himself to do what he wants.

A wife and a child are never people with independent personalities who need to be treated equally, but a stepping stone for him to prove to the world how right and perfect he is.

However, who would want to spend their entire lives as a puppet in someone else's castle, a template in a paradise? Who wouldn't want to be themselves?

Perhaps the only consolation in this tragedy is that Xiaohua no longer echoes Mahara and strongly wants to leave the castle where she lost her child and go down the mountain to live in the city.

Obsessed with Ma Yuan, who died on the mountain, he compromised.

You see, once a person strengthens his convictions, he can break the delusion of patriarchy.

Finally, Rice Mother wants to say:

Everyone is born independent, whether we are the wife who was hypnotized from childhood to give everything to the family, or the child who is spiritually castrated, remember that no one can break the wings of our freedom.

As long as we want to fly, we can enjoy flying, and so do our children.

Personal profile: @米粒妈频道 (welcome to follow), rice grain mother, American returnee, Haidian parent, when the first place in the new book list "Parent-child English Book that Affects Children's Life" author. Focus on learning dry goods, education experience sharing, education and further education of children aged 5-12, English, mathematics, science enlightenment, and the world's novelty and good things recommended, welcome to follow! (0~5 years old mother, please pay attention: @米粒妈爱分享)