Wen | Northern Su Figure | network
In "Perfect Relationship", the famous public relations figure Wei Zhe, played by Huang Xuan, said to Shu Qing, who was spread by Darlene in the TV series, that the workplace is a besieged city, some people want to go in from the outside, and some people want to come out from the inside.
The prototype of this sentence comes from Qian Zhongshu's book "Siege of the City": "Marriage is a besieged city, people outside the city want to go in, people in the city want to come out." ”
It is indeed a very difficult thing to run a marriage, from the beginning of marriage, to know and cherish the lover, and not to abandon it, it is not easy to do it, and many people may have the intention of jumping out of the siege in this process.
But people who enter marriage cannot want to give up because the marriage is not easy to manage, and they should not say that they have changed because the marriage has been long, and there is a reason to betray.
01
In the first episode of "Perfect Relationship", the character that Wei Zhe helped solve the public relations crisis was the derailment of the host Geng Yue, played by Cao Yunjin.
Geng Yue took Tian Lu on a date and was photographed by others and posted on the Internet, and after the more troublesome things were encountered, he knew that for a man, the beauty is short-lived, the price is immeasurable, and regret is actually more useless.
After learning that Geng Yue had cheated on him, his wife insisted on a divorce, and even a lawyer was hired.
For many women, bread I can earn with you, the family can run with you, and the only thing they want for a man is a sincerity, this sincerity is gone, marriage has no meaning for her.
After investigation, Wei Zhe found that Geng Yue's date with Tian Lu was photographed, tian lu was planned by Tian Lu, and Tian Lu just wanted to take the opportunity to hype herself.
When Wei Zhe told Geng Yue's wife the facts of his investigation, Geng Yue's wife said something like this, "Even if Geng Yue is calculated, the flies don't sting seamless eggs, he deserves it." ”
In marriage, in fact, active betrayal, passive infidelity, and finally the nature is the same.
02
In the TV series, because of too many interests involved, Geng Yue's wife did not divorce Geng Yue, but Geng Yue knelt down for his wife and smoked his own mouth.
After the incident, Geng Yue has been apologizing to his wife, and also said that this is the last time, he will certainly not make mistakes again, but his appearance is not worthy of sympathy at all, let alone forgiveness.
Marriages that have been hurt because of betrayal may be difficult to build trust from now on, and it may be difficult to have happiness, such pain, not a sentence that he is wrong, he is also calculated by others, can be changed.
The matter of betraying marriage, once a person has done it, there is no such reason as passive betrayal, because the person who goes to that article is himself, no one forces him, to put it bluntly, or he has thoughts and thoughts in his heart, otherwise otherwise other people's calculations are deep, he will not be deceived.
Betrayal is betrayal, the betrayal that brings harm to the marriage has occurred, and to emphasize that he is also a passive person who betrays, in fact, he is evading responsibility, that is, he is in a hurry to avoid the important and light, who is deeply aware of his mistake?
Marriage is a system in which two people voluntarily give up excessive emotional interaction with other members of the opposite sex, and it is also a commitment.
Keep this promise, the return of the emotional account of the two people in the marriage is stable, the emotional assets are also guaranteed, can not keep this promise, all the emotional assets in the marriage will be depreciated in an instant.
03
Passive betrayal does not mean that there is no betrayal, nor does it mean that there is no mistake, nor does it mean that others can be asked for forgiveness.
I had previously approached a male reader, 45 years old, married for almost 20 years, and he did not want to divorce, but his wife had always expressed indifference to his repentance.
He said that he knew that he was wrong, and said that he did not take the initiative to betray, why could his wife not forgive him.
The implication is that betraying the marriage is not his intention, and he is passive, because then the wife should forgive him.
He runs a clothing store with his wife, and every day he is very busy, and his wife often runs around, just to get better quality goods and improve the business status of their store.
As for him, during his wife's business trip, he had other thoughts to talk about love.
He confessed his mistake to his wife, but emphasized that he was also innocent and was momentarily deceived, as if the person who betrayed the marriage was not him.
What does betrayal do to a woman? It is not only the helplessness of the marriage being betrayed, but also the emotional loss, the doubt of emotion, the confusion about the future, and the hidden pain in the heart.
Don't think that women who are stretched and unwilling to forgive look arrogant and indifferent, but in fact, their hearts are very painful, and they just cover up their fragile selves with anger.
Staying by a person's side and building a family with him is because they can rely on each other, that is, they think that they have expectations for the lives of two people, and the harm caused by active betrayal and passive betrayal is the same, which will make women lose their sense of security in marriage and lose the confidence that men can still be relied on by her.
Active betrayal or passive betrayal is betrayal, and the harm to the family and the woman is the same, there is no distinction between light and heavy.
Wrong is wrong, not whether men feel that the mistake is big or small, but to see how much harm this mistake brings to others.
04
A man who betrays a marriage, whether active or passive, as long as it is a man who betrays the marriage, does not deserve sympathy.
When the marriage is good, you don't have to cherish it, don't find out that you can't do without marriage, don't understand your wife's feelings with your heart, make mistakes, and then think of cherishing, it may be really a little late.
Marriage is a very wide river, and you row together in a boat, and you want to work together to get to the island opposite that can give you stability and comfort.
But there are ripples on the surface of the river, and there will be many fish swimming around in the water, you will go to see the ripples, and you will be attracted to the fish, and when your mind is drifting, the woman has never put down the oar in her hand.
In the end you still want to set foot on that island with her, but the initiative is no longer in your hands, because the boat has always been rowed by women, and your oars have been lost by you.
If a woman wants you to get off the boat, you want to sell miserable, you want to pretend to be pitiful, you say you can't swim, do you think women will sympathize with you?
But have you ever really thought about how much harm you have brought to her, not to see that you are miserable, she can let you not care.
Adults must be responsible for their own actions, but also know how to bear the consequences of their own choices. You have a clear distinction between right and wrong in your heart, and if you are doing wrong, then you don't need to emphasize whether you are active or passive, because you are wrong, you do not deserve to be sympathized.
Passive mistakes, and active mistakes, are wrong, passive mistakes are not innocent, the same will face the judgment of marriage, passive betrayal is also betrayal, the more people emphasize that he is passive, the less worthy of forgiveness.