Letter
Hello, I am a sophomore and I am very afraid to express my ideas and present myself. I never dared to speak during class, even though I would not speak because I did not dare. In the group assignment with my classmates, once I find that the other person's ideas are different from mine, I will immediately give up my own ideas and go along with his ideas, I am very afraid that others will not agree with my views and argue with me, so I give up any opportunity to express my views. I almost never confide my emotions to others, and I have never expressed my true thoughts to him, even if I am a close friend. Not only that, I didn't dare to show my talents, I liked to sing, but I never dared to sing in front of others, not even in front of my own parents.
I am very distressed and miserable about this, and hope to get help from here, thank you.
10%
Stills from Winner Is Justice (2012).
reply
10%，
Hello! First of all, thank you very much for your trust! Because you "never want to confide in others about your emotions," you chose to pour out to the wheat field mailbox. From your letterS, I see two things that bother you, one about emotions and one about opinions.
Let's talk backwards. Personally, I really like the idea written by the sociologists Berg and Lukman in The Social Construction of Reality that everyday dialogue is actually helping us find an order of reality. In fact, talking is reflective, we talk, we take the life and emotions we have experienced as objects to taste and examine, from which we will feel a sense of control and security of life. So for talking, it's important to "say it", and to whom you say it depends entirely on your habits and preferences. If you feel that the people around you are difficult to trust absolutely, then you can also choose to talk to yourself more, write a diary, and send private and visible social media, which is a good way.
Another thing you mentioned is about "arguing." I was involved in debates in college, so I was very familiar with topics related to "arguing". I've seen a lot of "fear of arguing" people have similar concerns to you, and I've seen a lot of "argumentative" people have more serious concerns — the fear of being called too aggressive. In fact, most of the time, these concerns do not point to the content of the argument, but to the form. The arguments that arouse the disgust of both sides may not in themselves involve any acute issues, but they are fiercely worded and unrestrained. We can participate gently and politely in the debate while retaining the firmness of our position and the critical nature of our views. In terms of attitude towards argument, I actually encourage you to try to show more of your "dissent". Learning to argue effectively with others, or at a lesser level, the scene that everyone often encounters on the way to school and work, we always have to learn how to grasp the scale. To put it more broadly, it may also be the qualities we should have on our way to becoming a qualified citizen.
Of course, encouragement is encouragement, but don't force yourself — that's what I want to talk about after reading this letter. Perhaps because we are still on the highway of "modernity", from school to society, there is a somewhat preference for "expansive personality"—extroverted, critical, daring and willing to compete. Gentle and introverted, often not seen as just a personality trait, but as a "problem" that needs to be improved, is not normal. For example, in today's public discussion, it is often anxious to express opinions without thinking, and everyone is only willing to stay in their own information cocoon, lacking a little prudence and tolerance. At this time, the character of not like to argue and cautiously expresses its value is highlighted. Therefore, I think the most important thing is not to add excessive shame and anxiety to yourself because of these personality traits, and try to slowly accept yourself and achieve "self-consistency". After all, while the issues you mentioned are all about how to get along with others, as long as we know how to accept ourselves, we will naturally know how to deal with others in our own way.
Of course, how to reasonably self-consistent may be something that people have to learn in this lifetime, and we work together!
The duty replied to | Liu Yaguang
This article is proofread | Wu Xingfa
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