First of all, a question for everyone, have you ever seen a small parent?
For parents, the most terrible thing is to raise a child who cannot be independent and is obsessed with the old age. Parents not only have to work hard to pay for their children, but also have to worry about their children's future lives, afraid that they will not be able to live if they can't raise their children one day.
As psychologist Sylvia Claire put it:
"All the love in the world is for the ultimate purpose of convergence, and there is only one kind of love whose purpose is separation, and that is the love of parents for their children. The true successful love of parents is to separate children from your life as an independent individual as soon as possible, and the sooner this separation, the more successful you will be. ”
Allowing children to be independent not only requires parents not to respond to their children's needs, so that they develop the habit of relying on their parents, but also requires parents to plan their old age and not to interfere too much with their children's marriage and life because of loneliness.
There are many children who make it impossible for parents to live in their old age, as well as parents who are small and constantly causing trouble for their children.
When it comes to his parents, Lin Chun feels very helpless: "It's not that I'm not filial, but my parents never think about me, only for themselves." They only want to be happy for themselves, and they don't care about my situation. ”
Recently, Lin Chun just quarreled with his parents, his anger has not subsided, the parents regenerated the incident, actually called some relatives and friends who do not know right and wrong, took turns to call their sons, accused their sons of filial piety, tried to force their sons to obey, making Lin Chun feel very painful.
What kind of demands did Lin Chun's parents put forward that Lin Chun could not accept?
"My mom was sick and hospitalized, and she asked my wife to quit her job to take care of her. Knowing this news, I took a special leave of absence to visit her and learn about her condition, although my mother was sick, but it was not a big problem, although my father did not take care of people, but he only needed to take a handle, I paid money and hired a nurse for my mother. ”
The medical expenses came out, the nurse invited, and also left a sum of money as the mother's nutrition fee, according to the theory, Lin Chun has fulfilled his obligations as a son, but the mother does not rely on it, and must have the daughter-in-law to serve her personally, the reason is that "the mother-in-law is sick, the daughter-in-law does not personally serve, others see it, will think that this mother-in-law is very bad."
Hearing his mother's reason, Lin Chun felt very speechless, it seemed that his mother was not self-aware. As a mother-in-law, she is not willing to wait for her daughter-in-law to confinement, nor is she willing to take her grandchildren, live in her son's house for a few days, and then use her daughter-in-law as a free nanny for a few days, and also add trouble to her son and daughter-in-law for the sake of relatives.
"And I am not a mother, and I treat her badly, how can my wife agree to resign and serve her?" Besides, you can't quit your job! ”
Lin Chun lives in the provincial city, has a son and a daughter, in fact, their family is an ordinary working family.
"I earn more than 8,000 a month, i have a mortgage of 6,000, and my parents have 2,000 alimony every month, so they spend my salary." If my wife resigns, what will our family eat and drink? Don't we need living expenses? Does my 6-year-old son not need money to go to school? Does my 1 year old daughter not need money? Although we have a little savings, we don't have much, and we can't support it for long. My wife is 32 years old, and after giving birth to a second child, she returned to the workplace, do you know how much effort she put into it? In order to gain a foothold in the company, the boss's overtime request was never rejected. Fortunately, my father-in-law and mother-in-law were local and helped us take care of the children, otherwise, I wouldn't have known what to do. ”
At the beginning, Lin Chun was still able to reason with his parents patiently, saying that the pressure was huge and his wife could not resign, but when he met his parents who only considered himself, it was Xiu who met Bing you who was reasonable.
After the good words were exhausted, the parents still refused to give up, constantly calling the daughter-in-law, the words were getting more and more ugly, angry that Lin Chun's wife and Lin Chun were angry, Lin Chun couldn't bear it, and roared at his parents: "I have a mortgage of 6,000, I want to raise 2 children, but you force my daughter-in-law to resign and serve you, what do you think?" ”
As there were more and more voices standing in the family group talking without waist pain, and the harassing phone calls came endlessly, Lin Chun couldn't bear it, took leave, returned to his hometown alone, rushed to the hospital, and began to accuse his parents of his unkind behavior in front of his relatives.
"Dad is 57 years old this year, mom is 55 years old, he no longer works, at home in addition to playing cards is to drink, visit the door." If you have savings and a rich pension, I won't say anything, but Dad has no pension, and Mom only has 2,000, which is only enough to survive. So, from 3 years ago, I had to give you a sum of money every month, from 1000 to 2000, you are not enough, you have lost on the mahjong table! ”
"When your son was born, you came to my house, nominally with your grandchildren, but in fact you came to wait for my daughter-in-law to serve you. Children, you do not coax, you do housework, and the angels of heaven call my daughter-in-law. If my daughter-in-law hadn't asked for a divorce and taken your grandson, you wouldn't have left. ”
"I don't want you to bring a baby, I don't want you not to post money, just ask you to live your own, don't pull our hind legs, okay?" Dad, Mom, do you have to ask me to divorce, become a person, and keep your life before you can give up? And those of you who teach me the truth, let me listen to you, you give me money, give me a support for my family, otherwise shut me up. ”
Accused by his son, Lin Chun's parents could not receive a word for half a day, and the relatives who helped the cavity were speechless. Lin Chun said, "If you pull my hind legs again, I will not come back, nor will I let you come to the door, only give you a alimony, it is really not okay, just sue me to go", and then returned to the city. Fortunately, Lin Chun's parents became much quieter.
When people reach middle age, the pressure is really great, there are parents who need to be supported, there are children who need to be raised, whether it is a man or a woman, they need to pay all their energy for this. If at this time, parents are no longer considerate of their children, constantly add trouble to their children, and cannot get along with their spouses, resulting in the red light of their children's marriages, and the children will really collapse.
As Zhang Ailing once said: "Middle-aged men often feel lonely, because as soon as he opens his eyes, he is surrounded by people who want to rely on him, but there are no people he can rely on." ”
It is really not easy for a son to take on the responsibility of a man, support his family, be worthy of his wife and children, and honor you. As a parent, you have limited ability, can not help, understandable, then do not pull the back of the children, do not add trouble to them.
The Japanese writer Osamu Dazai has a classic saying in his novel "Human Disqualification": "My misfortune lies precisely in my lack of ability to refuse, and I am afraid that once I reject others, I will leave a rift in each other's hearts that can never be healed." ”
When you meet unreasonable parents, you either say no decisively or you are cold. Parents need to rely on you for the elderly, will not fall out with you completely, but the wife is different, if you do not protect her, do not give her a sense of security, how can she have the confidence to spend her life with you?
As a man, you must be worthy of your wife and children, as long as you are old, you can really rely on it.
end.
Today's topic: What do you think of nibbling parents? Feel free to share your views in the comments section.