The visitor asked: Teacher Xu Chuan, I don't think my boyfriend has loved me before during this time. He didn't reply to me in seconds after I sent a message, and he wouldn't come to coax me at the first time after the fight, and he wouldn't be overwhelmed because one of my unhappy ones. But every time I asked him, did you not love me anymore, otherwise why didn't you seem to care about me?
But he said that it was not that he did not love, and that it was like this for a long time. We were college classmates, and he chased me for a long time and did a lot of things that touched me before he agreed to be with him. I thought he would always be good to me, always tolerant of me, spoil me, obedient to me, only to be together for less than 1 year he changed, what should I do?
Expert Q&A: This sister I want to tell you, even if the boyfriend is particularly good to you, don't use this love as a sword. Think that he loved you very much, will always tolerate you, always spoil you. Know that love will disappear in the process of getting along, because of wear and tear.
Many girls in love, like you, have a belief that if he really loves me, it will not be how, if he really loves me, how it should be.
For example, if he really loved me, he wouldn't be cold and violent to me; if he really loved me, he wouldn't argue with me; if he really loved me, he wouldn't want to leave. If he really loves me, he should tolerate my little temper and so on...
They put all the problems in their relationships down to whether the other party doesn't love themselves anymore. So did the other half change because they didn't love enough?
You must know that when you always quarrel and have a cold war in your relationship, always do not listen to each other, and always compromise with the other party, the relationship between two people who love each other will become increasingly distant.
That is to say, he is no longer enthusiastic about you, more and more indifferent, not because he does not want to love you, but because you do not know how to manage feelings, each has a problem but does not know how to change themselves, resulting in feelings are always consumed, and slowly the relationship is not as intimate as before.
The real logic of emotional problems is: two people do not know how to manage feelings, do not know how to make feelings too good, always do some things that consume feelings, let love slowly wear into no love, and the behavior will show unlove behavior, such as what you said, not to reply to your message in seconds, will not immediately coax you after the quarrel, even if you are not happy, he does not care so much.
His indifference to you is the result of your emotional management, and the real problem is that what you do together consumes this love. The consumption of daily life, the consumption of the mode of getting along, the consumption of communication, the consumption of the conflict resolution mode, etc. are all consuming your feelings, so that you feel as if he did not love you before.
Many people can't sort out this logic, always boiling down to all the problems simply and rudely to the other party not loving me so much, but they will not delve deeply: Why does he not love you so much? If you ask questions, you will find that it may be due to reasons such as not knowing communication, being too stubborn, not being able to manage feelings, not understanding your partner, and so on.
At this time, we should have the courage to face our own weaknesses, do not use simple and rough logic, put all the problems down to the other party, feel that the source of emotional pain is because the other party does not love themselves so much, to find the reason for the change of emotions.
In fact, the reason why most of the emotional problems will occur is that the fundamental problem is because they do not have the ability to manage their feelings well. Make up for the shortcomings, learn to manage feelings, unhappy feelings will become happy, broken feelings will be repaired.
So if you want to go back to the original sweetness with your boyfriend, first understand why your boyfriend didn't love himself before. Why? Is it that there is a problem with your relationship, causing him to change his feelings for you, make some appropriate adjustments, and you will regain a sweet relationship!