As we all know, Shen Tao
As a well-known host, he is loved by many viewers with his humorous and humorous and mature and stable hosting style.
In terms of life style, it is also a good wind evaluation, no stain.
On one show, he said in a joking tone: Only the wife can help carry the tie.
Although it is a short sentence, it reflects the sense of boundaries in feelings and marriage.
Many people do not understand the sense of boundaries, think that two people are married, what sense of boundaries do they need?
Two people together, into the palace of marriage, should be husband and wife, regardless of each other, where do you need any sense of boundaries?
In fact, this is a big mistake, not only do people need a sense of boundaries, but also in marriage, they need a sense of boundaries.
This sense of boundary is not only reflected in the fact that the distance from the other opposite sex should be maintained for the sake of the other half, but also in the responsibility and division between family members, which requires wisdom and principles.
01
In the relationship, you should keep your distance from the other opposite sex for the sake of the other half
Shen Tao's words directly show that we should care about and experience the feelings of the other half, and when we have established an intimate relationship with a person, we should keep a distance from other members of the opposite sex.
For example, wearing a tie, caring for each other, booing and asking for warmth, and so on.
Not only should you not do this to other members of the opposite sex, but you should not let other members of the opposite sex do this to themselves and give other members of the opposite sex such opportunities.
A few years ago, with the broadcast of Qingyunzhi, yang zi and Qin Junjie's love affair was also exposed, and the two people were like glue.
However, such a couple, the good couple in everyone's eyes, Qin Junjie ate a bowl of rice with Zhang Xueying in the show.
As soon as this matter came out, everyone was denouncing Qin Junjie, thinking that he was unclean and self-righteous.
Eating a bowl of rice with the opposite sex is itself something that couples do, and has exceeded the boundaries of friends.
Doing this in the case of already having a girlfriend is undoubtedly hurting the girlfriend's feelings.
Not long after, the news of Qin Junjie and Yang Zi's breakup came out, which showed that no girl could tolerate this kind of behavior without a sense of boundaries.
A boy, so without a sense of boundaries, is nothing more than eating in a bowl and looking at the pot.
In the end, not only his girlfriend lost, but also lost face, and finally became infamous in the entertainment industry, and the girl who was ambiguous with him did not know where to go.
What a pain, the gain is not worth the loss.
I have a friend, Xiao Zhu, who is also like this with her boyfriend, and her boyfriend is also a very unbounded person.
While she was with her boyfriend, one day she found out about him chatting with his female colleagues.
This was at the end of a departmental gathering, and the female colleague greeted him with great concern.
Is it uncomfortable to care about him? Are you okay? Concerned about how he smoked?
And he also thinks that this is a normal concern between colleagues and friends.
Flipping up the chat history, she saw that the two men had been caring for each other for some time.
With the convenience of work, two people are together almost all the time, which is not normal in any way.
His boyfriend thinks this is a very normal thing and enjoys such an ambiguous colleague relationship.
Xiao Zhu was very upset and had a big fight with her boyfriend, and eventually her boyfriend promised her to keep her distance from her female colleagues.
However, not long after, she stumbled upon another female colleague of his and confessed to him on WeChat.
Xiao Zhu was really dizzy, thinking that this female colleague could confess to a boy, it would not be for no reason, and something ambiguous must have happened between the two people.
And when she questioned her boyfriend, her boyfriend had a lesson in the past, never mentioning the details of his relationship with the female colleague.
Only to say that all are the fault of female colleagues, only to say that this is All Xiao Zhu is making unreasonable trouble.
He also said that he needed to take care of Xiao Zhu's sensitive emotions and was very tired.
Undoubtedly, Xiao Zhu's heart has fed the dog, and her so-called boyfriend does not understand the sense of boundaries with people at all.
I have a girlfriend, and I still feel that it is normal to ask for warmth between colleagues of the opposite sex, and even others have confessed to themselves, and they do not think so.
But that's not all, the boyfriend is not only ambiguous with two female colleagues, but also doesn't know how to establish boundaries with his ex-girlfriend.
His ex-girlfriend came to him to get back together, and although he didn't agree, he said to his ex-girlfriend that I feel guilty about you, can help you, and can accompany you to see your sick mother.
Xiao Zhu was furious when he learned of this and immediately broke up.
This boy is really the strangest thing that I have done in so many consultations, and there is no sense of boundary between the opposite sex.
02
Family members should keep their sense of boundaries
Not only in gender relationships, we need a sense of boundaries, but we also need a sense of boundaries in family relationships.
Family relationship is the ultimate stage of gender relations, each couple basically get along to the end, to enter the palace of marriage, at this time the family relationship is established.
If everyone in the family relationship can distinguish their responsibilities and obligations and guard the boundaries, then the family relationship will be much more harmonious.
Many times, our dissatisfaction is actually too much to ask of others, taking other people's things as our own affairs, and treating our own affairs as other people's affairs.
For example, a girl who is pregnant needs to be taken care of, and getting pregnant and having a child is a matter for herself and her husband, but it is not a matter for both parents.
But many girls will think that both parents should help them with their children, which is what they should do.
And parents with children, should come according to their own time, if not, it is the parents' fault.
In fact, thinking from the perspective of boundary sense, thinking like this is simply a source of contradiction.
Because being pregnant and having children is the responsibility of both men and women, not the responsibility of both parents.
Secondly, letting parents on both sides help with the child is a kind of help.
For the person who helps, if she is not politely asked to follow her own way, it is undoubtedly a big contradiction to take her parents as a tool person.
Therefore, we should adjust our mindset.
Parents helping to bring their children is only out of emotional help, not responsibility and obligation.
Secondly, let parents take their children, it is impossible to completely follow their own way, they should adjust their expectations.
This is an example of both men and women clarifying their own family responsibilities, in the same way that parents should also clarify their sense of boundaries with their children.
When the children grow up, get married and have children and have their own lives, they should no longer interfere.
As soon as you enter the child's house, don't think about being the master of the child, because this is the new family that the child has built himself.
The owner of this family is his own children and his other half, not himself.
Many people who are rated as evil mothers-in-law by their daughters-in-law are because they want to be the master of the children's family, and they think that they are the mother of the children and can do whatever they want.
If your own child marries a daughter-in-law, and the daughter-in-law spends her husband's money, she should use her entire family as a cow and a horse.
This kind of thinking is the most stupid, no doubt disregarding the happiness of the child, and completely wanting the daughter-in-law to satisfy her selfish desire for control.
Family members should respect each other's boundaries, rather than constantly proving their importance by touching each other's boundaries.
I have a friend who is the only child of a single-parent family, a girl.
Her mother paid a lot to raise her, and because of the failure of her marriage, she thought that men were unreliable, and the only one who was really reliable to her daughter was herself.
When my friend was in love, her mother was very critical of her daughter's object, and even when my friend's boyfriend gave her a gift, her mother would naturally open it to herself.
Because her mom believes that there shouldn't be any privacy and boundaries between herself and her.
Through her story, I saw a mother who was very controlling.
We have to admit that in this world, there are other feelings besides family affection.
Although family affection is relatively more stable, other feelings are also indispensable. It is not right that because other feelings do not have a stable family relationship, they must be ranked high and low.
The right thing to do is to respect each other and clarify our responsibilities and obligations.
Help him but don't force him to feel different feelings, and also give his loved ones the opportunity to feel different feelings.
I hope that all my readers can establish the right sense of boundaries in their feelings.
Author | He is a graduate of the first batch of the Humanities Seminar of Zhongnan Cultural College of Xidian University, and is now engaged in the chip design industry and has a certain research on Traditional Chinese Studies and Psychology. Participated in and practiced the fifth cold love emotional repair camp, as well as a series of self-awareness, self-improvement and other courses in Huazhen. Have their own understanding of emotional management, intimate relationships, family of origin, etc. Both emotional and scientific thinking. Empathy, rational combing, good at extracting from emotions, drawing appropriate conclusions and solutions.