Fan question 1
Teacher Shangshang, now that I am in a state of redemption, do you see if the chat records of the two of us are still possible to compound? The two of us are almost five years, more than three years of different places, two years of the same city, and then the feelings have no passion, one seven years in July the man broke up once, I was stalking, with the help of the flower town and reconciled, and then the man said to break up on February 5 this year, I have not been sad last time, but still reluctant to save a choice to withdraw to him a punishment, and then today the first chat, now the mentality is more relaxed, want to continue to improve their value hope to get the advice of Teacher Shang Shang
Shang said
Your case verifies a sentence that I often mentioned before, compound what can be done, if you can't change yourself, don't solve the problem between you, compound is just the beginning of another repetition of the same mistakes, so if you want to compound, you want to be happy together for a long time, the primary premise of compounding is to discover where the real problems between you are, and do changes and adjustments yourself, according to the information you provide, you said that when he mentioned the breakup again, you were reluctant to keep it, and you also withdrew and wanted to punish him. This shows that you have a bit of a sense of revenge, when a person feels that he wants to fight back at the other party's behavior, he does not really realize that he should bear the corresponding responsibility for this matter, otherwise he should be sad and self-blamed, and the attention should also be on how to change himself.
How can a person who does not feel that he has a problem correctly improve himself?
It is true that when you are more beautiful, gentle, interesting and cute, your attractiveness will also increase, and the range of choices will increase, but the people who have really loved rarely choose to break up because of conditions, and many of them are because you can no longer give emotional comfort, make the other party uncomfortable with you, and cannot give enough attraction in terms of conditions to lead to breakups.
Simply put, you don't have the ability to control a relationship and be led by the nose by someone else. So, break up through high-value display, the other party may notice you, the other party is hooked, but the previous problems still exist, continue to love and kill each other, and finally exhausted and separate again.
Therefore, the ability to redeem and improve the relationship, understand the way men and women get along, and the promotion of value is the real road to happiness.
Finally, after reading the chat records between you, your current mentality is still quite good, that is because he is still willing to be teased by you, which shows that you can actually feel that he still loves you and has this confidence. Therefore, there is still a great chance that you will get back together, just from the dialogue to see that he has obvious emotions about you, and what this emotion is, you have to think about and solve.
Fan question 2
Teacher Shang, pay attention to your public account, I want to report your consultation to save your ex-boyfriend, but for various reasons, I can't register for the time being. So I want to ask you here, I've been away from my boyfriend for almost a year, during which I went to him three times, got pregnant twice for him, did it because I didn't want to have children, and he blamed himself for this. I broke up in mid-January because I was too much of a breakup, and he said he had no motivation to hold on, but asked him he said he still loved me. After the breakup of the fourth day to find him, he is still not reconciled, after every night will find me to talk, chat very good, during the two times there were two or three days ignored me, are I took the initiative to find him. Then this time for a week did not pay attention to me, I did not look for him, but Chinese New Year's Eve sent him blessings at night and did not return to me, just last night I looked for him he straightened me out, the chat is OK, quite concerned about me. By the way, I bought him a zippo before the breakup, and I was going to give it to him on Valentine's Day, but I broke up. After the breakup he said that after the year I took it, I asked him to come next month, because next month on the 19th of my birthday, he was a bit of a mother, he said last night that he would pick a time in March, for him to come I am not hopeful. Teacher, can you help me analyze what he thinks now, he can always ignore me, I look for him he will reply to me, and very concerned about me, the topic is around me, my appeal is that this relationship can still be saved, please answer the teacher
You said you were pregnant twice, you didn't want to do it, he blamed himself for you, I wondered, since you blame yourself and don't want to, why don't you take protective measures. Once is an accident, twice a year is you stupid, he is bad.
A man who says he still loves you after breaking up knowing he wants to get back together will come to you for the gift you bought. There are two possibilities.
1. There are still feelings for you, caring about you, and chatting with you are all manifestations of his feelings for you, which is also what you currently insist on and think. But what I'm saying is being wary of men who say they love you after a breakup, either selfish or bad, who really love you, will try to give you happiness, can't be together and hope that you can come out as soon as possible to get real happiness. It is not easy to say that I still love you to give you hope.
2, treat you as a spare tire, there is a little feeling has not yet reached the level of want to compound, so treat you as an embryo to watch, enjoy your good and do not need to pay, there is no harm. That's why you're struggling with it right now. Such people are undoubtedly bad.
But no matter what state this man is, you should let him roll thick.
Therefore, for this kind of ironclad, very likely selfish man, let him roll rough as soon as possible in order to meet the person who can really give you happiness as soon as possible.
Teacher Shang Can you write about how to cultivate the ability to love?
It's a topic that can be written in several books, and I can't explain it in one Q&A.
Here, let me introduce a few books. I hope you can find some answers from these books.
The Five Powers of Love
Five languages of love
The road that few people walk
True happiness