I have always longed to have time to write down what I think in my heart, to write down my understanding and perception of life. Record your own mental journey in words and leave memories of every most beautiful time in your life. But many times, I still don't have time to concentrate on writing, although in the world of words I feel the most comfortable and peaceful.
The complicated life didn't have much time for me to stop and meditate, so much so that I kept missing out on something that had once stayed in my inner world. When I stopped to pick it up, I found that it had disappeared without a trace, and there was nowhere to pursue.
Life is always gaining and losing, and I still don't know what I've ever gained. Only when you are alone, desolation and loneliness will continue to surge into your heart, and there will be a trace of hidden pain in your heart.
I don't know when I fell in love with sadness, I fell in love with melancholy. A beautiful picture, a sad text, can knock me down in an instant, and the feeling of loneliness and helplessness is painful. Unspeakable sorrow pervaded the whole world.
Maybe fate doomed me to be a lone walker, and after many struggles without support and understanding, I had to choose to be silent. Don't know if it is time to grind out the edges and corners of your restless mentality and become indifferent? Or do you hide your true inner world behind an impetuous life and don't want to mention it? But no matter what, I could never stop thinking and searching in my heart.
There has always been a voice that constantly reminds me: Don't lose your true nature. I don't like hypocritical drama with people, I am not used to the competitive place where I am deceitful, and I will not use my heart to win the sympathy and help of others. Therefore, I always suspect that I am not suitable for survival in the human world. But after all, I am a layman, but I just have a heart that is not willing to be vulgar. To put it bluntly, I am just looking for excuses for my cowardice and incompetence.
If you want to have a clear mind as transparent as water, you can't escape the world's disturbances and grievances. Sometimes I really hope that I am a completely free person, not to be tripped by the trivialities of life, and not to drown myself in the complexity of life.
People are afraid of loneliness, but I long for loneliness. Maybe only in the moment of loneliness am I the most real, but also confused, which side of the person is the real self? Repeating in my mind, what am I looking for?
It seems that it is really possible to achieve no desire and no demand, but I want to get more and deeper understanding. I have not really integrated into this world, I already have a heart that is born out of the world, wanting to escape from all the disputes of the world and completely close myself.
In the dream, the flowers are dancing and the time is shining. But I was like a miserable fallen leaf, drifting aimlessly in the cold night of early autumn. The flowers were sighing, and whispers came from time to time.
Born like a summer flower without regrets, it is better to die with the flower than to love dust.