One day when I was chatting with friends, we talked about love, and every time I talked to them about this, I felt like I had an extra job in my spare time. No way, probably because professional habits always make me sensitive to the content of this part of the emotional psychology.
Of course, sometimes I will always tell my friends some practical problems, just take what kind of love is the longest, I will always pour cold water on them, because no love will last.
Perhaps this paragraph has puzzled many friends, and after a little statement, it may be much clearer.
Let's start with the three elements of love proposed by Sternberg, who knows the most, and Sternberg proposes that love is composed of three elements, namely passion, intimacy and commitment.
Passion is the motivational drive related to sex, which we can simply understand as the driving force of everything including desires and ideas.
Intimacy is the feeling of being intimate with each other.
Commitments are short- and long-term goals and decisions.
After unfolding these three elements one by one, we will find that if the relationship between two people is stable, intimacy is indispensable. For commitment, two people in a relationship, at any time, are deciding to do something, from what to eat today, to job changes, house changes, and so on.
However, the most uncontrollable thing is passion. Literally, we will also know that everyone has a period of peak in passion, and likewise, there will be a trough, and the secondary improvement of the peak is actually difficult. To be precise, the peak of many people's passion is often a matter of moments.
Of course, from a physiological point of view, each of us secretes erotic hormones, which are chemicals closely related to love. Will make us feel happy, happy. However, unfortunately, such hormone secretion will begin to decline after it reaches its peak in a certain period of time.
In this way, it becomes difficult to maintain our passion. It is not difficult to take out the feelings we have seen, heard, and even experienced to see that many people's understanding of love is ultimately stuck in the period of freshness.
Why is three months a hurdle between couples? This matter is very easy to understand, after all, for many people, three months is almost the time when the novelty disappears, and after everyone becomes more and more familiar, it is less passionate in love.
Some people may ask, so why can many people's love last so long, every time they see the love of some grandparents, they will hold hands and send flowers, which always makes people tear up.
This question is also very simple to understand, because they have found their own way of getting along with each other. Remember our definition of passion? Passion, while motivated by sex, is more of a person's intrinsic need.
Gradually, everyone will understand that the relationship between two people, the satisfaction and satisfaction of needs are throughout the entire relationship.
It may be because of the novelty at the beginning, and then adjusted to emotional needs, such as companionship, such as care, such as taking care of each other, such as having a crush on each other, and so on.
This matter cannot be solved by the needs of one party, and the satisfaction and being met are both sides and common.
So is it difficult to be in a long-term relationship? Of course it's hard. But not? Certainly not.
The key is whether both sides have actively adjusted, within their own scope, to give each other what they can give. If we just look at the appearance and height on the surface, the final result will definitely be aesthetic fatigue, resulting in no way to find a more suitable way to get along with each other.
The long-term relationship, there is no really suitable person, there is no set of conventional methods to achieve this goal, what is needed is to constantly adjust in the relationship, to find a dynamic balance between each other. Such a love that has been passed down as a good story can really work together to grow old.
I am Li Yang and wish you happiness.
Author | Li Yang
Image source | Internet
Graphic editing | 61t
All rights reserved, without permission, reproduction is prohibited