Today, I dug a pit in the village, next to the dump, in the low-lying area, piled up some firewood, and began to burn my husband's relics, and anything that could be burned, I was going to burn them, including the quilt mattress sheets he had slept on.
You might think: This is the custom in our village or my family, no. Then you may also think: I am sad, I don't want to leave anything behind, I am afraid of seeing it, I can't stop crying, nor is it.
I haven't shed tears or felt bad for my husband since he died. I flow only for myself, I just want to heal the wounds.
I know that there are quite a few people in the village watching from afar, some on the roof and on the wall, and some who are about to go out to inquire. I know they have questions, maybe you have questions too, right?
Then listen to me, my story.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="5" >1</h1>
My name is Chen Xiaolin, and I am 50 years old this year. My mother's family is in the countryside of Waixian County, more than 200 kilometers away from here. My parents raised us 3 children, my brother, me and my brother. My mom died when I was 8 years old. We have always lived with grandma.
Grandma was a hard-working rural woman who was the head of the family. I have the impression that Grandma is generally very serious, and only in the evening light, when doing needlework, she is particularly kind. And when she laughs, she becomes cute, almost like a child.
In the third year of junior high school, my grandmother died, I was particularly sad, I did not have the heart to study, I missed my grandmother too much, my mind was full of pictures of being with my grandmother, and I wanted to shed tears.
One day, on the way home from school, I couldn't help but cry again, and a boy with a school bag on his back looked at me and walked over. After a while, he stepped back and said, "I know you, you are Chen Xiaolin of the third (1st) class, and I am Huang Li of the first (1st) class of high school." What's wrong with you? Who bullied you? ”
I cried even harder, and I squatted down and cried as much as I could, saying that my grandmother had died, and I missed my grandmother. I cried for a long time and he was on the side
Standing without saying anything. When I was done crying, he told me that he didn't have a grandmother anymore. So we walked silently, one after the other, to a fork in the road, and he said, "My house is over there, but I want to send you home, okay?" I nodded.
From this day on, every day when I went to school, he was waiting for me at that fork in the road. We went to school together. He studied very well, I didn't understand the problem, no matter what the lesson, he always patiently taught me.
Once, he picked up a small stick on the road and squatted on the ground to draw and give me a lecture. My mind flew and I stared at him in shock, not understanding what he had drawn there. He teased me and said, "Didn't you listen?" I blushed.
After graduating from junior high school, I went home to farm. And my friendship with Huang Li stayed silently in that section, on the way to school. I don't have any extravagant hopes for this friendship, he is a high school student, he has a better way to go.
I thank Huang Li for coming to me on my sad days, silently accompanying me, encouraging me to cheer up and help me learn. It was a particularly wonderful time for me.
These memories of the sunshine have always been in the depths of my soul, and every time they emerge, they are warm. Even if I am old now, it is still my warm memory
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="49" >2</h1>
When I was 20 years old, my brother was married and had a lovely son, and my brother had been working for more than a year. My brother-in-law and I do farm work, raise livestock and birds. Life at home is still OK.
It was also this year that my father fell ill, a serious kidney disease. The brother accompanied his father to see a doctor. But the money was too unspent, and it was soon stretched.
On this day, the uncle came to discuss important matters with his father. Uncle Dabo proposed that I should get married so that I could get some bride price to subsidize My father's medical expenses.
In fact, there were also media come to the door before, but I didn't match it. There are so many things in the family, I don't want to marry so early, but I can't oppose my uncle's statement, if I can help my father and help the family, I have no opinion.
Uncle Said: Entrusting people to find a well-off in-law family, ask for more bride price. Don't be picky about the rest. Dad felt that this was too wrong for his daughter, which made Dad's eyes full of tears.
And I supported Uncle Da's proposal. I am willing to make any sacrifice for my father, let alone just marry, sooner or later I will get married.
A month later, the in-laws were selected, and the mother-in-law's family was in the countryside of waixian county, more than 200 kilometers away from my home. The mother-in-law Li Cuihua has been widowed for many years, but the family is well-off. She has two sons, Li Tian and Li Feng, and the younger son, Li Feng, who works in a big city, has already started a family. Say to me is the eldest son Li Tian.
The other party promised to give a dowry of 50,000 yuan, which was a lot of money in the 80s.
When Li Tian came to my house, I didn't go out to meet, I didn't want to see, I just wanted to marry with my eyes closed. But the sister-in-law said: Li Tianren looks good and has good facial features. I heard that there are also craftsmen who can work as carpenters. It's a little older, 28 years old.
I thought about it at that time: after getting married, I must live a good life, whether my mother-in-law is good or bad to me, I can't care. Whether I like Li Tian or not, I have to be good to him.
I must not let my father worry about me, and let him rest assured of his illness. Thinking of this, I seem to have no premarital fears, but much more relaxed. I think it is love and responsibility that give me strength.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="50" >3, in-laws</h1>
On the day of the marriage, because it was far away, there were not many people in the in-laws' family, including mother-in-law, Li Tian, Li Feng and daughter-in-law Xiao Hong. Li Tian, not short, very spirited, white shirt, red tie, wearing a dark blue suit, wearing a red groom's corsage on his chest, standing there straight. That gives me more confidence.
The courtyard of the in-laws' house is still larger than that of my family. The new house was beautifully furnished. You can see it when you enter the door, a large wardrobe with a mirror. On the bed were a pair of red satin quilt quilts stacked on top of each other. Happy letters plastered all over the house. The whole house was red with festive flavor.
Soon, all of this became worthless in my mind. Because, on that day, I experienced domestic violence, and it was really unbearable. That was the first time I was beaten by Li Tian, and I lay down for 3 whole days.
My mother-in-law and xiao Hong, the younger brother-in-law and daughter-in-law, took turns to guard me, afraid that I would run away. My mother-in-law also pressed me 2,000 yuan to comfort the frightened me. And begged me not to leave. He also promised to support my mother's family. Of course, Li Tian also apologized for various kinds. But in the days that followed, I knew that the apology was just talk.
If I want to go, they can't stop it. But I couldn't go, and all my eyes were like helpless, tearful fathers. I can't let my father know, let alone make him sad. My father knew that I was happy, so he could be at ease with treatment. I decided to put up with it, but I was still trembling with fear.
In this way, in this in-law's house where I can't eat or wear, I alternately live between the human world and hell. I was constantly doing housework and farming, and I didn't want to stay at home, I just wanted to do something outside.
I didn't want to go home, and I was scared at night. I just want to stay with my mother-in-law, and I will go wherever my mother-in-law goes.
Finally I got pregnant. The mother-in-law promised that as long as she was pregnant, she would not have to sleep in the marriage room, and she could sleep in the same room as her mother-in-law.
One night, my mother-in-law was suddenly very sad and involuntarily burst into tears. She said to me, "I especially wish you were pregnant with a daughter." I asked incomprehensibly, why? The mother-in-law said: "In fact, on the wedding day, if you leave, I will not stop you." Because I understand your suffering, your father-in-law is what I did. ”
I was stunned, oh my God, how could this be? The mother-in-law continued: "When I married into the Li family, Li Tian was already two years old. Your father-in-law's ex-wife divorced after giving birth to Li Tian. Li Tian was not born to me. ”
It turned out that the mother-in-law was an orphan, and she also married into the Li family without knowing it. She also thought about leaving, but she had nowhere to go. Moreover, every time the father-in-law beats the mother-in-law, he will constantly apologize, and even kneel down and beg the mother-in-law not to leave. There is also 2-year-old Li Tian, those tearful eyes that long for maternal love, she endured and did not leave.
Then, the mother-in-law became pregnant. It was also at this time, because of the needs of reservoir construction, that the commune organized its members to participate in the construction. The father-in-law went to the construction site to participate in the battle. The mother-in-law only then settled down. Later, the father-in-law died in an accident. After that, the mother-in-law gave birth to Li Feng. Living with two children until now.
The mother-in-law said: "Unexpectedly, my eldest son, Li Tian, actually beat his wife like his father." Li Tian was disobedient, he couldn't control himself. The mother-in-law continued with tears in her eyes: "I'm sorry, Xiaolin, I'm still too selfish, did I hurt you?" All I want you to do now is a daughter. ”
Knowing that my mother-in-law and I had suffered the same hardships, I was very distressed, and the tears could not stop flowing down. I sympathize with my mother-in-law's past, and I am even more sad about my own present. Because, Li Tian also only apologized and did not repent. I can only be careful and live in fear.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="51" > end</h1>
As my mother-in-law wished, my daughter was born. Under the protection and dedicated care of my mother-in-law, I successfully completed the confinement. During this period, the mother-in-law asked Li Tian to go to work in other places for a period of time.
Two years later, my father died. Until I died, my father thought that I had married a good family and had a good son-in-law. That's what I want him to know. Shortly thereafter, the mother-in-law was hospitalized and diagnosed with liver cancer. Three months later, the mother-in-law was also gone. My human world is also about to become hell.
In these difficult years, my second daughter was born. Angelic daughters, it is my sunshine, they constantly warm me and my home. It also gave me a huge motivation to live.
Indeed, part of my life has been spent in hell. But God took care of me and gave me two daughters. This is my happiness in misfortune.
In later life, if you are patient, you must also be patient, the scars are covered with scars, and life will continue. I gritted my teeth and endured the pain. For the healthy growth of my daughters, I strive to move forward.
Thirty years on, the daughters are grown, three years ago, the eldest daughter got married and now has children. Last year, the youngest daughter also got married.
Now, in the hospital bed, Li Tian, who has not stopped, is gone. I am already a 50-year-old person who has been hurt by Li Tian. No one knows my suffering, and my tears have nowhere to cry.
Today, I just want to clean up, to erase the traces left by Li Tian, in order to save my broken heart so that I can start a new life.
The story is over. Chen Xiaolin's forbearance, which lasted for 30 years, was so difficult. First for the fathers, then for the daughters. And Li Tian never tried to change, he just cycled through domestic violence and apologies until his death.
Chen Xiaolin wanted to burn Li Tian's relics to vent the bitterness in his heart and heal himself. Perhaps, this is also a way to do it. I hope that Chen Xiaolin can heal his wounds and start a new life.
I'm @Helima and I'll tell stories that happen to me and around me.