As we all know, Japanese dramas are notoriously heavy tastes. Like "Day Face", the story of the derailment of two housewives is portrayed so delicately.
Some time ago, the "Love of the Sage" was fiercely brushed on the screen, and the heroine cultivated a girlfriend's son for revenge for 20 years, and was famous for destroying the three views.
"Glass Reed" is a daughter and mother committed to a man together, and even staged a big drama of killing people and crushing corpses.
Today, if sister also wants to introduce you to such a Japanese drama, called "Mom, is it okay not to be your daughter?" 》。
The plot is also very simple, the mother will not hesitate to seduce her boyfriend in order to control her daughter in an all-round way...
But such a seemingly bizarre plot, but a large number of netizens left a message "Oh my God, isn't this me and my mother?" ”。
It is rare that such a perverted drama can attract so many people's sense of substitution, and many people are using this drama to reflect on their relationship with their mothers and how they should educate their children. The following if sister also uses it to discuss with you~ ~
▼ There is a perverted love,
Call "I'm your mom, I'm all for your own good!" ”
The beginning of the story is very warm. The female protagonist is Mei Yue (nan Bo Yue), a 25-year-old English teacher at a girls' school. Since she was a child, she has grown up with good character and excellent character, and is a typical well-behaved girl.
Her mother's name is Keiko (Yuki Saito), a housewife who centers on her daughter in everything she does and is determined to help her solve all problems.
Therefore, the relationship between mother and daughter is also good. The daughter will tell her mother about big things and small things, and the boy has failed to date, and the first time to send a text message to ask her mother.
What shoes to wear when you go out, ask your mother.
Some classmates in the class disobeyed, or asked their mothers. The mantra of the heroine is "Mom, what should I do?" ”
In her mind, her mother is Superman, able to help her solve all her problems.
I don't have any friends, as long as I am happy with my mother.
And the mother also enjoys the feeling that her daughter is dependent on herself, in her mind, her daughter is like her "lover", and the two people must be together all the time.
As for the father in the family, he was completely squeezed out by the mother and daughter and acted as a human flesh background board...
But behind this seemingly sweet and happy appearance, there is actually a deep crisis hidden, because the principle of harmonious mother-daughter relationship is that daughters must listen to their mothers in everything!
But in fact, how can a person not have his own thoughts? Daughters also do not want to be managed by their mothers in many things. For example, the heroine does not like to wear a dress at all, but she is forced to wear it by her mother every time.
Why did her mother let her wear it like this? Because in her heart, her daughter is another self!
I also don't like light-colored floors, floral wallpaper, but I can see my mother touching my cheeks to know that my mother is not happy, so I can only choose the facts to follow my mother.
Some people may ask, isn't the mother unhappy, why is the heroine so cowardly and dare not resist? In fact, not only Oh, this mother will not only be unhappy, but also pretend to be sick. As long as the daughter does not obey, she will immediately die of pain and live like a terminal illness, and over time, the heroine will get used to the decision of her mother and develop this soft personality.
But these mothers alone are not satisfied. What she demands in her heart is that her daughter can be obedient like a doll and can invade her daughter's life everywhere.
To this end, she bought a telescope, disguised herself as a stranger, and followed her daughter on every date.
When my daughter goes to work, she will secretly go through her diary to see what she writes every day.
He would also place his own dolls all over the house and talk to them like daughters.
As for why this mother chose this extreme way to get along with her daughter? In fact, it is because the heroine's grandmother also controlled her in this way!
It's just that the grandmother uses a poisonous tongue to scold people to make Xianzi listen to her own words, and Xianzi is very disgusted with her mother in her heart, in order not to become the same person as her mother, she adopts a very gentle attitude to treat her daughter, but in fact, slowly, Xianzi has unconsciously embarked on her mother's old path.
▲ The grandmother in the play is still scolding Xianzi before she dies!
Because grandma had not read any books, she forced Xianzi to be admitted to a good university.
Because xianzi did not become a teacher when she was young, she asked her daughter to choose her profession as a teacher.
Although one adopts a harsh approach and the other adopts a tender approach, in the end, both grandma and mother are controlling the lives of their next generation in their own way. No matter how much Xianzi hated her original mother, she had slowly become the most hated appearance she had ever been.
And this is the influence of the original family on a person unconsciously!
As for how will mizuki treat her own children in the future? In fact, just by imagining everyone knows. If this closed-loop structure of family control is not changed, this doll education will continue forever.
And how to change the impact of this original family on yourself? This is the topic that my sister is going to discuss with you next.
▼ There is a kind of sadness called "I became "you"
In fact, before watching this drama, If Sister also saw a fan help letter backstage. Let's call her Xiaolan for the time being. Xiaolan is 30 years old this year, is a hot mother after 80, and has a 2-year-old daughter named Xuexue.
After she gave birth to the baby, she resigned to take the child at home, although she always reminded herself to be gentle with the child and give the child a lot of love, but sometimes she would be inexplicably grumpy.
Once Xuexue snorted that she didn't want to eat, Xiaolan suddenly pointed at her daughter and scolded: "If you don't want to eat, get out, no one cares about you!" But after saying this, she was stupid, and the picture that flashed in her mind was when she was a child, and her mother pointed at her and scolded: "Xiaolan, if you don't want to eat, get me out!" ”
So she broke down and cried, leaving a message asking her sister what to do? Obviously, when she was a child, she hated her mother scolding herself like that, but she would now scold her daughter exactly the same! Why did she try her best to become the same person as her mother?
First of all, the sister wants to say that she is very grateful for the trust of this fan, and secondly, she wants to say that Xiaolan is not a realistic version of the xianzi, obviously hating that her parents controlled their lives in this way, but they still have to use the same way to treat the next generation.
▲ Xianzi learns that her grandmother controls her daughter's love affair
This reminds sister if of watching an episode of "Friends" before, Rachel taught Joey to sail a sailboat, very impatiently yelled at Joey, and later realized that this was the way his parents treated themselves!
In fact, there is a concept in psychology called "inheritance", which means that we will independently inherit the personality traits and behavior patterns of the family members (not only parents, but also other important dependents) who have an impact on us.
Some parents are very disgusted with our model, but in fact, deep down we agree, and the point of identification is that we feel that these ways are really useful. For example, Xiaolan, although she knows that her mother's way of doing herself is inappropriate, she also makes herself very uncomfortable, but she can really make the child obey herself well, so she inadvertently inherits this education model, which is the subconscious identity.
So this inappropriate relationship between the two generations will be passed on from generation to generation, just like we see in the play.
▲ Xianzi, like her grandmother, threatens her child with "You betrayed me"
So what can we do to break this cycle?
First, we can build some new intimate relationships and experiences that are best equal and respectful. We need to find self-identification in such a model and establish a new model of getting along.
Second, we need to try to understand the meaning behind the parents' actions, and then communicate at a deeper level. The key to resolving family entanglements lies in individual cognitive breakthroughs, rather than continuing to dwell on right and wrong with family members. Since they are entangled with each other, on the one hand, they change, and on the other hand, they lose the space to rely on, and naturally they will change accordingly.
Finally, I would like to send a paragraph of the words of female writer Zhao Jie to everyone, hoping to inspire you:
I admire a kind of parent who gives a strong intimacy when the child is young, and then learns to withdraw gracefully when the child grows up, care and separation are all tasks that parents must complete in the child.
Parent-child relationship is not a permanent possession, but a deep fate in life, we can neither make the child feel the barrenness of childhood, nor can the child feel suffocated in adulthood.
Being a parent is a journey of heart and wisdom. Not only as a parent, but also in many moments of life, you should know how to move forward and backward.
PS again: if you want to watch this Japanese drama, Station B has resources.
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