"Very Anchor" (alias "Speeding Scandal") is a comedy directed by South Korean director Kang Kyung-chul. The male protagonist in the film, Hyun-so, is a radio anchor and a thirty-year-old single aristocrat with a good life.
However, a twenty-year-old daughter and a six-year-old grandson who fell from the sky shattered the calm of his life, and because of the arrival of his daughter and grandson, his home also changed from a clean, bright, intelligent and advanced "greenhouse container" to a chicken flying dog jumping, small but warm family of three.
Yes, this movie tells the story of a father who has no responsibility. Before the arrival of her daughter and grandson, Hyun-soo is affectionate at work, but in private he is a cold and ruthless person, let alone a father in a family.
However, as he spends time with his daughter and grandson, he is also growing day by day, from a father who ignores his family and has no sense of responsibility, to a father who can be relied on.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" > from a "hypocrite" who neglects his family to a loving grandfather</h1>
At the beginning of the film, Hyun-soo is a person with a chaotic private life and no love for children. Once, he tried to keep his daughter and grandson out of the house, not wanting them to move into the house.
Later, he took the initiative to understand his grandson's life in kindergarten, and after knowing that his grandson was rejected by children because of his rustic clothes, he took his daughter and grandson to the mall and purchased them large bags of new clothes; when he heard others say bad things about his daughter, he excitedly rushed out of the door. Fortunately, Hyun-so's neglect of her grandson did not last long, and it also made her grandson feel the love from her grandfather.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" > what harms children who are neglected by their parents? </h1>
Insecure, prone to autism
The famous "indifferent face" experiment: The experimental team found that the mother who interacted with the child suddenly had no expression and did not respond to any reaction of the child, the child would be vigilant, tentative, and try his best to attract the attention of the mother, and when the mother still did not respond, the child began to struggle, scream, and finally lose control of emotions.
Former British Prime Minister Winston Churchill was a neglected child from an early age, and the emotional neglect of his parents for many years caused him to suffer from depression.
In the movie "Carnival", Xiaowen's parents divorced, and she lives with her mother. However, her mother ignored her, resulting in a serious insecurity and reluctance to go home. Parents ignore their children, will make the children feel lost, reflect on whether they have done something wrong, in the long run, children will easily fall into self-blame and even inferiority.
Without the attention of parents, children cannot gain a sense of security and self-worth, which are the cornerstones of children's self-confidence and optimism.
There is a gap with parents, not close to parents
Wu Tanru said: The love that insecure people can provide is also disabled.
Grandpa Wang next door was sick, and his two children took turns looking after him. He was particularly concerned about his eldest son, often asking about his recent situation, and the eldest son was also very good to him, changing diapers, turning over, and wrapping them up one by one. The younger son is rarely cared for by his father, and when he comes to visit his father, he always has a feeling of reluctance. The estrangement between the two fathers and sons is precisely caused by Grandpa Wang's neglect of the child.
Children are ignored by their parents, cannot receive their parents' love, lose the "supply" of love, and cannot give back to their parents' love, thus creating a gap.
Anti-dependence, developing an "escapist personality"
When a child is ignored by his parents, he or she forms an "escapist" personality. The little girl in elementary school in the movie "The Perfect Way to Steal a Dog", because her mother is busy at work, she can't even remember her birthday, her "anti-dependence" phenomenon is very serious, and even wants to buy a house on her own.
When Duo Duo filled in the college entrance examination volunteer, although she did not understand the differences in various majors, she never sought the help of her parents and filled in randomly. This is the manifestation of children's "anti-dependence".
"Anti-dependent" children don't need anyone's help, and more specifically, fear the tendency to depend on others. Anti-dependence is different from independence, and anti-dependent children do not want to seek outside help or even escape the help of others even if they suffer losses themselves.
What can parents do to make their children feel valued by their parents?
Turn on your child's "perception"
Feelings are two-way, and sometimes parents make behaviors that value their children, but the children fail to receive them.
There was once a very popular passage: I like to eat bananas, you used all the money to buy me a cart of apples, I did not eat, you feel very wronged. But my favorite food is bananas, not apples. There is a saying that goes like this: Love is not how much you give, but how much the other party receives. Whether a child can feel the attention of his parents is related to the child's perception.
What is perception? Perception is a term in psychology, and perception is the ability to "feel + perceive".
It is not difficult to open the perception, take the child closer to nature, ask more about the child's feelings, and over time, the child's perception will be opened. Perception requires parents to give their children more "satisfaction" and express their love for their children to open.
Feeling: Turn on the child's "perception" and give him enough security.
As mentioned earlier, I like bananas, and you buy apples for them, which does not satisfy children.
For a child to feel fulfilled, it must first be clear about his needs: what you want, I can give you. Seeing that the child's pencil is blunt, buy him a pencil sharpener; see the child looking at the candy and give him a handful of milk candy, which is to provide satisfaction for the child.
Perception: The child's "perception" needs parents to love their children more.
Expressing love is not only through words, like hyun-so in the movie where hyun-so takes her daughter and grandson to go shopping together, but it is also a way to express love. In the Korean drama "Please Answer 1988", Paula's father expressed his love to her through letters. Let children feel the love of their parents, so that they can understand how important they are in their parents' hearts.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" > from irresponsible boys to men who are responsible for their families</h1>
Hyun Soo in the film is a boy without a sense of responsibility at the beginning, as can be seen from his daughter's life, after having a child, he did not take on the corresponding responsibility, and his daughter did not know what disaster she had when she was 20 years old. Later, he was preparing the program because of his grandson's disappearance and became panicked, and held a press conference to announce the identities of his father and grandfather, which were all manifestations of his sense of responsibility along the way.
In the variety show "Diary of a New Student", the host Li Ai once mentioned that a friend of hers, after giving birth to a child, because she was afraid that the child would become a burden to herself, she almost threw the child in the park and left by herself, which is the performance of the irresponsible parents.
For parents, the sense of responsibility is reflected in all aspects, and a parent without a sense of responsibility is undoubtedly a fatal injury to the child. However, the sense of responsibility of parents can be slowly cultivated, and the sense of responsibility of children needs the correct guidance of parents from an early age.
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > how to cultivate a sense of responsibility in children</h1>
To cultivate a child's sense of responsibility, we must first cultivate the child's independent ability
Sukhomlinsky said: You can't always hold his hand, but let him walk independently, make him responsible for himself, and form his own attitude towards life.
Wei Yongkang, a prodigy who was admitted to college at the age of 13 and was dissuaded, lacked the ability to be independent.
Independence is an important sign of the "psychological weaning period", if the child lacks the cultivation of independent consciousness when he is a child, when the "psychological weaning period" comes at the age of 16, he will also lack a sense of responsibility, and everything is dependent on his parents.
Many parents are reluctant to let their children experience it on their own, in fact, after the child is 2 years old, they should begin to cultivate their children's sense of independence.
After the age of 2, we begin to cultivate a sense of independence
The key period for the establishment of a child's sense of security is before the age of 2, when the child is eager for family company, parents should improve the child's self-confidence through care, so the cultivation of independence is best after the age of 2.
Let children bear the consequences of their actions and skillfully use the "natural consequence punishment method"
The "Punishment of Natural Consequences" is an educational law proposed by Rousseau, specifically to let children naturally feel the inconvenience caused by their own faults and let them learn from them.
For example, if the child rolls on the ground and breaks his clothes, parents do not immediately help the child change clothes, but let him continue to wear torn clothes and be embarrassed in front of everyone.
When the child finds that he has not properly protected his clothes, the clothes are torn, and he is ridiculed by others, he also learns to love his own things. Children take responsibility for their own mistakes, rather than changing the outcome through the actions of their parents, which is the "Natural Consequence Punishment Law", which allows children to understand that they need to take corresponding responsibility for what they do.
Goethe once said that responsibility is to have a love for what you are asked to do.
Through humorous and witty film content, "Very Anchor" lets the audience realize the growth experience of a 30-year-old "grandfather", from a "hypocrite" who ignores his family to a loving grandfather, from an irresponsible boy to a man responsible for his family, and also makes us realize the importance of valuing children and cultivating children's sense of responsibility as parents.