Free love refers to the fact that both unmarried men and women, through the introduction of others or their own encounter with the right person, from seeing each other, generating good feelings and developing into a romantic relationship, in the process of talking about marriage and marriage, treating each other with an equal and respectful attitude, without interference and threats from others, is free love.
And marriage from ancient times to the present, are mixed with all kinds of interference and suggestions, our love is no longer our love, our marriage is no longer our marriage, our no longer belongs to us!
I remember writing in an article before, about the elderly unmarried people (regardless of men and women), for our feelings, Chinese parents control a lot, to see what it looks like, to ask about annual income, to ask about family background, and to worry...
Free love becomes a transaction similar to an equivalent exchange!
Here, tell a story in our counseling room
Visitor Ms. Xuan, in the face of intimate relationships do not dare to enter, every time in love, parents will ask east and west, give a variety of suggestions, Ms. Xuan said, really do not know whether they are looking for a husband, or parents are looking for.
Ms. Xuan is 29 years old, according to the legal age, can already legally register marriage, because every time they fall in love, their parents have to participate, just like Tang Sanzang chanted the tight hoop mantra.
She called it the broken thoughts of her parents.
Visually, there are too many giant babies around us, Ma Bao is everywhere, in the face of life difficulties, although it is an adult, but can not learn to stand up, to others: "I do, I am responsible!" ”
Instead, lying in the quagmire of life, shirking responsibility with all his might, and playing tricks on the world: "All blame him, all blame her, all blame them..."
I have no responsibility at all!
This is an adult's mode of thinking, behavior, too naïve.
Those who parasitize the family of origin are not real adults.
Chinese children are very good at performing, do not pretend that parents will say that they do not understand, again and again in order to get the affirmation of adults and pretend to be sensible over time will become a habit, suppress their emotions in exchange for affirmation, still can not fill the deep emptiness.
Similarly, this negative impact of the family of origin is not just a parent's harm to the child, this harm is often two-way.
Because dissatisfaction will stimulate morale at the same time, but also means invisible revenge after success, that kind of doing anything is not for yourself, but to prove to whom, such a starting point is very scary to think.
It is a bit of an exaggeration, but these situations do exist, and all kinds of clues can see the shadow of childhood and the growth of the original family.
You come from your original family, and you will eventually form another original family that belongs to someone else, but the roles are different.
So there is a saying: In your marriage, there is a hidden version of your original family, and your marriage is mostly a copy or adaptation of your original family!
Warm boiled frogs hurt the child's emotional expression, suppress the child's emotions, and physically transmit these qualities. Children are often the first or biggest victims.
For example, you are not allowed to cry.
If you're crying, I don't want you, take you...
I believe that many friends have heard similar words since childhood, and the psychological damage caused by such language is no less than the harm of being hit by a car
Every rebellious child is an "indictment" of parental love.
They aspire to have an independent sense of self, to break free from the constraints and control of their parents, and to build their own little world.
And parents, with love this bundle of fairy rope, firmly tied, no matter how you jump, can not escape the "love" of the five finger mountain!
We often say that if a child wants to master true happiness, he must learn to be separated from his parents.
But in the same way, parents who do not know how to let go and use "invasive" care to kidnap their children will not only not move the children, but will make the children lose their true selves and lose the ability to be happy.
As a parent, shield your children from the wind and rain, but also avoid the grinding of life.
Sometimes, protection is a poison in disguise, and bearing it is better avoided in the future.
Grace is born of harm
The tao of the family is to follow the I Ching, and now traditional culture has lost its fault line, and many traditional cultures are now generating income.
Now there is no way in the family, so there are many grievances between right and wrong.
The Tao is the position, and everyone's ordinal position is wrong.
This has led to many tragedies in the family.
As parents, there is only one thing we can bring to our children: nourishment!
Just like the land nourishes the trees, from a seed, slowly become a towering tree, slowly grow a forest!
Darwin's theory of evolution tells us an eternal truth: natural selection, survival of the fittest
Such a phenomenon is not only a family phenomenon of Ms. Xuan, but also a common disease of most young people of the right age!
Even if you don't have a good birth family, you can live a perfect life.
"One must make great strides forward, realize one's complete self, gain spiritual independence, respect one's own personality and desires, dare to venture into the unknown in order to live freely, and continue to mature in the mind and experience the highest realm of love."
We start a family and have children, not just to fulfill the wishes of others. By giving up our true selves, we cannot enter the highest realm of love.
Love in the highest realm must be an independent choice in a state of freedom, not a conformist.
It is not passive and passive to resist the call of the heart. - "The Road Few People Take"
The best love, in fact, has only three words: together.
The best promise is only three words: I accompany you.
Don't seek the ultimate brilliance, just be down-to-earth and stroll forward.
My ideal love is just eight words, not mixed with any factors.
Holding the hand of the son, growing old with the son.
We are together, not because you are in front of me, who you are, but I am in front of you, who I am, I can truly express myself, my joys and sorrows, my successes and failures, and so are you!
Enough is enough, enough is enough.
Where there are people, there is psychology, so psychology itself is a very practical science.
Psychological counseling, as an application of science, was originally for the public.
The formation of psychological problems is not a day or two, through professional assessment, diagnosis, its solution is unlikely to be a temporary and half-meeting thing, it requires a process.
Counseling is a paid consultation and requires an appointment in advance.
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About the author: Xiaoxian teacher
National second-level psychological counselor, tarot divinator, planetary energy ode bowl healer, free code word person, trainer.
The old soul who experiences love, the explorer of the road of life.
What matters: a psychologist who seriously loves life.
With limited text, write infinite possibilities!
Advocate the spiritual life with love as the essence, and feel the true meaning of life and the true meaning of life together!
I met you, and then I met myself! - Practical psychology
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