A few days ago, the news that Jiang Daniel was in love spread throughout the Internet, and the bean who was in the rising period was popular, and what was unknown was that he was actually an "otaku". A Korean variety show "It's Dangerous Outside the Quilt" has invited several "dead houses" in the entertainment industry to complete a chic reality show.
Even if you are not familiar with the Korean entertainment circle and do not know the following artists, the embarrassment of them when they look at each other in the show will definitely make you feel familiar.
Ginger Daniel likes to be at home with snacks when he rests, and he can read comics in the quilt for a day. Kim Min-seok loves to drink at home. Park Jae is lying on the bed looking at his mobile phone, and half a day can pass. Li Shangyu began to do housework at home without saying a word.
The funny thing is that when several otaku are forced to live under one roof, there is simply a large-scale social rollover accident, which makes the audience can't help but laugh.
Li Shangyu, the first to arrive at the house, hid in the quilt and did not want to go out of the room, and when he heard other people's movements on the phone with his wife, he only said, "Although there is someone next door, I may have to wake up tomorrow and greet him again." ”
The three guests plucked up the courage to gather a crowd to wake up Jiang Daniel, but after waking up, they could not say a word, dry like three large stones standing in place.
Sitting at the same table, one eating, the other in a daze, the air seemed to freeze.
During the holidays, I want to squat at home, friends are only in WeChat, my family has not been in touch for a long time, and entertainment mainly relies on mobile phones - such a life seems to be becoming more and more common among urban youth. I don't know why, many people take the initiative and spontaneously live themselves into an island, and going out and interacting with people seems to have become a very high threshold thing.
What I want to talk to you about today is this state of self-isolation – why are you increasingly reluctant to go out? And why, even if you feel most comfortable not going out at home and not seeing anyone, we still recommend that you make some changes to this.
<h1>01. What is a state of self-isolation? </h1>
Self-isolation is a state of self-selective and active isolation from other people and society. Self-isolated people prefer to stay at home alone most of the time, in addition to the necessary work, study and life necessities. Self-isolation is not a matter of a day or two, a week or two, but a long-term state.
Self-isolation is considered an unhealthy state because its essence is a negative self-hiding, which often involves avoidance and resistance to interpersonal interactions. One of its most important characteristics is that even if the self-isolated person firmly believes that "this is what I want" in the present moment, he will still feel empty and regretful when looking back.
The first reason that is inseparable from this is the rapid development of the Internet. The development of the Internet service industry has made life a reality without leaving home. Not only that, but online social networking can also make self-isolated people have the illusion that "I am not alone".
In addition, self-isolation also has a lot to do with the generally higher anxiety of people in this era and greater pressure to survive. The fast pace of life and high-intensity work leave us in a saturated and exhausting state almost every day. And because not only time and money, people's cognitive resources and physical strength are also limited, social networking is more like an additional burden for many people.
<h1>02. There are some misconceptions about our self-isolated villages</h1>
Myth 1:
People who live alone and don't like to socialize are self-isolated
Living alone is a concept that can easily be confused with self-isolation. Indeed, there are many things in common between the two, such as that most of the time the two are the result of self-selection and behave similarly to others - both rarely interact with people and feel like they are living in their own world. But in reality, they are not the same thing.
Unlike self-isolation, which is mixed with evasion and passive resistance, Solitude conveys more of a glory of being alone. This choice is based on an inner desire and need for solitude, which is usually based on the premise of fully "entering the world", in the process of full experience, trying to understand why such a life is not what you want, and then truly realizing the "birth".
The hearts of solitude people are always peaceful, even full, and the "isolated" life is precious and valuable to them. Self-isolation from escape is accompanied by feelings of remorse, emptiness, and shame.
Myth 2:
Self-isolation is because there are no friends, because of loneliness
The study found that there is no necessary link between loneliness and self-isolation. Subjective loneliness and objectively self-isolation do not necessarily occur at the same time.
In other words, those who choose to isolate themselves may have good social skills and have many friends; being lonely and having no friends does not mean that they will choose to isolate themselves "self-destructively" and simply do not get along with others at all.
Myth 3:
Having a rich social network on the Web is not self-isolation
Brushing the circle of friends, looking at Weibo, and being active in WeChat groups does not change the nature of a person's self-isolation, professor Brian Primack, who specializes in media, technology and health at the University of Pittsburgh, pointed out that online social networking can never be a substitute for face-to-face social networking. Research by him and his colleagues has found that face-to-face interpersonal interactions are beneficial to a person's physical and mental health. However, social networking that only stays online does not have such a function, and too much online social networking will even have the opposite effect.
In addition, if a self-isolated person interacts with people online because they feel lonely, then in the long run, the loneliness brought about by this lack of emotional connection with others and the world offline will not only not be offset by social interaction on the Internet, but will also make them feel more lonely.
<h1 class="ql-align-justify" >03. </h1>
A person who chooses to live himself as an island always has one reason or another:
"I don't have friends"
"I just like to be alone"
"I don't know where to meet people"
"I'm afraid of rejection"
"It's a hassle to go out to meet people, I'm too lazy to go out"
"I'm so tired I just want to lie at home alone"
"I have to work/study from home"
……
However, as mentioned earlier, even self-isolation does not necessarily come with subjective discomfort, and may even feel very comfortable in the moment or for a short time. But objectively, it does have a negative impact on us:
1. Self-isolation can damage our physical and mental health
Multiple studies have shown a strong correlation between self-isolation and depression and social anxiety. On the one hand, a person who has social anxiety or is tormented by depression has a greater probability of choosing to isolate themselves, when they believe that they have no ability or energy to face the outside world. But on the other hand, isolating yourself from the outside world for a long time can aggravate people's social anxiety and depression.
In addition, although it seems that a person staying at home has more time to sleep and rest, in fact, the quality of sleep for self-isolated people is worse. The researchers point out that this is because their schedule is often disordered — lack of exercise leads to nowhere to consume energy, difficulty falling asleep at night, and sleeping from day to afternoon.
Moreover, self-isolation not only increases the risk of diseases such as high blood pressure, high cholesterol and obesity, but also makes people feel weak in their bodies for a long time, whether this is an objective fact or not.
2. Self-isolation affects our self-esteem levels and distorts our self-perception
A large part of our perception of "what kind of person I am" comes from ourselves when we are with others and the feedback that others give us in social interactions. As Yohji Yamamoto said: "The 'self' thing is invisible, bumping into something else, bouncing back, will understand 'yourself'." "However, when we lose this part of the supplement to self-knowledge from the outside world, it will gradually become difficult for us to form a complete and relatively objective understanding of ourselves."
Similar to the relationship between self-isolation and depression and anxiety, there is also an interaction between self-esteem levels and self-isolation. People who are not confident enough in themselves are more likely to choose not to socialize, and staying away from social interaction for a long time will further reduce people's sense of self-worth. And, even people with normal levels of self-esteem, even high self-esteem, can affect their perception of self-worth due to the loss of connection to society.
3. Self-isolation gradually weakens our social relationships and emotional bonds
Those who are self-isolated close the door to themselves, but also to others who want to approach themselves and establish a connection with themselves. Over time, not only will no one take the initiative to approach them (think of people who have asked you out again and again, but you say "next time") but their own original social relationships will also be affected.
Because even the previous emotional connection with family and closest friends takes time and energy to maintain, not to mention the social relations that are more inclined to resource replacement.
<h1>04. How do you end your self-isolation? </h1>
Before talking about the method, there are two more things to emphasize:
First, not supporting self-isolation does not mean encouraging meaningless or redundant socializing
As a social phobia, I understand better than anyone the pain of being forced to socialize—forcing myself to chat among a group of people I don't know and aren't interested in, socializing for the sake of socializing. Not only is this kind of relationship with people meaningless, it is not something we would encourage. Socializing, which does not bring any value and happiness to ourselves, will deplete our energy a lot, make us more lonely and anxious, and more repulsive to socializing.
Second, being alone is beneficial in itself, and everyone needs time alone
Not being self-isolated doesn't mean going out every day and being with friends all the time. Time spent with oneself is very important and necessary, and the difference between it and self-isolation is whether this time is moderate.
Short, appropriate solitude can help us manage our emotions and allow us to think more calmly about problems and reflect on ourselves. Especially for introverts and highly sensitive people, solitude is one of the most important means for them to replenish their energy.
Having made the necessary clarifications, let's talk about how to start changing your "island" state:
a. Find at least one person who can stay connected offline
The first step to change can be to find even one person who can reconnect with you offline. This person is usually one of your closest and most trusted people, such as your family, or your best friend. You can meet once or twice a week, do some interesting activities together, and have meaningful communication.
You don't have to push yourself out of your comfort zone at the beginning, and you don't even have to force yourself to go out with the other person when you first try to do so, starting with the relatively simple invitation to come to the house. Still, inviting them to come to the house and fall on the couch together to play with their phones isn't much help.
b. Plan your schedule for your rest day
In order to avoid succumbing to inertia as soon as you have time to rest, and staying at home as you used to, you may need to plan your rest time well in advance from now on. Face-to-face time with friends and family, and time spent out, need to be a certain percentage of all your free time.
As you begin to meet friends and family again, and reconnect with the outside world, you can slowly increase the proportion of these things in your life while reducing the time spent on the sheer pastime of being alone at home. Instead, there should be activities that are really beneficial to themselves, promote self-improvement, and have long-term value.
c. Participate in a fixed offline group or community
In today's busy life, it is not easy to insist on squeezing out time to socialize and experience life. To do this, we can actively use group pressure – one person does something that does not have the motivation and perseverance, and a group of people together will make it easier to persevere.
Participating in an offline interest group, interest class or community with a high degree of activity that you are interested in can pray for the role of supervision and encouragement, so that the outing activity becomes a more ritualistic and more important thing.
Well, just now I have sent a message inviting friends who have not seen each other for a long time to go out on a spring trip together for the weekend. Although a little nervous, I was also vaguely looking forward to this long-lost weekend at home.
What about you? How are you going to spend your next rest day?
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