Bounded by 1996, Ma Xiaoling's life trajectory can be clearly divided into two parts.
Before that, she was a well-behaved girl who obeyed her parents' will, and was admitted to the industrial accounting major of Harbin Institute of Technology all the way from Guizhou, and after graduation, she was assigned to the finance department of the headquarters of the Ministry of Aviation. After that, she gave up the iron rice bowl, changed many jobs, slept on the construction site, and was hungry.
Later, she became a wandering singer, touched by strangers, and also gained inner peace and prosperity in music.
Now she's 47 years old, has had a failed marriage, has no children, has no stable job, and lives a life that isn't particularly successful in the secular sense.
But she feels like she has another level of "affluence," "I've been going the way I want to go." If you think about it, people do what they like, and they can survive on it, and I think this is a very happy thing in itself. ”
She's going to keep singing.
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Nine Faction News: When did you leave your original unit?
Ma Xiaoling: In 1991, when I was 17 years old, I was admitted to HIT majoring in industrial accounting, and after graduating in 1995, I went to the finance department of the headquarters of the Ministry of Aviation. I had to sign a contract after a year of work, but then I realized that life was not what I wanted and left.
Nine Schools News: Why say life there isn't what you want?
Ma Xiaoling: To be honest, I also went to college to fulfill my parents' wishes. Doing accounting is also a good job, but not a job I love. When something makes you not passionate enough, you're just getting it done.
At that time, I broke up with my boyfriend in college, and people kept introducing me to people, and I felt that I was being selected and introduced to me according to the conditions. It's weird to me, I feel depressed, and I like to live naturally.
Maybe this has something to do with my personality, and I asked myself, do I want to live like this for the rest of my life, from a small accountant to an old accountant. It's not the life I want, I feel like life is terrifying.
I want to go, I'm determined. I told my mom that I didn't want to live like this, I felt unhappy, I felt suffocated. My mom was very supportive, she loved me so much, bought me a suitcase, and I left.
Nine Schools News: Isn't your mother against it?
Ma Xiaoling: She knows me very well, and I have been relatively independent since I was a child. My parents worked in a factory in Zunyi, Guizhou, and when I was a child, I took the train to my hometown in Chongqing, and they didn't care about me.
Jiupai News: How do other family members and classmates see your choice?
Ma Xiaoling: I started taking leave of absence, and I didn't tell many people, but after almost a year I completely decided not to go back, and everyone thought this behavior was too terrible.
Nine Faction News: When I first resigned, what was life like?
Ma Xiaoling: At the beginning, I wasn't quite sure what I wanted to do, so I went to Guangzhou to find classmates, started from the field I was used to, and tried such work as marketing and administration.
Maybe my personality is particularly bad at managing relationships, I always feel that there is an office culture, I don't like that state, I feel tired. I like the state of being simple and free.
I kept changing jobs until I started singing.
Nine Faction News: Haven't you thought about going back?
Ma Xiaoling: No. In fact, there is another thing in the middle of the way, there may be some people who encounter this kind of thing and will go home, but I did not. Here's what happened, when I was robbed in Guangzhou, I fainted, broke my hand, and had two surgeries. At that time, I was working in a private company, and the leader said that you were very badly injured and could not work well, so he gave me his salary and found another person.
I didn't want to tell my mom that I was in the hospital, and I've always been a person who reports good news and no worries. But I really couldn't even take care of myself in the shower, so I had to ask her to take care of me.
No money, no job, no one to take care of, my mother advised me to go back, and ordinary girls may go back when they encounter this kind of thing, but I didn't. I'm not gambling, I just think it's not my character to turn back when I encounter something. I told her, you go back, I'll be fine.
But I lied to her. When she went back, my house was due, and I had no money and no place to live. Later, I lived on the construction site for a while, and when my hand injury was almost healed, I found a job and moved to the dormitory.
My personality is a bit stubborn, not the kind that has become very decadent in life. But I can't tell my mother these things, otherwise she will have to try desperately to persuade me to go back.
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Nine Schools News: When did you become interested in music?
Ma Xiaoling: I have been singing since I was a child, and every year I sing in the factory and school to organize literary and artistic activities. When I went to college, I kept singing and never stopped
When I was a kid, there was a choir that wanted to recruit me, but my mom didn't agree, they thought the culture class was important. My mother later regretted it, saying that she knew that I was going to go down this road, and she should let me become a professional.
Nine Schools News: How did you start on the road to being a singer?
Ma Xiaoling: Actually, as soon as I arrived in Guangzhou, I wanted to sing, which used to be one of my plans, but I didn't do it, I don't know what would happen if I did it. At that time, my salary was nearly two thousand yuan a month, and one day I saw in the newspaper that someone was recruiting a singer and went. They took me to the teahouse for an interview, collected more than six hundred intermediary fees, and ran away. Singing was delayed.
Nine Schools News: How did you become a singer later?
Ma Xiaoling: I arrived in Guiyang in 2001 and wanted to be closer to my mother. But before staying in Guangdong used to, after going back too cold to get sick, cold and fever has not been good. Seeing a doctor was very expensive, I brought a few thousand yuan at that time, and I had to rent a house, and the money ran out quickly.
Normal jobs don't get paid until the end of the month, but I can't wait. I'm going to fight for a job as a singer, and singing is a day-end, and I'm going to have money to collect right away.
I went knocking on the bar door one by one. In fact, this is a very silly behavior, that was the era of the agent, many bars were chartered, and the agent was responsible for arranging the performance. It is useless to find your own door, the boss is not responsible. I sang songs for free for a while, and for the bar, there was nothing wrong with having one more show, and I didn't have to give me money.
I've tried to borrow money from my classmates, but no one has lent it to me, and I probably think I can't do it yet. I understand.
That was my toughest time. Eat two steamed buns a day, eat a bowl of flour, and drink a lot of soup. I thought I could just find a place to manage my meal.
Nine Faction News: Found it?
Ma Xiaoling: Found it. One day I walked up to a Western restaurant and sang an English song to the owner. The owner says you sing well, but they have a poor business and can't afford to give money. I asked him how much he could give. He said I sang really well, they didn't put on a show, see if I can get better when I come. Give me a dinner and sing for 40 minutes for 15 bucks. I was so happy.
Nine Factions News: Do you feel humble?
Ma Xiaoling: I don't think there is any shame in me working hard for my own survival, and I am not saying that I am begging or doing bad things. Maybe it's a little humble in retrospect, but I didn't think of that at the time, I just thought that since I couldn't borrow money, I had to survive on labor.
Nine Schools News: Haven't changed any other industries since then?
Ma Xiaoling: Yes, there was no job that made me feel like singing before, and you never wanted to change it as soon as you did it. It's like the feeling of love at first sight between lovers, and as soon as you see this person, there is no one else in your eyes.
However, I started out as a resident singer, but then I got tired of being arranged and stopped singing. I was staying at different places, looking for a job as a singer.
Nine Schools News: When you determine the direction of your life, you are 30 years old, will you have age anxiety?
Ma Xiaoling: I seem to be a very strange person, I have always been very downplaying age, and I rarely worry about this matter. In fact, many people have stopped singing by the age of 30, and I seem to have just started.
I think that behind everyone's admiration for rejuvenation is that young people are more likely to make money. But for me, as long as I can live and support myself, I can sing until I am old. It just depends on what you want from life.
I recently started doing live broadcasting, and I often tell fans that when I am old and my hair is gray, if my hands are still flexible, I will hold the guitar and sing to you. I think it's romantic, I'm happy.
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Nine Schools News: What difficulties did you encounter in the later life of a singer?
Ma Xiaoling: All along, how much money is made, the field is stable and unstable, and the running field is put on a plane, and such difficulties are all there. I think every job has difficulties, so this can not be considered difficult, can only be said to be the norm, the normal state of life. If you encounter a problem, solve it.
Nine Schools News: What are some of the things that impressed you?
Ma Xiaoling: There are many things that have touched me particularly. I am now in Xi'an's Water Street, and one day an old grandmother came trembling and majestic. I thought she was going to pick up the waste, to pick up my water bottle, but she came up to me, threw a dollar in my bag, and then turned around and walked slowly to my oblique front, sitting and listening to the song.
My tears came out, I was particularly moved, maybe she will not even use the mobile phone to scan the code, will not tip, will not add a fan group to you or something. But she encouraged me in her way. I kept that dollar, and I felt very warm.
I often have well-meaning people bring me food. Once on "520", someone sent me a set of cosmetics, threw them down and left, and I don't even know who that person is now. Another time in Gansu, someone came to the scene to listen to my singing, put 200 yuan in the pocket next to me, told me to drink more water, and said that I was not easy. Probably afraid that I would refuse, he quickly said that I left first, and you refueled first.
These things make me feel very warm.
Nine Schools News: How has all these years of wandering life affected you?
Ma Xiaoling: I am working harder and harder, because I can survive in an environment that is not easy, I will work harder, and I know how to be grateful. I also became more relieved, experienced a lot of things that didn't go well, saw more clearly, and became more and more peaceful.
Nine Schools News: How are you living now?
Ma Xiaoling: Now it's okay, there are no big problems in life, although I have music to accompany me over the years, I have not been particularly smooth in terms of feelings, I have experienced a failed marriage, and I have no children. But I still believe in love, but if there is no suitable person, I will love myself.
There's one more thing that's been hard for me over the years. My mother died in 2004, and I had severe depression and autism and nearly committed suicide. At that time, I didn't mix well, didn't bring her a better life in terms of finances, I feel sorry, so many regrets crushed me.
My first song was written for my mom. One day I was walking in the park, wearing headphones, and I thought of my mom and wrote this song called "Missing", which is a warm clip between me and my mother.
The lyrics go like, "Time seems to go back to that summer, you look at my warm eyes on the balcony", because every year when I went back in college, she would always look at me from a distance on the balcony, waiting for me to go back.
"The night that walks quietly under the plane tree, you calmly hide your thoughts", that is every time I go back, after eating, I go for a walk with her, and chat slowly.
"I've been unable to get to the shore, I've been unable to get to the edge, I want to pull a network cable, to your world", feeling that children without mothers are drifting, can't get to the shore. Sometimes I think that if Heaven had a network cable, she would be there quietly listening to my live broadcast.
Nine Schools News: Have you considered your own pension problem?
Ma Xiaoling: I didn't worry, first I would buy social security, and then I now pay more attention to exercise, and I don't work. You see now all kinds of platforms can be live broadcast, live broadcast seems to have no age limit, just to see if you want to fight.
Nine Schools News: Do you unconsciously compare yourself with your classmates?
Ma Xiaoling: I didn't compare anything with my classmates. In fact, according to the current situation, many of my classmates are more successful than me, and they are quite rich in finance or futures. But I don't feel depressed, I think I'm also quite rich, I've always taken the path I want to go, although stumbling, but I still did what I liked, and I can survive on this. I think this is a very happy thing in itself.
Wuhan Morning Post reporter Qin Yuyu