Weather on 9 August: Rain
Today's work is tired to lie down, after eating in the evening has been nearly collapsed, turned his head to his wife and said: "Do you know the probability of two people becoming husband and wife?" ”
She said she didn't know.
I said: "The newspaper says that the two different properties meet and develop into friends, and then develop into lovers because of love, and finally eliminate all kinds of difficulties and obstacles plus zu Shang Jide, the grave smoke can enter the marriage, this probability is 0.10545 million, and the probability of our marriage is equivalent to winning the lottery jackpot 2 times." ”
My wife glanced at me: "There is a fart to put away!" ”
I said, "For the sake of our acquaintance, can you approve me to play 'King Pesticide' tonight?" ”
The wife actually happily agreed, saying that there was nothing that could not be done!
I was overjoyed, took out my mobile phone to pose for Ge You's paralysis, but I didn't expect that she didn't know where to find a leather whip and handed it to me: "Come, open the game stall on the table, you hit hard, you are polite." ”
Weather on 19 September: sunny
Drinking with Lao Wang today, I exchanged marriage experience with him, and I said that I could judge her mood from my wife's name for me, and answer accordingly.
Lao Wang's face was incredulous: "Such a god? ”
I said triumphantly:
When my wife called me: "Honey~"
The tail note is long and the tone is affectionate.
I don't have to get up and can stay the same from the nasal cavity to pronounce: "Huh? ”
She asked, "How's my makeup today?" ”
I replied, "There is no more beautiful woman in the world than you." ”
When my wife called me: "Husband~"
The tone is loose and the tone is pleasant.
I replied easily, "Wife, what's the matter?" ”
She'll say, "Help me open the lid of the can."
I replied politely, "Okay." ”
When my wife called me: "Old Liu~"
The tone is tough and the tone is rude.
I had to step forward and cautiously reply, "What's the matter?" ”
"It's too cold tonight, you go to bed first and cover up."
"Okay."
When my wife called me: "Liu Yingming! ”
The tone was strange, and the tone smelled of gunpowder.
At this time, we must immediately answer with sonorous and forceful: "Wife, I am wrong, I will correct it immediately!" ”
She would be speechless.
After I finished speaking, Lao Wang looked at me with a look of adoration and said, "It seems that my dog is also like this." ”
Weather on 311 2: overcast
I was buzzing after the Apple X pre-sale.
My wife found the signs and promptly carried out ideological education and value guidance on appropriate occasions such as eating, bathing, and sleeping, which basically eliminated my motivation to buy and the idea of engaging in private money.
But today, a package from my wife arrived, and I opened it and looked at the document, a pair of UGG snow boots worth 3800 yuan!
Too unkind to the morality of husband and wife!
My face turned green and I exclaimed, "Didn't you say that the main contradiction in our family is the contradiction between soaring prices and backward incomes?" Doesn't it mean to eat meat in a hard and simple way? ”
The wife shook her head bitterly: "After careful study, I found that now our main contradiction has changed, into a contradiction between the growing need for a better life and unbalanced development." ”
"Does this have anything to do with you?"
"What is the good life?" Wear your favorite shoes and walk on the sunshine avenue spiritually, which is called a good life. In order to balance development, as the only female representative of the family to get rid of poverty, I have to make myself beautiful first. ”
I stayed like a wooden chicken and did not sleep at night for a long time, and this lesson must be taken in notes, and I have really suffered a great loss if I do not strengthen the study of current politics.
41 December Weather conditions: Blizzard
On this most critical day of resignation and newhood, I thought I must seize the opportunity to reform the division of chores, so I drank two or two drinks, shot up, and demanded that the chores be redivided.
My wife is probably frightened by me, and her tone is very gentle: "Liu Yingming, in fact, the work you have been undertaking all along to wash dishes and mop the floor, cleaning and washing is really hard, and I think it should be paid according to the amount of billing." ”
I hurriedly asked, "How to pay?" ”
"Wash a bowl 5 corners, brush a pot for 1 yuan, chopsticks a pair of 1 corner, a spoon for 2 corners, drag the ground for 3 yuan, clean the room for 5 yuan, dry a bucket of clothes for 3 yuan, what do you think?"
I pinch my fingers, so that I can buy a few more packs of good cigarettes a month, accumulate less into more, and in the long run, the purse can bulge. I said, "Deal! ”
My wife looked at me and said, "Don't worry, for the sake of fairness, I will cook this part, and you will also pay you."
The cost of buying a dish is 10 yuan, the cost of fuel is 10 yuan, the cost of manual labor is 15 yuan, the cost of high heel wear is 20 yuan, and the cost of sun protection is 25 yuan.
Cut vegetables are always 3 yuan per plate, if you need to cut hard objects such as chicken, duck and goose or pork knuckle ribs, it is 10 yuan per plate.
Stir-fry a meat dish 20 yuan, a vegetarian dish 10 yuan, a soup 8 yuan, if you need to require the production of Sichuan Dian Yue Lu and other cuisines, then increase the 30 yuan a la carte fee, in the process of cooking, also pay my occupational hazard protection fee, fume erosion fee, beauty compensation fee... ”
I hurriedly covered her mouth: "Don't say wife, everything remains the same, I was just drunk nonsense, don't take it seriously!" ”