Author: Xue Wenxi Editor: Jia Fangfang
Source: Journal of Marriage and Family (ID: hunyinyujiating99)
01
Good couples are good "marriage partners"
Someone once asked me, "What is the nature of marriage?" ”
I think it is most appropriate to borrow the view of the economist Xue Zhaofeng in "Strange Story", he believes that marriage is like two people running a partnership. It sounds like a relationship of exchange of benefits, but marriages that tend to go long distances have a deep understanding of this "cooperative relationship".
For married women, the first three years of life will be particularly difficult. Suddenly from a girl to a mother, the child needs to be taken care of almost 24 hours a day, and various emergencies make the new mother busy. If you come from generation to generation to help with children, there are more contradictions. After surviving the first six months, I returned to the workplace and began the dilemma of working mothers and taking care of the family.
Whether the first three years of having a child are chicken flying and dog jumping, or whether they are successfully passed, depends entirely on the division of labor and tacit understanding between the husband and wife.
In the movie "82 Years of Kim Ji-young", Kim Ji-young became a housewife after getting married, and her husband Zheng Daxian was also willing to share the housework with her, and he would rush back to accompany the children as soon as possible after work, so that his wife had free time to rest.
It is such a husband who is distressed by his wife, when his wife has symptoms of depression, he runs to the psychiatric department for consultation, he can't understand, the wife is just at home to see the children, why she has depression.
When Zhiying was sick, Zheng Daxian said: "You can rest again, and wait until the child grows up." It is this sentence to see the child is to rest this sentence poked Ate Kim Ji-young.
Her daily job is to wash clothes at home, clean up, clean up the children's toys, bathe the children, cook the family's meals... When the child is two years old, Kim Ji-young wants to go out to work, and Jeong Dae-hyun is also willing to take parental leave to support his wife. Unfortunately, he was opposed by his mother-in-law, believing that it would ruin his son's future.
As a result, Jin Zhiying's career was so ruined, in front of her family, her dream was not worth mentioning at all. However, in a wonderful family, everyone's value should be recognized. The husband earns money to support the family, and the wife takes care of the children to take care of the family's affairs is a contribution to the family, and this kind of payment is often the most easily ignored.
A good partner should be the accelerant of each other's lives, he will see your value and fulfill your dreams. Just like Yang Dai and Qian Zhongshu, they understand each other, see each other, and support each other.
Some people say that whether a marriage is good or not depends on whether marriage makes us a better version of ourselves. A good pair of marriage partners will see each other's value in marriage and family, and constantly improve their self-worth.
02
Marriage ends up being a community of interests
I've seen a story like this:
One morning, before the husband went out, he instructed his wife to hide the medicines in the house so that their young children would not take them by mistake, and the wife agreed.
However, soon after the husband went to work, he received a call from his wife, saying that the child was playing greedily, flipped to the drug and was mistakenly ingested, and had been sent to the hospital for rescue.
The husband immediately rushed to the hospital, and outside the rescue room, the husband saw his wife who was crying into tears, and he said to her: "It's all right, there I am." Just one sentence calmed his wife's heart, which represented the attitude of the two people to go side by side and face difficulties and problems together.
In reality, when encountering such a situation, both men and women may say: "Let you put away the medicine, you don't put it away, is there such a stupid thing as you?" "The wife in the story does have a big mistake, but no matter how much insults are not helpful, it will set off a storm again." You know, it's stupid to engage in "infighting."
Infighting, also known as "internal friction", refers to a group of people working together, but instead of cooperating with each other, they dismantle each other, and the combined strength of this group of people is less than the sum of individual forces. The price of internal friction is that a matter could have been handled well, but the two sides were not in agreement and disagreed, which led to a very bad situation.
Marriage is the same, only two people work together and move towards a common goal, can they live a good life.
If they engage in "infighting", their eyes are not on running a good marriage and family, but only on how to win over each other. They spend all their energy blaming and complaining about each other, turning the family into a battlefield for marriage.
At the end of the day, husband and wife are communities of interest. Both parties are in a strong sense of teamwork, and the possibility of the family falling apart is very small. So, finding a good partner and then building your own marriage like a construction company is one of the important conditions for happiness.
03
Is a "partner", but also a "comrade-in-arms"
A good marriage is like a partnership to open a company, and the responsibility and risk are shared, but in my opinion, marriage is not just as simple as a partnership "opening a company", marriage is a comradeship that can be lived.
Someone said that marriage is about Ultraman fighting a little monster, especially after having children.
It's like playing a game in a team, you can't just blame your teammates for not being strong enough, but you have to work together between husband and wife to defeat all kinds of little monsters in marriage and get the happiness you want.
Since friends Andy and her husband had children, they were more and more like comrades in the same trench.
When the child is crying and hungry, Andy changes the child's diaper, and the husband takes the initiative to help make milk powder;
When the child is sick, Andy runs up and down to pay the fee, and the husband plays with the baby to soothe the baby's emotions;
When bathing the child, when the child resists and refuses to cooperate, the husband takes the toy to distract the baby's attention;
When cooking, Andy can't open his body to take care of the children, he takes the initiative to play with the children;
……
For Andy, her husband is like his right-hand man, more like a reliable comrade-in-arms. On the road of raising a family with a baby, two people rely on each other and be each other's strongest backing, and the goal is to take care of the baby and take care of the family.
Good marriage is like this, I will always be behind you to help you when you need me; when you can't do anything about it, help in time. Two people face the hardships and difficulties in life together, understand each other, share each other, have the same goal, have the same belief, work together, and overcome all difficulties.
Husbands and wives are partners, but also comrades-in-arms, not only have a clear division of labor, each performs their duties well, but also cooperates together, fights side by side to face the difficulties of life, and upgrades and fights monsters all the way to feel the sweetness of life, which is to give each other the warmest reliance and the most down-to-earth sense of security.