Two years, two full years.
The last time I saw such a big bad movie in the cinema with such a noisy gong and firecrackers, it was "Shanghai Fortress" that redefined the date of "0809".
After that, the market for bad films languished, and no more epic masterpieces were found that would unify the reputation of all audiences.
So much so that when I heard that "Turandot: The Origin of the Spell" was finally about to be released, my heart was as excited and impatient as the movie bloggers who had been lonely for two years.
I admit I read it knowingly.
Oriental fantasy, Chinese and Western actors, a handful of international celebrities with hot search list resident flowers, revealing a unique local arrogance of big bad films.
Coupled with the title of this Sleeping Beauty mixed with the white snake, each link seems to announce a "rotten" word.
It also lived up to expectations and brought new hope to the backwater rotten film market.
To be precise, it brings new hope to the bad film review market.
If there is no such movie, Hu Jun, who was still obediently acting in "Chosin Lake" a while ago, would not leave a precious image of naked upper body wearing crotch pants;
Before Turandot appeared, Guan Xiaotong's position in the film critics could only rely on the bitter support of "Half of the Moon Alice", and the degree of rot was OK, but the loss was silent.
There are also people who represent the work of eye shadow.
Now it is different, a "Turandot" directly into the final round, and "Shanghai Fortress" and called the husband and wife scrap film.
The careers of the little couple have finally achieved go hand in hand, and no one will drag their feet.
As the saying goes, the best part of a bad movie is the comment area, which is not a lie.
Every masterpiece that sucks out of style and level is actually a semi-finished product when it is released.
Be sure to add the performance art of netizens "going to see bad movies in order to evaluate bad movies" to be complete.
It's like finally finding meaning for the act of spending money on bad movies, it's like finally finding an outlet for your swearing talent.
The more rotten it is, the easier it is for the audience to be stimulated by unlimited creative enthusiasm and write countless small essays with remarkable literary brilliance.
So some people say that if you miss the 3.0 points of "Asura" and give up the 2.9 points of "Shanghai Fortress" because of your good taste in the movie, then don't miss the opportunity to witness the canonization of "Turandot".
In the future, it will become famous in the history of bad films, and your name will be on the merit book.
To put these comments together, it is a natural talk show.
The scribblers grind their rusty mouths here, happy as if they were in advance of the New Year.
And thanked our tǔ-lān duo princess for bringing the joy of this two-year-old carnival of the whole network.
Yes, that's what is read in the movie: tǔ-lān duo.
Pay attention to continuous reading, tongue flipping fast, and ending with lighter radio.
We don't know why the people of the Great Khanate, who speak Mandarin, want to pronounce the three words "Turandot" out of the temperament of the last century's translation.
Maybe it's to match the foreignness of the cast, but if you think about the tough guy Hu Jun with his trademark expression of picking the corner of his left mouth, saying that he wants to marry tǔ-lān duo.
It's hard to say whether it's foreign or not, but I did feel the demonic atmosphere coming from the movie theater seat that broke through the screen.
If you don't say that the netizens are intimate, I am still bored by this accent, but they have heard the director's good intentions in it earlier:
This tǔ-lān duo is not "Turandot", but "Spit! rotten! hide!!! ”
I seriously suspect that they are actually selfish, after all, if I really listen to them and avoid this masterpiece, if nothing else, I will lose half of my happiness this October.
First of all, the styling alone has made me dry up the emoji material library for a long time.
Jiang Wen combed the same small bangs and tied up small golden braids, redefining for us what is called "hemp bandit".
The bandit who combs the braid.
France sprayed roses Sophie Marceau, a face that walked all over the world invincible.
Coming to the magical big screen in China, I finally experienced the taste of a soft and beautiful skin that grinds wrinkles and the bridge of the nose together.
Netizens have given a thumbs up to this, and the French Yatou Sect has officially opened, successfully realizing another cultural output.
The heroine Guan Xiaotong, our tǔ-lān duo princess, has opened an evil door for the artistic expression form that combines East and West.
For a moment, he was dressed in pink veil and wearing a garland, as if he had strayed into mount Olympus.
After a while, he put on the armor again, and Cos Mulan fought with people everywhere.
However, some people racked their brains to find an explanation for this: it may be because they are both lanzi from the east.
After a while, the princess rolled her eyes again, painted a small face like a flower, and at first glance her hairstyle looked like Chatting Zhai, and her face looked like a vampire when she looked closely.
The two styles are entangled, and the reason behind it is heartwarming: this is to carry out the artistic mission of combining Chinese and Western to the end.
And that's not all. The princess also had a set of key shapes, which looked like she had pulled half of her clothes off Mei Chaofeng and Zhou Zhiruo's bodies.
Even this slim jade hand that had been cursed with red, yellow and blue was like going out with the Nine Yin White Bone Claw Master.
Some viewers were overwhelmed after watching the movie, thinking about it for half a day, and then carefully classified this masterpiece as a martial arts film.
"Seeing it, Zheng Xiaolong wants to shoot Jin Yong."
Speaking of director Zheng Xiaolong, I have to mention the "Biography of Zhen Huan", which dominated the emoji industry in those years.
To the blessing of Tuo Huan Huan, for the vast number of moviegoers, director Zheng Da still has some feelings on his body.
In their imagination, since the lady shoots well, the princess should not be bad.
Who would have thought that Zheng Dao would take Jiang Wen's hand and come to translate what is a surprise for everyone.
Some viewers were shocked by this surprise and tears fell: "The beauty of the apricot blossoms and the slight rain that year, I paid off this movie ticket." ”
Some viewers also cried, but after knowing the truth, they laughed and burst into tears: the three brothers watched the growth of the long rise, and Sun promised to be martyred after watching it.
A god's work that is upside down and does not know what the heavens and the earth are.
The story told in this movie is as varied and full of surprises as the actors' looks, and cannot be accurately defined in just one sentence.
You could say it was "a bloody case caused by a hole."
Xiao Gongju was tripped by the hole on the map, and her proud father, who wore braids, decided to destroy the country in the cave.
Unsurprisingly, the male protagonist is the little prince who escaped from the cave country.
After a bloody battle, the male and female protagonists cursed amnesia to a set, love and hate.
The cursed heroine needs someone to answer three questions to get back to normal, and if she can't answer them, the answerer will have to die.
The male protagonist who has lost his memory answers the question for love, and as a result, half of the answer is restored, so he gives up saving the heroine and floats away.
It is this hole that identifies the only country on the map that has not yet surrendered to the braid.
It can also be said that it is a big production that publicizes the main theme of fireworks and firecrackers, one of the four major inventions of the ancient country of the East.
Not only is the blonde male protagonist obsessed with the fireworks production process, but even the final showdown between the positive and negative factions, the core weapon is fireworks.
The only bug may be that this fancy and lively fireworks craft is unlikely to have been done in the ancient times when Turandot lived.
So someone raised a reasonable suspicion: "Honestly, is this firework from the Weasley Magic Trick next door?" ”
It can also be said that this is a QQ space earthy literary award, after all, the name of the male protagonist is "blue eyes", and when he confesses, he also has to cue himself:
"My eyes are like a little blue flower, the name is called, don't forget me."
But this confused blue eyes, with Shi Chengzhang Sanfeng's soaring little tugging, don't forget me, sorry the audience just wants to forget you after watching it.
It can even be said that this is a big movie of color blind patient care.
The symptom of Princess Turandot's curse was that she became colorblind.
The world she saw in her eyes was like this ↓↓↓
Good guys, which hospital looks at this effect does not want to hire a Turandot, X-ray machine equipment money can save and open a few more branches.
It is worth pondering that after watching this colorblind visual effect, I think about the sword training scene of the male and female protagonists in a large section of the Tomb Sect, that is, the kind of slow motion in which you have a sword, I have a sword, and we both circle together——
I can't imagine what kind of face the blue eyes in Turandot's eyes really look like;
I couldn't figure out how she had a deep affection for this face that couldn't see her eyes and nose.
Xu Zhisheng once knew that color blindness is a kind of jiǒ disease.
But Turandot, who is suffering from jiǒ disease, has a good father, and under the order of Jiang Wen, he used the strength of the whole country to find a cure for jiǒ disease - answering questions and inviting relatives.
The doctor will cry when he sees it, and Zhisheng will be silent when he sees it.
If he also has a good father with twisted braids, he still needs to talk about talk shows.
Zhang Mazi, who had stood in goose town to earn money, was as weak as a big fool in Turandot's palace.
The great villain Hu Jun carried a knife and went to force the palace, saying that I have the body of King Kong that is not bad, and if you are a brother, you will come to cut me, and if you cut me, I will not force the palace.
Jiang Wen did not believe in this evil, took the ancestral treasure sword, and paced at a slow and leisurely small pace to cut it.
As a result, the knife went down and the person was fine, and the knife was open. Forcing the palace to end here.
Seeing that I want to suggest that Jiang Wen don't take the knife, just use your pair of hard gold braids to throw him in the face, it is estimated that it is better than this broken knife.
The most amazing thing is that this paragraph makes me doubt the forced palace drama of life, or the "Jiang Wen HuJun Tough Guy Showdown Famous Scene" cut out by the film side to focus on publicity.
The dignity of being an audience makes everyone agree with the last two words: it can be said that it is a dark scene.
Let's put it this way, but if the screenwriter can learn two tricks in the short evaluation area, this story can't be told so absurdly.
For example, in the section of tough guy duels, if you change your mind and develop in the direction of "the arrogant old emperor and his mangy little general", at least two stars can rise.
The joy of watching such masterpieces lies in this, you can never imagine how many strange passages the audience can hold out in order to comfort their wounded hearts.
In fact, this is also a big test for the producer.
A script that is clearly to be pounced on, if it can find another way, to avoid the advantages to the greatest extent, amplify the shortcomings, and stimulate the enthusiasm of the audience to complain;
There is still hope to stand on the shoulders of the strip and upgrade from "bad film of the year" to "comedy of the year".
Although there are two months left this year, as far as the current situation is concerned, "Turandot" has already won the championship ahead of schedule.
One of its excellent points is that the actor's coffee position is large enough, the popularity is high, and there is no threshold for recognition when spitting up the groove;
The second is that all the lightning points are rough and straightforward, and a glance can make everyone get the rotten spirit.
It not only ensures the strong creative desire of netizens, but also does not produce any controversy.
But if you are an ordinary audience with a psychological endurance, it is still recommended that you do not take this risk and spend money to go to the cinema to see the film.
Anyway, the plot is just like that, some netizens have written the most concise and straightforward and soul-touching movie summary for you ——
The ticket money is not less.
Instead of spending money to go in and stay up for two hours to have fun, look directly at the comments section.
Writing this, I opened the watercress again and glanced at this long-lost grand situation.
As far as the kung fu of a manuscript is concerned, the 3.7 points of the opening screenshot have become 3.6.
The situation was very good, and I seemed to have seen countless new passages open their arms towards me.