Wen | elite parents (the original article, the copyright belongs to the author, welcome to forward and share)
Huan Huan is two years old, is a cute and beautiful little girl, her mother is always particularly proud and proud, and she loves her daughter more and more. One day the mother took Huan Huan to the playground to play, this is the first time to take the child to such a place, Huan Huan seems to be a little uncomfortable, especially for the high slide, smaller than Huan Huan children play happily, but Huan Huan is very timid, sitting in the ball pool is not willing to climb up. Her mother repeatedly encouraged Huan Huan, but Huan Huan was still unwilling, and finally Huan Huan cried.
"Mom, I'm scared, I don't want to slip." Huan Huan cried and said.
Mom was disappointed, even a little angry, "What's so terrible, you see how brave my brother is." ”
Mom forcibly carried Huan Huan to the slide and slid smoothly and safely to the end.
Huan Huan did not get happy, but was more aggrieved, "Mom, Mom, I want to go home, I am afraid." ”
At this time, the mother suddenly feels self-blame and shame, thinks that she loves the child, but feels angry when the child is not brave, and once the child cannot satisfy the mother's vanity, the mother's love is gone, what a terrible thing.
Parental love should be selfless and unconditional, but in fact, many parents love their children with requirements and conditions attached. "If you don't obey well, you won't love you." "If you don't study well, you won't love you." Similar words are not often seen in some families. Conditional love means that only after doing what the parents ask and expect, or meeting some of the standards set by the parents, can the child get the love of the parents. Conditional love is undesirable and has a lot of adverse effects on children.
■ Conditional love often does not make a child truly excellent
(1) Control the child
Many parents are accustomed to threatening their children, and once the child disobeys or makes a mistake, he uses hurtful words to "intimidate" the child, "You are not allowed to cry, and if you cry again, I will not want you." Or deny the child by refusing to communicate with the child in a neglectful way, and use the child's fear of abandonment to control the child." Such an approach will only make the child become sincere and fearful, and cannot really pay attention to the mistakes and problems he has made, and the child will not be able to correct and master the method of solving things in time.
(2) Expectation preset
It's also typical of a conditional love, "You have to score a hundred on an exam to play on weekends." "You have to eat well to buy you toys and snacks." Parents love obviously children, but let children feel that parents love grades and be well-behaved, sensible and obedient. Children think that learning is for their parents, eating is for their parents, and doing everything well is only for their parents. Then, naturally, the child cannot become truly excellent.
(3) There is something to be rewarded
Hard work for children to study requires children to be admitted to prestigious universities; hard work to raise children to grow up, requiring children to be filial to their parents when they are older. Parents want to get emotional rewards, that is, to love their children conditionally. Deliberately move the child, let the child doubt their own value, form an unhealthy self-evaluation, and even lose trust in the parents, if the child does not trust the parents, will he still believe in other people, can he still trust the world, how can the child be willing to work hard.
It is instinctive for children to be grateful to their parents, and should not be an additional condition for parents to love their children. Children who want to succeed and want to be excellent should also be for the purpose of realizing their self-worth in life, not something that is forced to do based on the conditional love of their parents. Love children, should be unconditional, only unconditional love, in order to make children more and more beautiful.
■ What is true "unconditional love?" ”
Freud said: Children who grow up in the infinite love of their mothers will always have the emotions of a conqueror, that is, a strong sense of self-confidence, a belief that they can succeed, and in fact it is indeed easier to succeed in life than others.
This means that children who are loved are more confident, and children who lack love from an early age will be more inferior. The love we speak of here is unconditional love.
Unconditional love means that parents should be fully receptive to their children, without any conditions, whether they are advantages or disadvantages. The child is beautiful or ugly, the child is cute or naughty, the child is obedient or disobedient, the child succeeds or fails, as always, and loves the child without changing the original intention. Let children feel the sense of security given by their parents, so that they can dare to tell their parents about anything, and feel that there is warmth in home under any circumstances.
Unconditional love is not demanding of the child but will still teach the child well, unconditional love, is not to control the child but maintain good communication and exchange. Do not take the name of "good for you" to manage the child, nor will you spoil the child; trust and respect the child's ideas, and give the child certain advice in time.
All in all, love children only because they love their children, not for the face of their parents, nor for the so-called future, care for and understand their children, establish a good and healthy parent-child relationship, cultivate children's excellent qualities, and let children thrive. To do this, parents need to keep the following points in mind.
■ Parents can do this in order to make their children more excellent
Give your child unconditional love and build your child's sense of security
Children will have one or another shortcomings and bad problems, parents should first accept the child, identify with the child, let the child not be afraid, let the child become brave. The unconditional love given by parents gives children a full sense of security, and will not do it because they are afraid of making mistakes, and they will not insist on it because they fail.
Can help children learn to control and accept negative emotions, more able to deal with negative emotions without being controlled by them, can let children do this is the unconditional love of parents.
Give your child unconditional love and cultivate your child's self-confidence
Timely understanding of the child's behavior, timely satisfaction of the child's needs, the face of the child's bad and anger can be controlled and managed, can promote the establishment of the child's self-confidence, the strong backing of the parents and the love as always, so that the child can have sufficient thinking space for problems and mistakes, so as to make correct judgments and answers.
Give your child unconditional love, so that your child knows how to love and be loved
Parental unconditional love, let the child determine that he is good enough, let the child know that everyone is a unique individual, he deserves to be loved, he respects himself and will respect others, he will not have an inexplicable sense of guilt and will not casually anger others. Be able to love yourself well, and when you grow up, you will know how to love your family and children.
Give your child unconditional love and let your child bravely face difficulties
Unconditional love makes children emotionally stable, full of responsibility and compassion, positive and optimistic, no matter what difficulties they encounter, they can face it well. He is not afraid of failure, he is not afraid of setbacks, because his parents give him the greatest encouragement and support, so that he can understand the valuable meaning of persistence and strength, and every step he takes can be solid and powerful.
I love you, I love you as you are, I see you full of joy, any troubles can disappear, this is the appearance and state of parents loving their children.
Love is instinctive, comes from the heart, so it should be unconditional. Pay more attention to the child, understand the child more, help the child more, whether the child is well-behaved and obedient, or constantly create trouble for the parents, should continue to love unconditionally. Only by giving children unconditional love can this love be full of strength, is the driving force for children to be excellent, and can children have a sound personality. May every parent be consistent, gentle, and give their children unconditional love.
Today's Interactive Topic: How Do You Love Your Children? How does everyone understand unconditional love? Welcome to leave a message to discuss.
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