Men after marriage are like a mystery, especially after having children.
Don't know how many of your guys won?
Author | Coke Mom
In life,
Many dads often have a kind of confidence.
When faced with a mad mother,
They always have words:
"Your method is not right, of course the child will not listen to you!"
"Isn't it just a baby?" Is it that hard? ”
As soon as I got on the field,
Only to find out,
The collapse of adults,
Often in an instant.
Some time ago,
A father in Kunshan, Jiangsu Province,
Suddenly, he lay down on the road full of people,
Until the police lifted him up,
Ask him what's wrong,
Only then did he choke up and say:
"My daughter said 800 minus 700 equals 900."
and said,
I'd rather go to jail,
I don't want to help my child with homework anymore.
Hahahahahahaha
After reading this news,
Can't help but ask,
What kind of fragile and confused species is a middle-aged man?
So
Today we specially invited an experienced mother,
Boldly expose the three major strengths of this year's father,
Let's take a feel for it!
The Mystery of Middle-Aged Dad's Body:
Buddies party and drink all night, and the children are thin when they are brought
Q: Can you briefly evaluate your child's father?
Where do I have children and fathers?
There's just one old mom and her two bad boys,
Before marriage,
I see him using the gym as a sight,
Every day selfie punch card to bask in the abs.
I thought this man is really not bad,
His arm is strong,
His chest is wide and mighty,
Isn't this my life partner?
The future depends.
Afraid of being pinched by others,
Divide him by two with three strokes.
But who knew that his heart was so heavy,
Just married me into the door,
It exposes the original face...
Q: Huh? What do you mean by that?
Since getting married,
He began to grow fat quietly.
Until I had a baby,
Finally "amazing" everyone:
A good handsome guy is suddenly fat as two,
Height 180,
Weight 180,
Live fat into a square,
Not only that,
The bones of the body are not as good as before.
Q: It is said that after giving birth,
A lot of couples will be affected by that aspect...
ah
Where do you want to go.
I mean, since I had a baby,
The husband's various organs began to be intermittently lost
The original function has been removed.
Like what
After eating you let him wash the dishes,
Wait a minute
Go into the kitchen and take a look,
He really only washed the dishes,
The bottle soaked in the pool,
and a spoon stained with his son's saliva,
He didn't even look.
As long as he's playing with his phone,
No matter how loud the son in the crib cries,
He was like he couldn't hear at all.
Another example,
Sometimes let him look at the child for a while,
I'm going to take care of the work.
outcome
Just turned on the computer,
The husband came with the child in his arms,
Hurriedly shoved the child into my arms:
"No way,
I had to go to the bathroom first. ”
It was hard to get out of the toilet,
I want him to read picture books to his children,
Haven't read two lines yet,
He began to dazzle again with headaches and hand cramps,
Nothing can turn the page,
Pretending to be sick hides on the couch to play with mobile phones.
He also became particularly squeamish.
Feeling a bit of a bubble,
Body temperature can be measured 20 times a day.
Season change coughed a few times,
Just send me a WeChat message saying that I suspect I have some serious illness.
He was guilty of hemorrhoids,
The doctor suggested simply cutting a hundred.
Before doing surgery,
He cried and wrote his will.
After the surgery,
I poked my ass at home for more than a week.
Drink water in a moment,
I'm going to eat apples in a moment,
I don't think he was so pretentious when I had a baby.
I finally understand now,
The whole person of the man after marriage is a mystery:
Buddies party and drink all night,
Stay up late to watch the ball in good health,
A chicken with a child becomes weak,
If you catch a cold, you have to go back to the west!
The Mystery of The Brain Circuits of Middle-Aged Dads:
What's not to do, add chaos to the first place
Q: You can give your child's father a little more opportunities to exercise.
I gave!
Each time he swore to me:
"Rest assured."
Later I understood in tears,
Never easily believe a man's commitment.
The subtext of "rest assured" is actually:
Before going out,
You ask him to accompany the child to write his homework for a while,
Less than 5 minutes,
I can get a call from him —
"Where is the word book?"
"Are ancient poems written silently?"
"How many pages did you write in the workbook?"
But even so,
When you get home, you will still find that
It's not full of mistakes,
It is simply a subject that I forgot to write.
He also inexplicably angered you:
"You don't make it clear,
How would I know? ”
Q: If you don't want your dad to do some auxiliary work first,
Gradually getting used to working with a baby?
Can't adapt!
Overtime on Fridays,
Let him pick up the child and take him home.
The time and place after school are clearly explained to him,
Also typing sent to him with WeChat,
Take care of him:
"This time you can have a snack!"
But after a while he started to bombard with voice again,
Said that after waiting for half a day, I did not see any trace of my son,
I took a look at the picture he sent me.
Tell him:
"What are you doing at the door of the middle school?"
Opposite is your son's elementary school! ”
At this moment,
I found myself too naïve.
How can you expect your husband to take his words to heart,
He had no heart at all!
Q: Didn't Dad make any positive contributions to the family?
Of course!
Every time I teach my children,
His father's love exploded.
I yelled at the child,
He stood up:
"Why are you so grumpy every day?"
As soon as I forbade children to play with mobile phones,
He jumped out again:
"I'm so tired of studying every day,
What's wrong with relaxing for a while? ”
Through his unremitting efforts,
Now the child takes him as his father,
Looking at me is like looking at the stepmother!
Can defeat the big pig's hooves,
Only bear children
Q: It seems that the child's father usually lets you worry less!
Isn't.
Middle-aged dads this group,
You let him do the housework
They are best at selective blindness and intermittent hearing impairment,
You let him take a baby,
He looped three classic quotes:
"I won't."
"He's not with me."
"You didn't say that!"
You think that conquering a man is by being sweet and coddled.
After marriage,
Only to find out that the biggest enemy of the middle-aged father,
It's actually the bear child at home.
Q: What about that?
There was a math test,
The son went home with a 65-point test paper,
I am heartbroken,
Prepare to enroll your child in a class,
The husband of the polytechnic man waved a big hand:
"There's a ready-made one at home, what's the waste of that money for?"
Say it,
Patting my chest to assure me,
The child's math will be handed over to him later.
Never expected,
Half an hour has passed,
The old father spits on the stars and flies,
The bear child was still confused.
Obviously it is a biological baby,
The IQ is like a charge to send.
At last
The husband was so angry that his face was also crooked,
The mouth is also scooped,
Grab my hand
Say anything to buy me a gold bracelet,
A handful of snot and a handful of tears,
Sigh I usually really don't have easy.
And what's even funnier!
I remember this year's Father's Day,
The husband ran early in the morning to hint at his son:
"Son,
Do you remember what day it was today? ”
The son looked at him with excited eyes,
Expectantly:
"Yes... clear and bright
Is it Tomb Sweeping Day again? ”
Q: Hahahahaha, our interview is coming to an end,
Do you have anything else to say to your sisters?
A few final words,
Sisters,
Middle-aged dads are destined to be one of the most elusive creatures in the world.
Their bodies and brain circuits are a mystery.
And often dismantle the stage and add chaos,
But even so,
You can always rest assured that you will have your back to him.
Because you know,
The man who fell in love at first sight was him,
The person standing at the door of the delivery room with red eyes was him,
He was the one who fought side by side on the parenting road and never stepped back.
A hundred years of repair with the same boat ferry,
Ten thousand years of repair to the chicken baby,
Come on
And without further ado,
I'm going to the bathroom to see the kid's dad
How half a day people have not come out!