I never think that anything is absolutely perfect, but a family with a "healthy ecology" is a family that tends to be perfect.
Let me first share a story about my dad raising goldfish. He started raising goldfish in retirement, and at the beginning, every time he called me, he said that he stared at the goldfish every day whenever he had time, and when he reached the point, he fed it fish food, and it was still dead and could not be fed. Half a year later, suddenly on the phone he was particularly proud to tell me that the goldfish were fed. I was particularly curious, how did I feed this time?
"It turns out that goldfish farming can't just stare at that fish, but also think about the whole fish tank ecology. Is the water quality good? Are there other creatures like aquatic plants? Are there any other fish? His words reminded me of family and parenting.
The child is like the goldfish we want to raise, the so-called "perfect" family, must not stare at the child's fish, but consider the entire fish tank ecosystem.
I think the two main elements of "perfect family ecology" are: family atmosphere and parental influence.
<h2 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" > ■ Family atmosphere harmonious and healthy: relationship first</h2>
Compared with raising fish, the family atmosphere is like water quality, then we must first ask, is the water quality good?
Many families are "children first", especially in the current "4 + 2 + 1" environment, the whole family puts the needs of children first, for the sake of children can sacrifice the relationship between husband and wife, can sacrifice the elderly life, can sacrifice social, what is all children first.
But when we put the child in the bullseye, all the attention is the child, our power is inward, our vision will become narrower, single-minded for the child's good "child first", but let the child's vision become only he alone. Such a family ecological environment is undoubtedly toxic, and it is difficult to raise children with a big pattern.
No matter how the future changes, the relationship between people and people is always there. The family is the smallest unit of society, so the family ecology that is really beneficial to children must not be "child first", it must be "relationship first".
Take the example of husband and wife relationship, we all know that we can't argue in front of our children. But many couples are not really harmonious, but only a false tolerance produced by the concept of "children first". Such a "child first" family ecological environment, the most missing thing is the real power.
Not to mention the child's keen grasp of the parents' emotions, just from the child's future into the society, he will not live in a vacuum environment, he will be exposed to bad influences, but also to interpersonal conflicts. So why don't we tell our children in advance at home and take them to experience?
If we look at the contradictions between husband and wife in a "relationship first" way, then we know that our parents are real people, and if there is really a contradiction and quarrel. It doesn't matter, the child will not collapse.
As long as afterwards, we told the child that Mom and Dad were still in love, and just now they quarreled over which matter disagreed, and then the problem was solved. Now Mom and Dad apologize to you, and try to learn to control your emotions and talk well in the future. Such simple conversations can help children in all aspects of future relationships.
She can understand that "the right thing is not right", and from an early age, she can know that even the most loved ones will have different opinions, and she will have more courage to express her different views in the future. He can also learn to apologize, understand differences, find problems, how to solve problems together, etc., which are more suitable for children's ecological environment.
Differences on issues do not affect each other's "love for each other", this love is fluid, this connection is an invisible umbilical cord, will give every member, especially the child a "sense of security", will accompany the child for a lifetime, give them love nourishment.
<h2 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" > the positive influence of parents</h2>
Still back in the fish tank ecosystem, the small fish's favorite thing to follow must be the head fish in a group of fish.
Parents often have to think, am I the head fish? Am I attractive? Are children willing to imitate me and use me as an example? Do I have an intimate connection with my child?
Parents need to have a "growth mindset."
Many times, what we give to our children is cognitively limited, so the reconstruction of parents is particularly important. This reconstruction process has several important stages for me.
The first is to reflect on what our own code of conduct is. Just like children's social conflicts, hitting people and grabbing toys, many times reflect our own philosophy of doing things. Now parenting seems to have too much to learn, but in fact, no matter how much parenting principles are learned, the final implementation is that we are born as human beings, and what is the code of conduct of a human being that we choose.
Secondly, more responses to our past, many times our emotional reactions to children, in fact, reflect ourselves. Often, what we complain about our children and want to change our children are actually things that we can't do ourselves and don't like in our hearts. So what we have to do is to reconcile with our own original family, so that we have the ability and the power to influence another soul.
Finally, acknowledge your limitations. The most important thing in parenting is to let go of yourself and keep an open mind at all times. Many times our obsession is nothing more than our ego is too big.
All the difficulties in parenting choices actually return to our three views, and this is the ladder of parental reconstruction, when we ask for children, think about what our three views are, then our choices will be much clearer.
The parents themselves are stable, and the children are free and rich in their hearts.
A large-scale survey conducted by the American Journal of Family and Marriage found that there is no absolute positive correlation between the amount of time spent with children in early childhood and the success of children in the future. On the contrary, the anxiety and worry of parents, especially mothers, in the process of total companionship, will definitely have a negative impact on their children.
Psychologists have interpreted this, saying that this is called "emotional contagion", that is, parents are optimistic and positive, and children will be more optimistic and positive. Parents are always tired, anxious, irritable, and irritable, and the child will easily become like this, which will affect their future development. Therefore, parents with a peaceful attitude are the most important, and only when the parents are stable can the children grow up healthily.
In the final analysis, a perfect family is bound to be without love and respect, freedom and rules, sound three views and stable spiritual pillars
With the advent of the era of great language, the proportion of ancient poems in the middle and high school entrance examinations has increased
Accumulation has become an important reason for the gap between the chinese scores of contemporary primary school students, and Beidu Education "Linlang Guoxuetang"
The curriculum content in the basic form of recitation and appreciation, with the selection of poems suitable for primary school students as the main teaching materials, aims to help students:
1. Improve literary literacy, increase the accumulation of ancient poems, and the amount of reading and recitation
2. Keep up with the education policy, take a step ahead in the trend of the big language era, and grab it
The opportunity has laid a solid foundation for the study of ancient poetry in the primary and secondary school entrance examinations
3.Improve students' ability to memorize all content immediately and have an intrinsic driving force
I am now enrolled in a variety of Chinese Studies courses
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