Xiaoyue and Xiaolei are college classmates and have been talking for four years now. Originally intended to get engaged in 2019 and get married in 2020.
Xiao Lei's family has two boys, and his younger brother is seven years old. Xiao Lei's family is not too good, his parents come out of the countryside to do odd jobs, it can be said that when Xiao Lei's brother grows up, the cost of going to middle school and college may fall on him.
If they get married and don't have a house, they must live with their parents, but Xiaoyue doesn't want to live with Xiaolei's parents, and Li Xiaoyue's family had something wrong last year and can't come up with the money to buy a house.
If they want to buy a house after marriage, it is almost impossible, because the second-tier cities where they live are very expensive. Because the house thing has not been resolved, it is almost in a state of breakup now.
Xiaoyue is now a little entangled in her heart, marriage is not a child's play, not sure whether to marry Xiao Lei, whether she can get along with her mother in harmony after marriage, her mother has a bad temper. She is now more inclined to break up. Because Xiao Lei's parents are just a look of eating me. I think my son is handsome and stable.
Xiao Lei still spoke to his parents, and even felt that Xiaoyue did not understand himself, felt that there was nothing to live with his parents, and did not mention the marriage much.
Falling in love and getting married are two different things
In China, marriage is an important investment opportunity for most of life. Everyone has their own opinion on marriage and I can't say who is right and who is wrong. But if the meaning of marriage is only constructed, because the age has come, so this is a task that must be completed without much emotional basis.
Even if a person enters into a marriage, they may fall into a state of numbness and nothingness in the future. So, we choose one life, which means we have to give up another.
Before marriage, there is no determination to dry up the sea and stone, we must not enter into marriages with bad material conditions, especially those like Li Xiaoyue and Wang Lei, who reluctantly enter the marriage and regret it.
In the TV series "Do You Know Or Not", Sheng Minglan said: "Staying with people, in the end, depends on the lowest place, the lowest place of character." After staying with people for decades, after all, we still have to see if we can endure it at the lowest place. ”
To stay with people, our hope is a lifelong thing, and if we want to live a lifetime, we must look at his character. A person with good character, no matter how bad he is, is good for you and will not hurt you much.
If you can endure his lowest point and survive, you will be able to stay together for the rest of your life.
This point of marriage and love concept can be quoted to modern times, still very useful, if women have such a concept of marriage and love, then there are fewer unfortunate women in marriage.
Marriage cannot be a brain fever for a while
Marriage is the general switch of the family and society, is the cornerstone of the growth of children, the cornerstone of the growth of talents, marriage will involve economic, personnel and other issues, after marriage will involve family planning, raising children of the main responsibility of adulthood, good marriage needs to be carefully maintained, from the actual point of view, according to the identity of the individual to make adjustments, but also to prevent marriage because of economic and opportunity problems, lose their minds, degenerate their social functions, resulting in the deterioration of children's genetic personality.
A good marriage can make the family harmonious and the career smooth. Marriage is a multifaceted and long-term issue that needs to be tested, not just the physical or life union of two people.
I don't know when it began, divorce has become an epidemic in the 21st century, and the public will see more celebrities divorcing in the coming days. Think about the people around you, look at what happens every day, and you know that the trend is inevitable. The reason is that the information revolution will change the tradition.
The post-Industrial Revolution marital status differed from the traditions of agrarian societies, leading to the emergence of new types of families and the collapse of old ones. Today, this generation has caught up with a whole new era, and the mountain rain is coming. I saw this passage on a subject, and I really don't know his provenance. I was really moved to see this paragraph, and I felt that this was a condensation of the course of an era stated by a very far-sighted person.
Modern people are stressed because of their fast pace. When you were young, you broke up for various reasons or you never fell in love when you were young. When I was older, my parents were in a hurry, so I casually found someone to marry. Some people sound good, have a car and a house, and their appearance and personality can be, but when they get married, they find that the three views of the two people are completely different, the contradiction is getting bigger and bigger, and they say a word.
I heard the saying a long time ago: "Divorce is nothing new in modern society, divorce after 10 years of marriage is a new thing." "I used to think this sentence was a joke. But I didn't expect it to become a famous saying in just over a decade.
When marriage became a child's play, he hurt not only two people, but also two families. When marriage becomes a child's play and becomes a pathology, it is no longer a problem of two families, but a problem of society.
Marriage needs love
Someone said, "Is marriage really such a cruel and realistic thing for many people?" ”
In terms of our experience of working for so many years, it is indeed such a cruel and realistic thing. In many places, marriage has not even hitched a ride on the edges and corners of love, just a simple partnership to live a life. And this kind of life is sometimes cruel to the point of outrageous.
If only in terms of the stability of marriage, the first is value matching, and the second is love. Because no matter how you say it, love is only a product of modern times. Of course, I encourage every one of my readers to pursue love, but we have to face the objective fact that in some ways, value matching is more important than love. After the value match is satisfied, love is also more likely to arise.
As Mr. Zeng Shiqiang, a master of traditional Chinese studies, said: "Love and marriage can not be a child's play, because of their own happiness, you have to cultivate yourself to maintain, you can not arbitrarily discard what others have to do, that is someone else's business, you can at most see a joke, you at most express sympathy, there is no harm to you, but yourself, once you love the wrong person, once you get married, and when you reach the state of your own pain, who do you look for?" It was autumn, and everyone didn't dump you, so remember to ask for more blessings and more blessings for yourself, which is another interpretation of self-inflicted suffering.
The commonality of good marriages
First, in a sense, a good marriage has not only love, but also friendship. A pair of good friends together can solve many problems in life, and there will be a lot of fun, not to mention boyfriend and girlfriend, and even husband and wife.
Second, good marriages know the power of balance. A couple with a good relationship must know all kinds of balances, including economic conditions, emotional changes, stage tasks, internal and external relationships in the family, and so on.
Third, a good marriage needs to grow, and that growth needs to take place in balance. For example, the common language, in addition to the aspects of empathy and like-mindedness, also comes from the common growth of both parties. In the process of growing up with each other, this in itself has a variety of languages that allow the two to share and communicate.
Love is an ability that needs to be learned, just like any subject that needs to be learned. At the same time, what love needs is not time to cultivate, but experience. If you rush into a marriage before you know someone, you will regret it later.