1.
Xu Lin met Zhao Yang at the entrance of the hospital. She had been separated from her husband for two years.
It was raining this day, she was in the unit, suddenly a stomach disease, the pain was unbearable, so she went to the nearby hospital. She took the medicine, and just as she was about to leave, her arm was grabbed by a person.
She looked back, and the two eyes met, and both recognized each other.
I knew it was you, what a coincidence. Zhao Yang raised an eyebrow and smiled.
Why are you here, haven't you always been in Beijing? She asked, five years without seeing, there is a sense of a world away.
I'm here for a business trip. Last night I ate with customers, drank too much, and had some stomach discomfort. He said.
Only then did she notice that his face was a little pale, and one hand was still covering his stomach.
Then you hurry up and take a look. She said, do you need me to take you there?
No, you still have to go to work, let's add a WeChat, I'll contact you later. He shook the phone in his hand.
She hesitated for a moment, but still scanned his WeChat code.
Plus, she found that his WeChat avatar was still Totoro. I didn't feel a shock in my heart.
Her head is also a totoro.
2.
Xu Lin rubbed her sour eyes and prepared to leave work. Picking up the phone, she saw Zhao Yang's WeChat: Let's have a meal together after work.
He sent the location at the Ome Tavern.
She left the company, the rain had not stopped, and there was a small puddle on the side of the road, reflecting her distraught figure.
Although she had separated from her husband, she had no contact with him except for the occasional child. But after all, there is no divorce.
Is this a derailment?
Zhao Yang is not only her college classmate, but also a lover who has walked with her for seven years of youth.
Her heart had never let go of him.
Not far away, a taxi was honking its horn at her, and she didn't think much of it and hurriedly waved.
Just have a meal together and reminisce about the past. She consoled herself that we were all adults and that nothing was going to happen.
Before the taxi arrived, a car sped at her, splashing puddles of water, and her skirt immediately flew into a mud spot.
She looked at the dirty skirt and suddenly felt a little trance.
At that time, they had just graduated and were renting in an urban village. There is also such a puddle in front of the building, which accumulates water all year round and emits a fishy smell. Once she walked there, she was also splashed with muddy water by the passing car.
Zhao Yang laughed and pressed the shutter of the camera with his hand.
You look at your expression, how interesting. He showed her the awkward self in the camera.
She frowned and said, this is something good to shoot, we have to work hard to make money, and we must not live in such a dirty place in the future.
Zhao Yang looked down at his camera and fiddled with it while perfunctorily "um" a sound.
3.
She got into the taxi, and the road in front of her had been crowded into a pot of porridge, and the car was slow to move.
She simply picked up the phone, casually looked at it, and then flipped to his circle of friends.
It was very clean inside, all pictures he took all over the world, there were landscapes, there were animals, there were people.
There is no trace of his life.
For so many years, she had only heard about him for a star and a half, for example, he was married, for example, he went to Beijing.
How is he doing now, is his marriage happy, has his ideal been fulfilled? She didn't know.
After all, when they first broke up, she had said that she would never see him again in her life.
However, fate went around and let them meet again.
She remembered their breakup.
Before the Spring Festival, she could not resist the frequent urging of marriage at home, and he still wandered around with a camera, indulging in various beautiful scenery.
She curled up in the dripping rental house and told him, I want to live a decent life, I don't want to live like this all the time, I don't want our house to not even have heating.
He ignored her, fiddling with the phone's camera and said, "Look at these pictures, how beautiful. It's a shame you didn't go.
She snatched the camera away, threw it on the bed, and said, Don't you just live in your goddamn photo all day? Looking at the present, we have been graduating for several years, and we can't just make money on my own.
Don't I also have a fee? He replied hesitantly.
You can't even afford to support yourself with that little fee, how do you feed our family? Tell me when we can get married? You're so old I can't go home for the New Year.
Can't you just find a serious job first and shoot later?
He bowed his head and said, then don't tie the knot.
No knots? So what about the seven years we've been together? roommate? Gunners?
Don't you say it so ugly, isn't it enough for us to love each other?
Not enough, not enough, she became a little hysterical, I wanted to get married, I wanted to live a secular life. Instead of living in this broken house with frozen dogs, not being squeezed into meatloaf on the subway all day, not telling my mom all day, fast, fast. It was settled immediately.
He was also anxious and said, "Don't you mean that you hate worldly life the most?" Don't you mean that you will live in seclusion in the mountains in the future, living a life of spring water sencha and pine blossom brewing?
It's just a fantasy, I'm just talking about it. Can we live by drinking mountain wind all day? Does seclusion not require money?
He looked up and said to her in all seriousness, to tell you the truth, I never wanted to get married.
The sentence was like a muffled stick, slashing at her head and blinding her.
Unexpectedly, after seven years of knowing and falling in love, he never thought of marrying her.
All her assumptions about the wedding, about the renovation of the house, about the names of the children, turned out to be just her wishful thinking.
Her tears fell widely, and she said, "Well, let's break up."
He said, okay. Then the head did not return and left.
4.
The sound of the taxi's horn interrupted her thoughts. Through the car window, she saw the familiar scenery outside the window flash in front of her eyes. They ate barbecue stalls together, ducked off the rain at the wet market, and went to college together.
Can't go back, can't go back, she sighed.
The driver heard it, thought she thought he was driving slowly, and hurriedly said that this time was catching up with the end of work and the child was out of school. It doesn't rain again. So it's a little bit blocked.
She said, it's all right.
The driver asked her, are you in a hurry to pick up the child?
She hurriedly said, no, the child has an old man to pick up.
Then you are really blessed, I and my daughter-in-law and the elderly family can not count on, the two children are all our own care of the big, to and from school is also our pick-up and drop-off...
She felt her heart prick when she heard the words" "You are so blessed."
What is her blessing? Although married to a local, although the in-laws are the leaders of local state-owned enterprises, although his family house has several sets...
But no one knew that beneath her surface was a bottomless abyss.
She and her husband Yan Ming are considered to be blind dates. At that time, she had just broken up with Zhao Yang, and it was the moment of discouragement.
When her boss saw that she was depressed, he said that he would introduce her to her neighbor's son.
When she saw Yan Ming's first side, she only felt that he was decent, quiet, and steady.
Very suitable person to get married.
In addition, at that time, the family was already making a lot of noise, and colleagues were also jealous, thinking that their family would never look at her, a small county town with 18 lines in the field.
They were all waiting to see her jokes.
This greatly stimulated her. Leaving aside my origins, where am I?
Therefore, when Yan Ming proposed marriage, she did not hesitate for a moment.
Although they had only known each other for less than three months at that time, they had not seen each other more than ten times.
At the wedding, his family did not let her parents show up, saying that this was their rule here.
She was a little unhappy, looking at Yan Ming next to her, Yan Ming just lowered her head and did not speak. Her parents came from their hometown, and they didn't bother, but just happily put her in the car and said, Child, be well.
5.
After marriage, the in-laws asked to live with them. She didn't want to. Yan Ming said, let's do this first, and then we'll talk about it later. Then, no more later.
After marriage, she found that her husband's words were less. He's like a set-up machine, with no nonsense except what is necessary.
She sometimes talked to him for half a day, and he only sent a "hmm" word out of his throat.
The father-in-law's words are also very few, but a mouthful of spit and a nail, no one can disobey him.
Before her wedding leave was over, her father-in-law changed her to a new job without permission.
Go to the branch of the group to do administration.
She was shocked and angry, why didn't she just let her change jobs without consulting with her, was she a marionette?
As soon as she said the three words "no need", her father-in-law slowly opened his mouth, he said, I have already arranged, tomorrow you will go to work.
His tone is irrefutable.
His appearance reminded her of the awe-inspiring emperor of ancient times.
She had to look at Yan Ming with a pleading look.
Yan Ming lowered his head, put the rice in the bowl into his mouth one by one, and ate carefully and attentively, as if everything in the world had nothing to do with him.
She finished the meal with the anger that rolled in her heart.
Back in the room, she said, your parents are too much, right? Why do you change my job without saying hello, and have you asked me for my opinion?
He said that they were also for your own good.
This sentence choked her half to death.
No matter when and where, the phrase "for your own good" is all-powerful. You have no reason to argue anymore, because you will be labeled as "ignorant" and "a white-eyed wolf" with one mouth.
She could only take this as their kindness and gave in. But he is busy and disorganized in administrative positions that he is not good at.
She read the disdain and ridicule in the eyes of her colleagues: You are a straw bag, a waste, if you don't go through the back door, you can get in like this?
Her heart was like a stone.
What about the mother-in-law? She will not participate in her work, but she is very harsh in the trivialities of life. Her mother-in-law who brushes the dishes will think that she has too much dish soap, and her mother-in-law who cooks will say that it is too light. Even if she rushed to pay for something in the supermarket, she would be accused by her mother-in-law for forgetting to ask for a small ticket.
Such a life made her feel suffocated. Her caution, like walking on thin ice, even deliberately flattered, did not exchange the family's respect and love for her.
Yan Ming was even more indifferent like a mystery. No matter what situation she was in, he would never say a word for her.
After she became pregnant, he seemed eager to move out of the master bedroom and into the second bedroom.
Then she saw him again, and it was a scene like this: he got off work, came home, ate, took a shower, and then walked to the bedroom and slowly closed the door.
Unless he went to the bathroom, he wouldn't come out of that door again until dawn.
It seemed like his world was inside the door.
Sometimes she even wanted to rush over and kick the door and ask him why he was doing this to her. If you didn't love her, why did you marry her in the first place?
Every time she asked this question, her heart would involuntarily "cluck" a little.
Did she really love him? Did she marry him out of love?
At the thought of this, her whole body was like a punctured balloon, and she collapsed.
6.
After giving birth to a child, she finally understood that her wife was not a wife, she was just a tool, a nanny, an identity that would be accepted by worldly identity.
Realizing this, she filed for divorce.
Then her world was fried.
The in-laws were furious, the husband was silent, the parents were crying, and the friends took turns to dissuade them.
Are you crazy, if you leave, where to find a family with such conditions?
He didn't make any heinous mistakes. For a long time, aren't couples like this? There's so much nonsense to talk about.
People can't just think about themselves, you also have to think about children, children will lack fathers and young women in the future, don't you feel pain?
In a few years, when the children are older, you will survive and they will be able to live with you for the rest of their lives?
Those words disturbed her like spider webs, making her powerless to break free.
She felt out of breath and could only shout, walk away, walk away.
She woke up suddenly. It turned out that I had just fallen asleep.
The driver in front of him turned back and said, sister, to the place. Do you scan WeChat or Alipay?
She hurriedly took her mobile phone to pay, and then got out of the car in a hurry.
She stood at the door of the hotel waiting for Zhao Yang. A cold wind woke her up.
Although the marriage ended in separation, she lost everything: her job, her children, and the knots that could not be relieved.
(To be continued)