When I walked through a certain shopping mall in Wuyi Square, I suddenly stopped and stared at a store door.
It was a shop selling cosmetics, not a place where a man had been staying for a long time, and my friends thought I had a crush on some girl in it and teased me one after another.
In front of that store, I listened to the prelude to a song and left.
When I left, my friend saw the tears in the corners of my eyes, and they all retracted the laughter on their faces, I sorted out my emotions a little, and then made up a reason to fool around.
Yeah, I'm so good at making things up, I can casually find a suitable reason to convince people.
But I couldn't find a reason to convince myself.
I can't find a reason to give up on you, so I can only find one reason after another to keep myself going until, the reason to keep going, can no longer be found.
I liked you for a year, and I chased you for a year, from last summer to this summer, just after four seasons.
Unfortunately, loving someone seems to be a subtraction problem, and when the last reason to stick to it is invalid, it really has to give up.
I'm sorry, I think, I probably won't love you anymore.
One of the songs I've heard the most in my life is "Ann River Bridge," and my favorite version is the one introduced by the progressive tambourine.
I like you every night, I listen to it, sometimes, all night.
The summer I fell in love with you, I was listening to this song too.
But this song doesn't really express any good wishes, as if foreshadowing our ending.
When I like you, I listen to the words, "I'm waiting for you." ”
After giving up on you, what I heard was "So hello, goodbye." ”
All summer last year, I was crazy about you, and no matter what I did, the first thing I thought of was you.
The first person you think of in the morning and the last person you think of in the night is either the person who makes you happy or the person who makes you miserable.
At that time, I should have been blinded by happiness.
At the beginning of last summer, the two days you spent with me, I opened an umbrella for you, took a bag, bought something you liked to eat, and accompanied you to look at clothes. These are the things that couples do.
We were even treated as lovers by a little boy who sold things.
These are actually enough to make me misunderstand for a lifetime.
That summer, you and I were both tutors, and you said you wanted to travel, and I said I could give you all the money I earned.
You said that your salary will definitely pay me back, but I really don't care so much, because I have approved of you, and I have approved that you are the one who can accompany me through the rest of my life.
I'm afraid you don't have enough money and really work hard. Throughout the summer, I worked as a tutor during the day and wrote manuscripts at night, and then the tutor's money became less, so I wrote many, many more manuscripts.
But I am very happy, you are the driving force of my struggle, that is, my goal, I feel that all the efforts are happy.
In fact, the summer sun in Changsha is really hot, and I have to walk a long way in the sun every day to get to the bus station.
In fact, the three-hour round trip every day is really uncomfortable, I generally don't get motion sickness, but there will also be times when I want to throw up.
In fact, ah, there is no fame of me, the manuscript is really not easy to sell it, sometimes written overnight is a waste manuscript, sold an eight-thousand-word article is only three hundred pieces.
In fact, five dollars a bowl of noodles without anywhere is really difficult to eat, but I can still insist on eating it all the time.
Actually, you don't know any of this.
Of course, I don't want you to know that, just like, you also have a lot of things that you don't want me to know.
You and I are not in the same school, although it is the same city, but it is still far away.
I don't know your life, nor do I know your emotional movements, and all the words of concern, after bypassing the long radio waves, have become pale and feeble words.
But I always like to guess and take your every dynamic as reading comprehension.
On the one hand, I always say to you, I'm a big man, very angry, you don't feel anything about me now, it doesn't matter, I try a little harder, maybe you suddenly like me.
But on the other hand, I'm actually really afraid, even if you send a full-body photo, I will worry about who took this picture for you.
I'm always telling myself, try a little harder, try a little harder, and when you get better, you'll like me.
How stupid I am, I only have some such wishful thinking, but I never thought that I actually did not enter your life at all.
I don't have the courage to even walk away and cross the city to see you.
One of the things I regret the most is that I didn't travel with you last summer.
But I am poor, and I am not good enough, and the money I earn is really only enough for you alone.
I always wonder if you will be like what I wrote in my story, after seeing thousands of mountains and rivers, suddenly looking back, finding that I am standing behind you, and then you will suddenly wake up and fall in love with me.
But instead, you become the phrase in Kitajima's poem: "You didn't come back as scheduled, and that's what travel is all about." ”
I could feel that you were getting farther and farther away from me later, pretending not to see my news, and blocking me from time to time.
I actually know that you don't like me, but how can I admit it?
I remember, the first time I spoke to you, I said that your voice is very similar to Chen Qizhen, and I want to hear you sing the meaning of her trip to me.
But you are really not good at singing, and you don't like Chen Qizhen so much, which I actually didn't expect.
Later, you sent me a song by Chen Qizhen, and this song was her "Fish".
Maybe I understand the last sentence of the song now.
"Forgive me for flying, once attached to the sun."
Yeah, you're attached to the sun, and I'm just a humble starlight.
When I like you, I actually think about under what circumstances I will give up on you, and what my heart will be like when I give up on you.
I've thought about many situations, including situations where you've been married to someone else after I liked you for a long time.
But I'm really going to give up on your day, it's really ordinary.
There is a saying that goes like this: "All departures are said to have been planned for a long time." ”
But I haven't even planned it, last night I was still telling myself to persevere, is it really a thin person?
After thinking about it, in fact, it is not, I have never entered your world, how to leave.
I just finally stopped tempting you.
After deciding to give up on you, just for a moment, all the memories of you began to yellow, and I cried, but I had no thought of holding back.
In fact, these have long been just memories, I have just been lying to myself.
I listened to the anhe bridge over and over again, thinking about you over and over again, and finally shifted my attention from the sentence "I am waiting for you" to the sentence "So hello, goodbye"
I really, like the fat guy who sang, wasn't young anymore.