Before encountering infidelity, every woman said that she could not forgive her husband's betrayal, and did she cheat and not divorce to keep the New Year?
But when it really happens to you, you will understand that divorce is not so easy.
There are too many emotional entanglements and interest factors in the middle, which is enough to make people toss and turn and make it difficult to choose.
Reader Xiao Luo has been married to her husband for ten years, has a pair of lovely children, but her husband has cheated, she does not want to divorce, and asked me how to save and defend my marriage.
Although I personally believe that most of the extramarital affairs are useless, but in view of the fact that many readers are asking, today I still want to use the movie "A Sigh" to help you analyze it:
How should the wife deal with a husband who cheats?
When a third party comes to the door, how does the wife use psychological cues and grasp the initiative through game skills?
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" >01</h1>
40-year-old Liang Yaya (Zhang Guoguo) is a small and accomplished screenwriter with a virtuous wife and a lovely daughter.
He worked alone in Sanya, and in order to take care of him, the producers arranged for him to be a young girl as an assistant.
The girl's name is Li Xiaodan, young, lively, and has a crazy energy.
She was originally a fan of Liang Asia, and the long-term relationship has fermented this admiration into love.
One night, she used wine to pretend to be crazy and told Liang Yaya about her admiration for him, and she could memorize the sentences he wrote: "When I was young, there was a thief's heart and no thief's guts, and when I was old, the thief's heart and thief's guts were gone." ”
Liang Yaya could not withstand the temptation and had a relationship with Xiao Dan.
After the passion, Xiao Dan asked him, what does your lover call you?
Liang Yaya said that the child was his father.
Xiao Dan said, in my place, you are the child.
Liang Asia was very impressed.
Their affairs were quickly known to the producers, who blamed Liang Yaya, Xiao Dan had a boyfriend, he had a family, and they shouldn't have come to blame.
Liang Yaya vigorously argued: "I really gritted my teeth and carried, but I didn't hold on, which also blamed you, and sent her to recruit me." ”
The producer retorted: "I work with her every day, how come I'm okay?" Flies do not sting seamless eggs. ”
Liang Yaya was speechless, he returned home, found that his wife Song Xiaoying seemed to perceive something, and honestly shut himself at home to write.
A month later, the producer told him that Xiao Dan had told his boyfriend about him and was seriously injured and put in the hospital, and he immediately rushed to take care of Xiao Dan.
Subsequently, he stayed in Xiangshan to change the script, and Xiao Dan took a bus for more than an hour after work every day to accompany him.
Xiaoying was relieved and went to visit, Liang Yaya and Xiao Dan carefully faked the scene in an attempt to fool through the customs.
But Xiaoying still sensed something was wrong with a goldfish and neatly stacked clothes, and a sentence from the waiter exposed the affair: Your lover told the service desk yesterday that the shower head in the room was broken...
Xiaoying is a dentist, has her own job, has to take care of her daughter, decorate the house, and learns that her husband is cheating, she is very uncoolly clamoring for divorce.
Liang Ya moved to Xiao Dan's dormitory and complained to Xiao Dan: "Xiaoying originally did not want children, but I insisted, I said that with children you will not run, and the first person to run is me..."
Xiao Dan comforted him while cutting his nails for him: "Then we will not leave Ha, just like this, I am also good with you, I also recognize, I don't want to see you so uncomfortable." ”
Her understanding made Liang Ya firm in his desire for divorce, and he returned home to negotiate with Xiaoying, who asked him: "Do you love her?" What am I inferior to hers? ”
Liang Yaya gave the answer that 90% of cheating men will give: "These are two feelings, sleeping at night, I touch your hand, just like touching my own hand, there is no feeling, but to saw off your hand is also as painful as sawing my hand, you two are my relatives, she is the person I love, both sides are as heavy, no one can replace anyone..."
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" >02</h1>
Later, Xiaoying saw that Liang Yaya would rather get out of the house than divorce, so he agreed to the divorce, and the two came to the Civil Affairs Bureau, but were told that the divorce required the unit to open a letter of introduction and a divorce agreement, and it was not left.
His daughter begged Liang Ya not to leave, but he softened his heart and chose to temporarily separate from Xiaoying.
The producer dismisses Xiao Dan and takes back her dormitory, and Liang Yaya can only carry her luggage to the hotel with Xiao Dan, but encounters the police to check the room and ask them what the relationship is.
Dan replied that we are lovers.
The police arrested them as PCs: "The word lover is legally undetermined, too vague. The law recognizes only conjugal relations. ”
Or did the producers bail them out and find a place for them to live.
People who love each other live together, but they are not as happy as they think.
Xiao Dan's parents came to Beijing and forced Liang Yaya to divorce as soon as possible, and Xiao Dan also frightened Liang Ya with a prank of fake hanging.
Liang Yaya couldn't help but scold Xiao Dan: "Is that piece of paper so important?" ”
He grumbled to the producer, "Don't go down my path; she's a fairy, and you have to put up with it!" Besides, where are the fairies? ”
Soon, Xiaoying fell from a high place and was hospitalized, and Liang Ya rushed back home to take care of his wife and accompany the children.
Xiao Dan saw that he did not appear, and on his 42nd birthday, he went to the staircase of his house to block him.
Xiaoying found her and warmly invited her to the house, her daughter brought Xiao Dan a cup of salt water, Xiaoying talked about the past when she was in love with Liang Yaya, Xiao Dan was embarrassed and cramped, and had to leave.
After that, they moved to a new home, Xiaoying specially bought a statue of Zhong Kui to place in the home, she said to her daughter, Zhong Kui is a ghost catcher, with him, the ghost can not come to our house.
But is the ghost in your heart something that a statue of Zhong Kui can stop?
At the end of the film, quite meaningful, the family is happily playing on the beach, Liang Yaya's mobile phone rings, looking back, his eyes are full of panic.
<h1 class= "pgc-h-arrow-right" >03. Saving a marriage is a psychological battle, and the key lies in three points</h1>
Many women are prone to self-confusion when they encounter cheating, either hysterically crying and making trouble, or swallowing their anger and swallowing three or four times, obviously reasonable, but because they do not understand the way of the game, they will show the bottom card first, play a good hand of cards, and be constrained by their husbands and third parties everywhere.
In fact, saving marriage is a psychological battle, the key lies in three points: to use the contradiction between men and the third, to have chips and means, in the value contest between the third, to have the upper hand.
Xiaoying found that her husband was cheating, the first state was [ignorant], it was not clear what happened, what she was going to face, so she felt that it didn't matter, wouldn't she divorce? I'm divorced and can find at least a hundred times better than you.
Subsequently, she calmed down, the home she had worked so hard to run, the man who had been entrusted for life at the age of 20, why did she give it to others?
So, she began the Huairou policy, smoking a cigarette and crying: "What can I do badly, do you tell me that I can't change it?" She is young and can still be young for a lifetime, you have to have a disease and a disaster, are you still not allowed to point to me and your girlfriend? ”
Seeing that Liang Yaya was not moved, she began to be hysterical and make a fuss.
Xiao Dan's side was sensible and generous, and he was relieved to Liang Yaya.
At home, he was an angry husband, and the boring married life bored and tired him.
Here in Xiao Dan, he not only gets passion, freshness, but also can be a spoiled child and do whatever he wants.
Such a situation was unfavorable to Xiaoying, and later, she thought bitterly, changed her tactics, and let her daughter plead with her father: "I practice the piano well, write well, just so that you like me, but you don't want me now..."
As a result, Liang Asia's divorce plan went bankrupt.
He began a life of two families in parallel, but not as easily as he thought.
He bought more than three thousand clothes for Xiaoying and more than three hundred for Xiao Dan, and Xiao Dan was very angry: "What do I have for you?" With you, I don't even feel secure, let alone the dignity of being human. I'm not as good as a chicken. ”
Liang Yaya was also very angry, and she abandoned her wife and daughter for her, and she also made unreasonable trouble: "You are bored to say so." What am I getting again? I don't want any home. If you think you have suffered a great loss, you should find someone who does not suffer losses. ”
When in love, under the influence of hormones, people are most likely to overestimate their dedication, but when the passion fades and the attention returns to themselves, they will find that they are far less great and selfless.
Two years ago, Dan said that whether he divorced or not, he would be good with him.
Two years later, she forced him to divorce, forcing him to kneel down and beg for forgiveness.
Liang Yaya finally realized that Xiao Dan was no different from other third parties, and all sacrifices needed to be rewarded.
Men are all "balance", who pay more will pour to whom, who is high value to whom.
Moreover, once things are out of their control, they have only one way to deal with it: to escape.
In their eyes, procrastination is the solution to all problems, and those who can't survive will lose, and those who can survive must not care about winning or losing.
Liang Ya dragged not to divorce, Xiao Dan was anxious, Xiaoying was like no one, she spent money fiercely, generously said that she did not mind her husband not going home, a trick [bitter meat], successfully won back her husband.
In the end, Xiao Dan's ghost did not disperse, and he entered the room, Xiaoying posed as a hostess to support her husband, recalling the past in a quiet tone, and the soldier who surrendered without a fight, and the husband and daughter sent the third party out of the door.
<h1 class = "pgc-h-arrow-right" >04. Women compete, men gain</h1>
Writer Huang Biyun wrote in "No Love": "I am so light to you, like a marshmallow on a Sunday afternoon, eat it from time to time, and adjust the taste of life." ”
Xiao Dan does not want money, does not want a room, single-mindedly follows Liang Yaya, turns against his parents, is beaten by his boyfriend, is scolded without face, rebels and leaves, spends a lot of youth, and retires.
Yi Shu wrote in "People Are Light as Juju": "The third party will always have no return, and has done the interlude of others in vain." ”
Therefore, I hope that the girl will not do other people's interludes, but compose her own true love theme song.
Speaking of Song Xiaoying, did she win by repelling the third party with a continuous elimination blow?
Maybe in a sense.
But in an extramarital affair, but in an extramarital affair, there are no real winners, only relative winners.
When the three of them went head-to-head, Xiaoying didn't even remember that it was Liang Yaya's birthday.
She stood on the moral high ground, ignoring his embarrassment, directing him to be busy with this and that, and to deal with Xiao Dan, and to pierce her heart, so it can be seen that she no longer loves Liang Asia.
And, judging from the ending, this marriage tug-of-war is far from over, it is endless, as if there is no end.
The most terrible thing in the marriage is that he suffered from mental delay, tried his best to repel Xiao San, and finally found that his husband's shell had returned, and his heart had not returned.
He lives at home like a walking dead, without you in his eyes and without you in his heart, ignoring your efforts, ignoring your efforts, and obliterating your value.
So, what about winning?
Extramarital affairs, from the moment they begin, sow the seeds of collapse, and it will slowly sprout and break through the ground.
Tong Liya and Ma Yili, who chose to forgive, are not divorced in the end?
The most pitiful thing is the child, if she is very out-of-the-box to cry and make trouble to swear at Xiao Dan, it is okay to say, but she watched Xiao Dan drink the salt water like a deep palace complaining woman.
Adult infidelity ends a child's childhood and will have a profound negative impact on her emotional concepts later on.
The original game with the third party is destined to be a lose-lose ending, only men can gain, and it is always the children who are implicated.
Therefore, women who hope to encounter her husband's cheating, whether divorced or not, must actively pay attention to themselves, improve themselves, repair their own pain, and seek benefits and avoid harm. You can treat the cheating man as a friend, as a partner, and grab his money and property in your hands, that is, don't be too greedy for the emotional value of the vain head, and have any emotional extravagance and dependence on him.