There was a hot topic on Weibo: Where does the sense of security of adults come from?
Some people say it's a house, a car, and a stable job;
Some people say that it comes from the skin that gets better every day, the number you want on the scale, the balance in the bank card;
It is also said that it is the happiness of the family...
Each answer makes sense, and it is the author's reflection based on his own life experience.
Among them, the answer that most impressed me was only two words: "strength.".
When a person has enough strength, he has the confidence to strive for the best, and he is not afraid of the worst, and his sense of security comes from itself.
And this kind of strength, roughly includes the following three points:
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="17" >01 Ability to make money</h1>
Yesterday, a female author in the WeChat group said:
After getting pregnant a few years ago, she resigned in order to save the fetus.
Since then, the mother-in-law has never given a good face, and the husband often sighs.
During those days, she was cautious during the day and often woke up from nightmares at night, nervous.
Later, she began to write while taking the baby.
What she does in the company is copywriting, and the text base is very good.
Over the past few years, the income from the manuscript fee has increased, the family's face has a smile, and they have become more and more cheerful and confident.
Finally, she sighed: Sure enough, the sense of security of adults is given by money.
Indeed, many times, there is money in hand, and the heart is not panicked.
There is a saying in "Ordinary World": money is a good thing, it can make people stop panicking, and produce self-confidence.
The sense of security of adults is mostly related to money.
However, this money must be earned by yourself.
Otherwise, no amount of money will give you a sense of security.
"Super Speaker" once had a female contestant tell her story.
She grew up beautiful, loved by her parents, and raised all the way.
When I grew up, there were countless suitors, and I always received various gifts when I fell in love.
Later, he married a rich second generation, and his daily life was beauty, shopping, and attending various parties at night.
Everyone envied her for being born with a good life, and she herself had never had a concept of money.
Until one day, she found that she and her husband quarreled more and more, and each time, she was intimidated by her husband with the same sentence:
"You eat me, drink mine, spend me, what right do you have to argue with me?"
At that moment, she was determined to change, looked at all the pressures, divorced, and cleaned herself out of the house.
The first time she lived a hard life of displacement and precariousness, she gritted her teeth and survived, and slowly accumulated funds and opened her own company.
She said that when I was able to earn money to support my son and live the life I wanted, I felt a sense of security that I had lost and regained.
When we are young, we feel that we have enough to drink, and when we become adults, we have experienced the changes of human feelings and warmth, and we find that feelings are not a safe haven, and the ability to make money is the source of security.
The sense of security given by others is like expensive glassware, even if you take care of it carefully, it may be crushed at a certain moment.
In "The First Half of My Life", Tang Jing once said: "Love is easy to pass away, marriage is fragile, and I can only pursue material and spiritual independence day and night."
So, at any time, don't give up your ability to make money.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="192" >02 Ability to do it</h1>
Backstage often have readers who have just joined the work to ask me: the unit is too complicated, want to fit in, you have to go against their own nature, do not integrate, will be isolated, what to do?
I would tell them to keep being myself.
Being yourself is easier said than done.
The workplace is a jianghu, and every unit has a small group of gangs and gossip.
If you want to integrate and get the approval of others, you have to pay time and energy, attend some unnecessary parties, and exchange some gossip.
If you don't want to go with the flow and want to be yourself, you must have the courage to endure loneliness and use the time saved to achieve yourself.
There used to be a young man in the unit, always alone, some people said that he was arrogant, some people said that he had low emotional intelligence.
There are also old colleagues who kindly remind him to pay attention to contact with everyone.
He always smiled and said thank you, okay. Then, go on alone.
Until one day, he passed the selection and was admitted to the provincial department.
Those who often talk about him behind his back began to praise how good he was and how assertive he was.
Jobs said, "A person's independence often begins with not being gregarious." He dared to refuse, and he dared to follow his inner choice. ”
Many times, we are always eager to be recognized by others, go with the flow against our will, and then we are frustrated late at night.
In fact, everyone is lonely in the process of achieving themselves.
Just like the ugly duckling in the fairy tale, before becoming a swan, it was ridiculed many times by everyone because it was different, even ugly.
Think of Stephen Chow.
He is known as the "king of comedy", but in the eyes of many people in the Hong Kong entertainment industry, he has always been a lonely and unsociable person.
Many of the actors and directors he has worked with have complained because Stephen Chow is too strict, and they describe Stephen Chow as an extremely annoying person.
The famous director Wang Jing once said, "He has a very bad temper, and it is too uncomfortable to cooperate with him." ”
However, no matter what the outside world evaluates, Zhou Xingchi never explains much.
He said: I just want to make a good movie silently.
He said it and did it.
From "Journey to the West" to "Tang Bohu Dian Qiu Xiang" to "Mermaid", Zhou Xingchi has dedicated one popular masterpiece after another.
The Chinese film industry then began to pass on a sentence: one film emperor a year, a hundred years Zhou Xingchi.
Sanmao once said:
We refuse to explore our own value, we value the participation of others in our own lives, and we care too much about the evaluation of others.
So loneliness is no longer beautiful, we lose others, and we are confused.
Those who are excellent, however, are unmoved, and have been walking the path they have identified with determination and forbearance.
Therefore, excellent people become their own kings and dominate their own lives.
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="196" >03 Ability to face uncertainty</h1>
Luo Xiang said that the only certainty of life is an inaccurate life.
People who have experienced the epidemic in 2020 together should have a deep understanding of this sentence.
Life is impermanent, even if you have the ability to make money, no matter how strong the psychological quality, when the dust of the times falls, you will also face a seemingly insurmountable mountain.
Those who face difficulties, do not escape, do not panic, deal with them calmly, and do not get discouraged after experiencing the disasters are the real strong.
A while ago, I accidentally heard the news of the suicide of a female college classmate, and the classmates were full of regret.
It is said that her son has suffered from depression for many years, and not long ago, her husband had just been taken away by the discipline inspection commission because of work problems.
This became the last straw that crushed her.
Life is like a small boat on the sea, and the future is full of uncertainties.
No matter what kind of terrifying waves you encounter, reef whirlpools, the ultimate measure of a person's strength is not how many decisions you make when you are on the right side of the river, but how much pressure you can resist when you go up against the current.
If we can't adjust ourselves in time and overcome difficulties, we will fall into the vortex of disappointment and eventually be eliminated by life.
Only by facing the sudden changes in life, bravely facing them, and working hard to resolve them, can we create a sense of security for ourselves.
A few years ago, my girlfriend's husband suddenly found out leukemia, his parents were not in good health, and his daughter was in her third year of high school.
She hid from her family and accompanied her husband to Beijing for medical treatment, and she accompanied her for more than half a year.
In those days, she had a good life since she was a child, just like a changed person.
Every day to and from the hospital and the small rented house, three times a day to change the pattern to make delicious meals.
As soon as I have time, I have to rush back to my hometown school to visit my daughter who sprinted for the college entrance examination and channel my emotions.
He also had to go home and make up all kinds of reasons, and constantly interrogate his son-in-law's parents.
More than half a year passed, my husband's illness miraculously improved, and my daughter was admitted to the ideal university.
And she, lost more than 20 pounds, full of black hair is already two sideburns white.
But, speaking of this, she always smiled and was grateful for life, never complaining about anything.
I have seen a sentence, "A person's real strength must be from the inside out, and it is impossible for others to take it away." ”
<h1 class="pgc-h-arrow-right" data-track="197">04</h1>
Writer Zhang Xiaoxian said:
Only when you recognize the fact that everything in time is impermanent will you understand that security can never be sought outside, and it is never outside this world, it is the peace of your inner world.
A person, who understands what he wants, strives to get the best, and if he does not get it, he also knows not to force, not to be obsessed, and to reach a reconciliation with himself.
It comes from the accumulation of material and spiritual abundance.
Therefore, the sense of security of adults is given by themselves.
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