My mind and heart are gradually and slowly filled with a lot of anxiety, irritability and restlessness, I don't know what I'm doing wrong, why my mind is as disorganized as a junkyard, I'm pretending to be other people's worries and things that need to be solved, my past mistakes and future fears of others.
I can't concentrate my spirit, and my attention to myself and the voices I hear are negative and negative. I was miserable, I couldn't really understand me, I was angry, I wanted to vent my dissatisfaction to people, but I was also afraid of bringing unnecessary troubles and consequences. I hate any people and things that drain my energy, and I want to stay away, but I find that I can't leave them because I need them to see my sense of worth and presence.
My mind and heart were filled with torment, contradiction, guilt. I have been resisting, attacking, and resisting the outside world, and what I don't want is not what I want, but what I don't want is like a snowball, rolling bigger and bigger, so big that I can't afford it.
Why did I, such a talented, gifted, intelligent man, fall into such a field? My work is like an assembly line, I hate to do repetitive work without technical growth, I don't want to be controlled by others, but my heart and mind are imprisoned, and I have been completely controlled by the outside world, by others, by credit card bills, by myself who is not good enough.
I was angry, I knew that there was always a very wise voice in my heart, I didn't know who she was, it was always like a dawn that led me forward, but sometimes I also turned my heart sideways to believe her, and after doing it, my body was full of anxiety and uneasiness, and I tried to convince myself to keep breaking down: "Believe her, believe her." "The result has brought me endless suffering and consequences.
I decided that I was going to accuse her why I had worked so hard, and I was still full of talent, but I had been doing nothing fun, assembly line, constantly absorbing the negative energy of others to see, constantly being brought into the work of playing mental games, what did I do wrong.
You're not doing anything wrong, you just don't see your value.
Suddenly, my ears heard her voice. I can be definitively sure that this is not what people from the outside world told me. Instead, she told me that I could sense the sound coming from my heart, through heavy body pipes, into my ears, so that I could hear it clearly. At the same time, my fingers also typed out her words through the keyboard, and my eyes saw them clearly on the computer screen.
Her ability is still quite strong, and it makes me feel pain and pleasure, scolding her for a meal, she can't shut up, but also let me see, hear, and keep thinking about what she said to me, and sure enough, the ability of the "liar" is very clever.
But I wouldn't be grateful for her recognition of me like this, I've been listening to it for more than thirty years, how long does she want to lie to me? I still work in the unit, I still have no lifeblood of my career, I still work with trepidation, I still occasionally do my job wrong and be criticized and complained, I still have to look at people's faces, I am still a person who has made a mistake in the past, because I have mistaken others, and made the wrong investment makes me breathless, and makes me have to go to work.
These sufferings are gifts to you, to fulfill you, and one day you will thank them.
I hear this more angry, I am not rich, how can I come from the expressive gratitude? And I can't see what they can do, so I'll thank them in the future. I just want to escape at the moment, I just want to numb, I just want to isolate them, my energy is being consumed, engulfed. I even feel that sometimes a small thing can beat me with a single word, because I have been supporting and being strong for too long. Seriously think about it, I still decided to face her, the act of sullen and silent, I have done too much to the outside world, but in the face of her, even if she is not happy, I don't care, anyway, I am now reduced to this world, she has a great responsibility. I decided to have a conversation with her.
I hate that you always pretend to encourage me like this, and let me fall into the pit, I managed to get out of a pit, and I went into a pit again. It's constantly looping and repeating. You are also a part of me. Why are you making my life so challenging? And it can't make me feel good at ease and happy. I have to keep pursuing myself to be what I expect, chasing money. Running and running, I have no strength. I admit that I have over-exhausted, I have no strength, I just want to be in a good daze in the same place.
Your life is complete, as long as you want, you do, you can achieve what your heart wants.
These chicken soup for the soul, I have heard you say for many years, do you have the end?
Don't you believe me, don't believe in yourself?
I've believed in you for too many years, and if I believe in you anymore, I'm afraid I'll have more trauma later on.
I invite you to have a conversation with me, to write down all the words, and to do so, especially well.
Do you believe I can do it? Do you know? When I wrote this paragraph three days later, I only replied to you today, I don't believe I can do it, because I am full of inertia, I avoid reality, burdensome debts, the pressure of life, bad relationships, my endless dreams and excessive expectations, it is enough for me to choke, I don't want to live, I want to kill myself, I want to tell the world that I am depressed.
I admit that I also need the care and concern of others, so what, even if I and the people around me, even the closest relatives, they will only tell me, adjust your mentality, there are more people in this world than you are miserable, you are in the blessing and do not know the blessing. After listening to this, I feel that I am even more uncomfortable.
I'm glad you're willing to come back and talk to me, so that I can hear your willingness to confide in me about the true voice of your heart, unadorned, real.
So what, you can't help me all at once, I need real help.
What help do you need?
How do you want me to help you?
Good question, I've told you countless times. You haven't been in your heart. You also knowingly asked. I want to settle all my credit card bills and online loans, I want to have my own business, and I want to live freely physically and mentally.
You're totally up to the task. You can always do it, but you just don't know it. You don't need any authoritative leadership, not even my divine power, to help you. Because you know everything, it's just that you are too eager to have the feeling of being with others, heart to heart. To put it bluntly, you lower your IQ to cater to the world around you. Man, born in loneliness, living in a group, dies of liberation.
I know, you will understand what I say, I am God, and I am part of you. Your awareness and comprehension are very good, and I invite you again to record our conversations in words, and I know that you talk to me all the time, but only in your heart, without really recording the words. Or maybe when you're talking to someone, you'll paraphrase our conversation, and it's very helpful for others to hear it. Why not spread this out and benefit more people? It is very much in line with the principle of helping oneself and helping others that you said.
Yes, I've always wanted to be an independent spiritual writer and spiritual lecturer. But I don't know how to do it, I need authoritative leadership and help, I need authoritative approval, I can do it.
You see, you've been around you thinking and denying your thoughts. Do you think that your so-called authority is able to arrange enough audiences for you, arrange your daily work, etc., and you are a spiritual writer or lecturer?
Yes, you sure understand me. In fact, I also spend a lot of time reading about other people's self-media writing methods and how to create. I opened a lot of self-media accounts, but I didn't think about the way that suited me, how to continuously create and effective output. I mean effective output for efficient input, with money in return.
I once again invite me to record the conversation with you and spread it in writing, there are always people who like it, just as the so-called Buddha-do people are related.
You have a lot of perseverance, you have always said that I was invited to spread our dialogue in words, I am a person who wants face, here involves a lot of my inner words, will it be counterproductive, originally my interpersonal relationship is not good, is not it all worse.
This is your talent, you are the person I chose, in order to make your talent effective use, deliberately let you not be good at and do not like interpersonal communication very much.
In the crowd, whenever anyone is willing to listen to you, you are like a yellow river, and others listen with relish. When you've been talking for too long, you feel like you're over-draining your energy and you don't find it interesting to chat because you're not getting the nutrients of someone else's conversation.
I'll explain why you don't seem sociable in the crowd. You know you want to, too many people are chasing you to talk about their hearts. They get space, ease and security with you.
But when you are alone, you are particularly comfortable and wise. Because you keep talking to me.
Your interpersonal relationship is not good, but I have selfish intentions, because the written record requires you to work quietly and independently.
After listening to your words, I found that it was my lack of energy to support other people's things and the pressure of life. No wonder I've been enjoying sleeping lately, reading, and learning what I need. But I couldn't stand anyone or anything to overexert my energy. I can understand that this is thick and thin.
Yes, you are a man of wisdom. You once said that you want to do a career that allows you to do it every day with passion and expectation, without any return. And what doesn't take your time to learn and doesn't take your brain too much is your instinct to do it completely, and that's your talent.
Come on, I invite you again to take my conversation with you again, record it in words, spread it out, and you will be the person you want to do and get what you want to do. Believe me.
If someone else invites me, maybe once or twice is enough. But look at me asking me to work three or four times. I finally knew why I got such a field. I want to do it but resist doing it, contradictoryly entangled, so that it is an endless consumption of power. I sometimes get too preoccupied with my own efforts.
Well, I promise you I'll record our words and spread them, regardless of gain or loss.
So good, finally waiting for you.
So any subject matter, as long as it is my dialogue with you, is it okay? I'm a whimsical person, and I can't be too constrained, otherwise I can't complete it.
Yes, as you write, as you wish, as you think.
Well, I don't know how many people will read it, after all, I still care about the amount of reading.
You write happily and comfortably, and you're glad you're willing to talk to me.
I'm glad you're willing to talk to me.