The ancients said, "A lady loves her son." "It is human nature that no one does not love his children.
The ancients also said, "The love of parents and their sons is far-reaching." "To love your children is to plan for the long haul.
Father's love is like a mountain, deep and introverted, and the growth of children needs a pair of strong hands and a pair of solid arms from the father.
Paternal love in childhood determines a child's life. In family education, the father plays a very important role in the child's psychological development and personality perfection, so the ancients said that "if there is a father, there must be a son", "a tiger father has no dog son".
In fact, the most important thing about being a father is not whether he is strict or not, but whether he can squat down and see the world and think about problems from the perspective of his children on the road of their children's growth.
We can convey some life wisdom to our children, and we can also give some guidance on methods, but first of all, we must make it clear that these are based on our own lessons and lessons; Secondly, we must understand that the next starring role on the stage of life is the child himself, we can't be a director and can't be a director, just a "previous generation of actors" with some experience.
Our wish should be that the child will be independent and have a good future in the future; It shouldn't be, to have a good child in your own eyes in the future.
To sum it up in one sentence: to be a father, you must have a big picture and live a small life!
There has to be a big picture
Qian Mu, a master of Chinese culture, once visited an ancient temple and saw a little Shani planting oleanders next to a 500-year-old ancient pine.
He said with emotion: "In the past, when the monks planted pine trees, they had already thought about the development of the monastery in a hundred years; Today, Shani is planting flowers here, and his vision is only for next year! ”
What Qian Mu means is that the size of the pattern in his heart determines whether he has a long-term vision.
Zeng Guofan said: "Those who seek great things are the first priority. "Ten years of trees, a hundred years of people, being a father, educating children, is not a trivial matter, we must have a long-term vision, not quick success.
The so-called big picture includes at least two aspects:
1. Broad vision
Children should have their own opinions and dreams, and fathers should look at their children with an open vision, and do not design or arrange their lives for their children.
At the end of the Qin Dynasty, Xiang Yu grew up with his uncle Xiang Liang, and Xiang Liang assumed the role of Xiang Yu's father.
When Xiang Yu was young, he learned to read and write, and he stopped learning without academic achievements; He also learned swordsmanship, but he didn't succeed. Xiang Liang was angry with him.
Xiang Ji said: "Writing, can be used to remember the name; Swordsmanship can only be defeated by one person, and it is not worth learning. I want to learn what it takes to be able to fight ten thousand. ”
So Xiang Liang taught Xiang Yu the art of war, but just after understanding a little bit of the art of war, Xiang Yu refused to learn it again.
It was this Xiang Yu, who "knew a little" about the art of war, and finally became the "God of War" and "Overlord of Western Chu" who destroyed the main force of the Qin army.
During the Liang Dynasty, Xu Mian was in a high position all his life, but he did not run the family property. When he was advised to buy some property for his descendants, he replied: "If others leave property to their descendants, I will leave a clean slate to their descendants." If the children and grandchildren are virtuous and capable, they will create a family business; If they don't make it, it's useless even if I leave my possessions. ”
How well said! Children and grandchildren have their own children and grandchildren, don't be cattle and horses for your children and grandchildren, rather than leaving property for your children and grandchildren, it is better to accumulate virtue for your children and grandchildren, leaving room for development.
2. A little childlike
Don't rush it, let alone force your child into the adult world, the childlike innocence is the engine of creativity and imagination in the future, and the father should try to maintain a little childlike innocence.
Childlike innocence and childishness, compared with the utilitarianism of the baht, is a big pattern.
To be a father doesn't have to be sanctimonious and dignified. Contemporary writer Wang Zengqi is a humorous and knowledgeable person, he said: "I think a modern and humane family must first be 'no big or small'. Parents are awe-inspiring, and children are the most uninteresting. ”
And his father is also very open-minded, and the phrase that often hangs on his lips is "father and son have become brothers for many years", Wang Zengqi smoked when he was a teenager, and his father would always hand him one when he smoked and light a fire for him; Even Wang Zengqi's first love at the age of 17 was writing love letters at home, and his father was blindly coming up with ideas on the side.
It is said that Su Dongpo and his younger brother Su Zhe were very naughty when they were children, did not like to study, and were greedy for fun. Father Su Xun did not scold, but hid in a corner where they could see to read when the children were playing and playing, concentrating, smiling, and sometimes laughing out loud.
When the children came over curiously, Su Xun pretended to be panicked and quickly hid the book. In this way, the children became more curious, so they took advantage of their father's absence to steal the books out to read, and gradually, they also regarded reading as a kind of fun, and thus stepped into the right track of success.
Communicating with children with a child's mentality and guiding children in a childish way not only harmonizes the relationship between father and son, but also achieves the purpose of education.
Will live a small life
The emperor and the general, the golden iron horse, the fierce ambition, the family and the country, these are of course important and important, but the most common and solid is the daily life of three meals a day, that is, the small days that most people in every era have to live.
Looking at the furniture, porcelain, calligraphy and paintings handed down from ancient times, you can feel that the love of living a small life has created the unique tenacity of the Chinese.
In fact, whether it is Chinese culture or moderation, it is all survival wisdom, that is, a powerful psychological adjustment mechanism.
Not everyone has to be a virtuous celebrity, so as a father, you must be able to live a small life and teach your children by word and deed.
The so-called small days also include at least two aspects:
1. Simple life
There are many ways to love life, and the simplest and most direct is to live a simple life and live a small life.
The big era is exciting and exciting, and the small days are stable and comfortable. No matter what era it is, if you can live a small life, it is a good life.
In the great era of excitement and quick success, individuals are anxious and excited, busy and tired, and it is rare to steal half a day of leisure, often ignoring the natural four seasons, the inner scenery and the original face of life.
The real life should be: there are mountains, rivers and people; There is not much money, but the heart is satisfied; It's not much, it's delicious.
Spring hair, summer length, autumn harvest, winter storage. Enjoy flowers in spring, watch waterfalls in summer, pick red leaves in autumn, and step on snow in winter. Chun'an, Xiatai, Qiuyoshi, Dongxiang.
It has been reported that many parents leave the bustling city for the sake of their children, give up their prosperous careers, and live in small cities with beautiful mountains and rivers.
Lin Yutang said: "What is happiness? One is to sleep in your own bed, the second is to eat the food cooked by your parents, the third is to listen to your lover to tell you love words, and the fourth is to play games with your children. ”
2. Enjoy yourself
Small days are a kind of orderliness of the mind, which is what we often call self-satisfaction.
Having their own spiritual life is like some people insisting on immersing themselves in their own piano, chess, calligraphy and painting, and some people insisting on writing a few days a week.
In the Internet era, the more open the world is, the more we should have our own quiet or even "closed" space.
Taiwan poet Yu Guangzhong recalled: "In the sound of cicadas in Changxia, there were several times when father and son sat together to read books: he leaned on a recliner and read "Outline of Easy Knowledge", and I sat on a small bamboo bench to read "Romance of the Three Kingdoms." Under the tung oil lamp on a winter night, he enlightened me more times, led me into the world of ancient texts, and woke up my Han soul and Tang soul. Zhang Liang, Wei Zheng, Taishi Gong, and Han Yu, a native of the city, all introduced me to my first acquaintance. ”
The father's self-satisfaction sows the seeds of spiritual life for the child.