One
As the summer vacation approached, I thought about it for a few nights, but I still mustered up the courage to make a successful phone call and offered to take my son Chengke out to live for a while.
The result is that my ex-husband, divorced for three years, we have already started our own families, and we are strangers. Usually the child's affairs are communicated through his sister or my sister. But this time, because my sister strongly opposed my approach and refused to speak for me, I had to go out in person. The results were delayed for a moment, and he said, "Are you there, is it convenient?" My anger immediately rushed to my head: "What's so inconvenient about my own son?!" ”
There's no way I can't help but get angry. This man ruined half of my life's happiness and shattered all my yearning for marriage. When he was secretly crossing Chen Cang with that woman, when that woman was pregnant with his child and openly arguing with me, why didn't he think that it would be inconvenient for me?
Many women are full of nostalgia for their ex-husbands after they end their marriage, and I only hate the results. Hate him for being as hypocritical as all men who have had an affair, hurting me while pretending to gamble and vow to change his ways. My father-in-law, mother-in-law, father, mother, sister-in-law, and sister-in-law all persuaded me to forgive him for the sake of the child. Why should I forgive him for my child's sake? When he took the woman in his arms, why didn't he look at the child and let go of his hands; When he was fascinated by that woman, why didn't he take his mind back for the sake of the child?
I don't know who said: if you want to recognize the true face of men, you have to look at their performance when they divorce. As a result, when I got divorced, I lowered my eyebrows in front of me and was very resolute in snatching the child from me. The child is the flesh that fell from my mother's body, and it is clear that he is deliberately trying to make things difficult for me. I was utterly disappointed in him. It was clear that he betrayed me first, but on the contrary, everyone looked at me with reproachful eyes, as if I had become the party at fault. After two years of litigation, I gave up on my children and fled, exhausted. Because that's when I lost my job. The Education Bureau suddenly issued a document to dismiss all substitute teachers. Although I have also contributed ten years of youth to the cause of education, because there is no relationship, I can't turn positive, and I haven't escaped the fate of retreat. The results are more reasons to win over children. My sister persuaded me, saying that I would let him raise him first, and when you find a job and the conditions are good, it will not be too late to go again, are you still afraid that Chengke will not recognize you?
Two
But many things don't go our way as expected. When I entered the city and found a job in a bookstore with a salary of 600 yuan a month, I knew that it would not be easy to win Koko. We remarried three months after our divorce, and his new wife was his affair. On the one hand, I am relieved that my children do not live with them, but with their grandparents, so they are not affected by the emotional changes of adults. When I called back, he was still so cheerful and naughty; On the one hand, I hate the results even worse. Didn't you say that I was the one I loved the most, and I just got lost for a moment to that woman? As soon as I walked on the front foot, he immediately took people through the door. What's even more hateful is that he is afraid that his son will disturb his happiness, so he has been letting him live at his grandparents' house. Although it seems to me that this is more reassuring, as a father, he should not be so selfish.
My cousin said that you must be happier than him, angry with him, and introduced her husband's classmate Tong Jiajun to me. Tong Jiajun is a taxi driver, the same age as me, and he was also divorced, because his ex-wife did not give him children, and he only worried about beauty, fitness and mahjong all day long. Perhaps it was the fear that he had fulfilled someone else's words: a divorced woman was worthless, and she would either marry an old man or a man with physical defects. Tongajun is not old, but his limbs are sound. What is commendable is that he can make me a city person, so that I can have a little sense of superiority when facing my ex-husband. However, Tong Jiajun did not agree with me to bring Chengke out, he wanted to have children of his own. I understand.
I am married to Tonga Jun. A year later, she gave birth to her son, Jimmy. Jimmy has made a noticeable difference in my position in the family. My parents-in-law who looked down on me because I was a country daughter-in-law, had a marriage history and no formal job, and my parents-in-law had a smile on me, and Tong Jiajun spoiled me like a giant panda. But I couldn't be happy. Looking at that little pink lump of meat, I thought of Nariko, who was thousands of miles away. He was five years older than Jimmy, and I abandoned him for my own happiness.
In the days when the diaper was entangled, my longing for Chengke increased day by day. It was my first child, his first cry, his first laugh, his first teeth, his first step, his first call, his mother, how many surprises he brought me. Jimmy actually revisited my past with Seongko.
Three
I wanted to take my son with my ex-husband to live with me, and although it was only a short summer vacation, I hesitated for a long time before talking to Tong Jiajun. My parents-in-law resolutely disagreed, worried that they would rely on me in the future and live here for a long time. I made a lot of promises to them and said a lot of soft things that hurt my self-esteem, so I won the opportunity to take Chengke out. That's why I get angry when I'm on the phone.
The moment Koko stepped out of the car, my heart stopped. I haven't seen him for two years, but he has grown taller and stronger, and he is a little different from the little boy in my impression. We stared at each other, silent, time seemed to stand still. "Koko, call Mom." The aunt who sent him out pushed him. "Mom-" As if suddenly coming to his senses, Koko threw himself into my arms with open arms. I put my arms around him, tears welling up in my eyes. The gap created by the gap between the two years disappeared without a trace. This is blood kinship!
Jimmy, who was being held by Tonga-jun, broke free of his hand and staggered over, angrily pushing Koko, muttering things that others couldn't understand. He was jealous and didn't allow Koko to lean into my arms. I said to Jimmy, this is my brother. Then he told Koko that this was his brother, and his name was Jimmy. Koko rubbed Jimmy's hair and said, "Let's just change his name to Guitar so that I can remember it." Everyone laughed "haha" and I was relieved. My son didn't become introverted because of my divorce from his dad, he was still so lively and naughty. That's nice!
But soon, I was tormented by Koko's excessive naughtiness. After all, this is not his home, after all, no one else has anything to do with him except me. When he took his younger brother to chase after him in the room, when he used the aluminum basin as a drum to teach his younger brother to use chopsticks to make a deafening noise, I would stop it, for fear that Tongajun and his parents would resent him. However, how can Chengke, who is accustomed to living a whimsical life in the countryside, withstand such constraints, repeatedly teach and repeat offenders, and refuse to change after repeated teachings. He took off the handle of the broom as a golden hoop stick to learn from Sun Wukong to make a fuss in the sky, and with a bang, the ceiling ornament on the ceiling was knocked down; He imitated the martial arts master on TV to practice handstands, and dirty little footprints were immediately printed on the wall...... Slowly, my attitude changed from kind to stern to exhausted. Others will not scold him, but they will scold him with their eyes and scold him in their hearts.
Tonga-jun clearly didn't like him. Koko called him affectionately, and when I was nearby, he answered, and when I was not there, he should not have heard. But seven-year-old Koko didn't understand any of this, thinking that he and his brother had the same status in everyone's minds. Right under my nose, it's true, if there is something for Jimmy to eat, there is something for him to eat, and if you buy Jimmy a toy, you will buy it for him. But as long as you deviate from my line of sight, it's different. Once, I took him to the supermarket to buy something. When I came back, I met an acquaintance downstairs, and the two of us chatted for a while, and I asked Koko to go upstairs first. As a result, Koko climbed upstairs and shouted at the door, uncle open the door, grandma open the door, grandpa open the door. No one came to open the door. I heard it all downstairs, hurried upstairs, and opened the door with the key. A room full of people was watching TV. I asked Jimmy, why didn't my brother open the door for him after shouting for so long? The mother-in-law hurriedly said, did you call the door? We didn't hear that! I want to say, I heard it downstairs, but you can't hear it from the wall? But I didn't say that I didn't want to make the family relationship strained, and it was better to have a virtual picture of harmony than to tear your face.
Four
I tried to use my days off to take Koko to the park, to the store, to buy him what he wanted. I asked him if he loved his mother? He said love. I was moved to tears. Asked him again, is the new mother good to you? He said yes, better than you. I said what is better than me, he said she doesn't scold me, she buys me whatever I want, you are too fierce. My heart immediately felt like a needle had been pricked. Father-in-law, mother-in-law, husband, and neighbor have no one who does not praise me for being a good wife and mother, but in front of him, I am really not patient enough. He did push-ups on the bed, did a dozen or so in one go, and proudly called me to watch. I scolded him: Why are you always disobedient, tell you not to step on the bed, look at the quilt to make it dirty.
Tong Jiajun's colleague brought his wife and daughter to play at home, and his little sister, who was about the same age as him, said that the crab in the book was a lobster, and he shaved her little face and shamed her: "Ouch! I don't even know the crabs! "The little girl was thin-skinned and crying and crying to go back, which embarrassed everyone, and I severely criticized him and forced him to apologize to his little sister. Tongajun and I took him and Jimmy to the supermarket, and on the way we met a high school classmate of Tongajun, two men standing on the side of the road and greetings, and I took the children to go first.
After walking a few steps, the male classmate asked Tong Jiajun, do you have two children? Tong Jiajun said, "The eldest is the child of my wife, a relative in the countryside, who plays here for a few days during the summer vacation. When he heard this, he actually broke away from my hand and ran back, correcting him seriously, saying, I am not the son of my mother's relative, I am my mother's son. I rebuked him afterwards: "Adults don't talk and children don't interject casually!" "He kicked a basketball like a soccer ball in the yard and smashed it into the glass counter of a small supermarket. I yelled at him after losing the money, "I'll send you back tomorrow!" ”……
I picked him up to make up for my emotional debt to him, and hoped that he would understand that his mother still loved him as much as before. However, the family relationship became complicated, and my love had to become cautious. On the night he broke the glass, I said to Tongajun, "I'll send him back tomorrow!" Tong Jiajun said, "What for? It's hard to get out of it, and then send it back when school starts, it's not that there is no food. A sentence without any emotion moved me to tears.
I remember that before I divorced from the effect, as long as I played Koko, he would protect him like this: how can a boy not be naughty, and a child who is not naughty must have abnormal intelligence. If Tong Jiajun was Koko's biological father, he would definitely say: Koko is actually quite sensible and smart. He will certainly see many of the virtues in Koko: he has no heart, no jealousy, and knows how to protect and care for his brother. Seeing Jimmy clashing with someone else, he quickly ran over and picked him up. Jimmy wanted to eat ice cream, but the adults were afraid that he would have a bad stomach and wouldn't give it to him, so he secretly took it from the refrigerator and locked it in his room for him to eat. Jimmy sometimes bullied him and chased him to fight, and he ran while laughing, and it became a game...... But Tongajun is not his biological father, and he can't see what Koko does.
Five
The day of school has arrived. I bought Koko a new school bag, new stationery, new clothes, Tong Jiajun gave him 100 yuan, and his parents-in-law bought him a lot of delicious food, they must all feel relieved in their hearts, right?
When I got him in the car, I asked him, are you still coming? He said he would come back. I said, will I live here with my mother in the future? He looked at me, I was inexplicably nervous, could he see the hypocrisy of my words? "No, this is not my home." He said.
Koko's answer made me feel quite complicated. I'm glad I didn't have him with me, so I didn't have to think about my parents-in-law and my husband's thoughts all the time, and I didn't have to worry about him getting hurt all the time. I don't hate it anymore, he must be like me, but I don't feel comfortable putting him under the nose of someone who has nothing to do with him, because his home is not Koko's pure home anymore. But where is his real home?