As a veteran power industry retiree, I know that life's choices are often fraught with hardship. Recently, I was deeply troubled by the marriage of my daughter Xiao Lin.
Xiao Lin is 29 years old this year and holds an important position in a well-known foreign company, with an annual salary of nearly 200,000 yuan. Although her boyfriend Xiaojie is honest, he put forward a request that caught us off guard: I hope that Xiaolin can return to his hometown to live in a small county with him after marriage.
This request was like a hammer that shattered our hopes for our daughter's future. After much deliberation, my wife and I decided to respect our daughter's choice, but at the same time retracted our commitment to buy a matrimonial home for them.
We believe that since Xiao Lin has chosen to give up the advantages of the big city, she should be responsible for her decision.
However, things turned out to be far more complicated than we expected. When we informed Lin of our decision, her reaction made our hearts ache.
She said with tears in her eyes: "I thought that no matter what, you would support me. ”
At that moment, I felt both distressed and helpless. As parents, we want to give the best to our child, but at the same time teach her to face the responsibilities of life.
When Jie's parents learned of our decision, they were very unhappy. They think what we're doing will ruin the future of young people.
But I insist that we are not wrong. We just can't accept that our daughter should give up the career and life she has worked hard for many years.
This turmoil eventually led to Xiao Jie proposing to break up, and Xiao Lin was heartbroken. She even said that if she couldn't be with Xiaojie, she would rather never marry.
Looking at my daughter's painful appearance, my heart was mixed. I felt sorry for my daughter, but I was also angry at Xiaojie's family's incomprehension, and I was even more worried about my daughter's future.
In the process, I couldn't help but wonder: Was our decision too heartless? But I still believe that we cannot compromise on issues of principle.
Daughters need to learn to take responsibility for their choices. While this may leave her feeling painful and lost for a while, I believe time will tell us the right choice.
This incident reminds me of the "Dink" phenomenon that has been hotly discussed in society in recent years.
According to statistics, in 2020, more than 40% of young people in the mainland said they did not want children. This reflects the tremendous pressure that the younger generation is facing when it comes to marriage and life choices.
As someone who has come before, I know that marriage is not just a matter of two people. It involves the integration of two families, including the reconciliation of lifestyles, values, and other aspects.
The situation of Xiao Lin and Xiao Jie reflects the dilemma faced by many young people in today's society: the trade-off between career and marriage, and the contradictions caused by the gap between urban and rural areas.
Back in our day, "marital autonomy" was still a novelty. Today, young people have more autonomy, but at the same time face more complex choices.
According to a survey, the marriage rate in mainland China hit a new low in 2022, only 5.4 per thousand. This may explain why young people like Xiao Lin are so entangled in the face of marriage.
As parents, our intentions are good. We hope that our daughter will be able to continue to develop in the big city and enjoy better living conditions and opportunities.
But are we ignoring the true desire of our daughter's heart? Perhaps, for her, love and family are more important than career.
It also made me reflect on whether our generation can really understand the minds of young people in these rapidly changing times. Do our experiences and values still apply to today's social environment?
Recently, my wife and I had another in-depth conversation with Xiao Lin. We try to put ourselves in her shoes and understand her feelings and demands. We realized that perhaps our previous decision was a bit arbitrary.
After much consideration, we decided to give Xiao Lin more support and understanding. We told her that whatever choice she ultimately makes, we will respect and support her.
We are willing to provide her with some financial help, but more importantly, we want her to be thoughtful and make the best choice for herself.
This process has taught me that as parents, our role should not be that of decision-makers, but of supporters and guides.
We should trust that our children have the ability to take responsibility for their own lives, and that it is our responsibility to provide support and advice when they need it.
Now, Xiao Lin is seriously thinking about her future. She is weighing whether to give up her career that she has worked hard for years for love, and whether to leave the familiar big city environment.
It was undoubtedly a difficult decision, but I believe that whatever she ultimately chooses, as long as it is a deliberate decision, it deserves respect.
This is a lesson for our whole family. It makes us understand that in these times of rapid change, we need more understanding, inclusion, and communication.
Only then will we be able to truly help our next generation and empower them to make the choices that are best for them when faced with life's big decisions.