Rousseau said in the Revolution: I am unique, I am born different; I dare say that I am not like anyone in the world. If I'm not better than others, then I'm at least two times the same as others. Nature cast me and then broke the model.
Each of us is unique, and even children know this truth, but whether we can do it is another matter.
In my usual articles and communication with Xiao Xun, the words I say the most are: Don't care about other people's opinions, we must be brave to be ourselves and love ourselves well. It's a bit funny to say, but now I talk about a set of sets, and there was a time when I was extremely inferior.
In class, I will feel that my grades are not good enough, and the teacher does not like me;
In the dormitory, I will feel that I look bad and inferior;
At home, I will be afraid that I will not be obedient enough and not loved by my parents, so I will look at everything and act;
When I go to my relatives, I will feel that there is no money at home, and my relatives look down on me;
When I get together with friends, I feel that my eloquence is not good and I am not welcome;
……
At that time, the most feared thing was to go to relatives, because as soon as I went to my relatives' homes, I would be asked about my grades, and the things that my relatives discussed were "money and career", and it just so happened that these two points were not my. But every time I still insist on going to the door, because I am afraid of falling into the title of "unsociable and uncivilized".
In the past, because of the reason of inferiority, he would secretly compare with people, see where he was better than him, and try to find self-confidence from others. But it turns out that this method is not feasible, and the self-confidence found in the comparison is not called self-confidence, but will exacerbate inferiority. Because as long as it is compared, it will definitely be "a mountain higher than a mountain".
When did I start to change this mentality? It should be after knowing Xun Dad, I don't know why, when I was with him, I felt particularly relaxed, and I also felt that I was particularly strong, and I was finally not the person who "had no money, no looks, no figure, and no good at all".
But what really changed me internally was after Xiao Xun was born.
The first time I became a mother, the one thing I thought was: I want to be a role model mother.
What do role models do? That is to make yourself better. If the mother is not confident and unhappy, how to teach the child to be a confident and optimistic person.
Even many times, in fact, I am very weak in my heart, very afraid, there will be villains running out and saying "you can't", but every time my rational villain will quickly run out and tell me: It doesn't matter, no one is perfect, you are great.
Maybe that's the power that children bring to their parents.
I started a picture book a few days ago, and after reading it, I thought: If only I had such a book when I was a child, if someone told me these truths when I was a child, would I have a more memorable former self?
The name of the picture book is "The One and Only You", and the author is Matthew Gray Guppler, a famous screenwriter, actor, director and painter. Yes, he is an actor who has participated in the filming of the famous American drama "Criminal Minds". But later, this handsome and sunny boy entered the field of picture books and created this "Unique You".
The picture book tells a cute and heartwarming story that takes place in a remote town a long, long time ago, where there is a purple spire pine tree, and under the pine tree, there lives a monster whose name is Lamphu Butkap.
With 5 crooked teeth, 3 hairs, and green skin, and his left foot was larger than his right foot, Lamp felt that he looked strange, and others would be scared to run when they saw him. So Lamphun hides every day and quietly watches other people play, some laughing and jumping, some sneaking puppies, and most importantly, these people are normal people.
Lampe lives in the drainage ditch, picks up waste items in the trash every day to decorate his small home, and also makes a corn candy man out of all kinds of discarded candy, and the bored Lampo can only talk to the corn candy man every day.
Lampe, who lived underground, was so bored that he thought of a way to disguise himself as garbage, with a banana peel on his head, crouching next to the trash can and sitting motionless. Even so, Lampe was overjoyed: in autumn he could hear the leaves falling; in winter, he sang Christmas songs with passers-by; in summer, he imagined beautiful fireworks...
Many times, he thought he was a normal person, but only when night fell, he would perceive loneliness.
Lamp always felt like a freak and no one liked to play with him, so he closed himself off. In fact, the people of the town had known him for a long time. Once, Lampo missed a town rally because he missed a disguised banana peel, and Lampo was in tears of sadness when someone said to him: Don't you go to see today's parade?
It turned out that the townspeople had known him for a long time, and Lamp asked: Are you not afraid of me? I look so weird. Others said: Why be afraid of you? You see, my face is big, I have freckles on my face, my nose is very pointed, my hair is too straight, I sing like a frog...
Everyone was talking nonsense, and it turned out that everyone was a little weird!
That's why we're unique.
This picture book is especially suitable for parent-child reading, in fact, the process of parents reading with their children is also a process of self-growth. Many of the truths that we did not understand when we were young, now follow the children to have another childhood, pick up those egos again, and drive away those "inferior and unconfident" villains.
Therefore, who said that we grew up with our children, but in fact, children grew up with us.
I started by pretending to be confident in front of my children, but over time, the inside will naturally change. Therefore, as long as we want to change, or want to make the child more confident and optimistic, then let's start with changing cognition, such as reading picture books such as "Unique" is a good opportunity to change themselves and affect children.
No one is perfect, everyone will have their own little flaw, as long as we ourselves do not amplify that flaw, then it will always be just an innocuous existence.
I hope we are all "The One and Only You", and I hope that our loneliness is no longer lonely.